I have what appears to be a very common problem: performance anxiety.
I have never had sex (even though I am 26!), to some degree because I have been afraid of failing to get an erection. I get erections for masturbation, and get erections when petting and fooling around with my (new) girlfriend. I am very attracted to her, and we feel very strongly about each other, but when having sex I lose my erection very quickly. This often happens when I enter her. I focus on whether or not I am still hard (I find it hard to tell sometimes when wearing a condom) and so lose it. Should I feel more when inside her? Could there be a relative size issue between my penis and her vagina?
Part of the reason is I have lost a lot of my sex drive due to anxiety about performance. Before we were going out I was incredibly aroused thinking about her, but now panic has ruined that for me and I have lost most of my sex drive.
Is there some way to get around this anxiety? And is there some way to increase my sex drive?
Please help, this problem is really affecting me. I posted this in men's health, but I owuld appreciate advice from men and women.
I know how you feel. Go to a doctor and get some samples of Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. They work. I also suffer from performance anxiety. I will get hard just thinking about wife or when we start foreplay. I then lose it or lose my drive and then lose it. With these drugs once you get hard, it will get harder with these, you will still have your drive because you can feel all the blood in your penis so it actually helps you get more arroused once hard. It will not go away until you orgasim. I have had it last as long as an hour, I usually don't last this long but at least the drug does. Some people recommend over the counter type drugs like Vicerex, ect. I would talk to a doctor before you try one of these. Do not be afraid to talk with a doc. They deal with this a lot and it is actually very common. All males suffer from ED at one time or another, some can get over it easily and go on and some of us just can't get over it and end up having lots of problems due to performance enxiety. At least Levitra works for me.
Last edited by SufferingEd; 04-02-2007 at 09:50 AM.
lots of men have this problem, the more you worry the worse it will get.
however i have some advice, try this.
don't attempt to have sex, yeah i know it's silly isn't it ?
no not really do a slow build up to it and i mean slow, massage, light petting, make it last over like a week to 2 weeks, you can always give your girl stimulation in other ways just don't try full sex.
when you can't stand it any longer go for it, try not to think about it too much, maybe concerntrate on thinking about a porn movie you have seen or something you have read, just see it this makes a diffrence, anything is worth a try, worked for my dear friend!
Thanks to both of you for the replies. Just to update and let people with similar problems know how things are going
I have not had a chance to talk to a doctor yet, I have been travelling alot. I will get samples of those drugs though, even if they only improve things by a small amount it could be enough to get me over this, because I think I am on the verge of overcoming it (thanks SufferingEd!).
I tried not having sex (pretty easy!) and it is helping. I am starting to enjoy being with her because the nerves are reducing with time. My sex drive is begining to come back (thanks shapleybug!).
Also I did something I should have done at the start - I really talked to my girlfriend about it. It was very difficult, but I was so glad I did because it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. She also was very glad I did because she thought it was her fault, and that I was not attracted to her.
So things are improving, albeit slowly. However I now at least feel that this is not going to be a problem that will destroy my life, like I did before.
that's good..i can promise you though if you take the paxil and cialis it will fix the problem for sure..then you can taper off both drugs and you can go w/out them like a champ..it's all about getting your confidence back up..once you break that, your good to go
Thanks WRT876! I have made an appointment with the doc. I had heard about cialis, but had to look paxil up on the web. Is it for reducing anxiety/nervousness? I had heard that anti-depressants could reduce sex-drive, did you find this a problem?
Last edited by yeahyeah2000; 04-21-2007 at 10:52 AM.
not really..i wouldn't worry about that at all...paxil is an incredible drug for this...the paxil and the cialis together will solve your problem....the only side effect, other than the desired one, was that it made me yawn a lot..once you get your confidence back, you can taper off both drugs..i promise you this will work..it saved me...good luck..