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Old 10-09-2007, 11:29 AM   #1
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sexuality question/ story. need help!

I guess at around the age of 18 I started thinking I was somehow all of a sudden gay. I started thinking I was attracted to guys all of a sudden and I had never thought of this before. I was always really into girls growing up and hooked up with girls and everything was fine. I had a girlfriend at the time of this sexuality confusing(were now broken up) but it was just so weird and it freaked me out and I went into a state of very bad anxiety. The feelings got stronger and worse and I freaked out more. Throughout this whole time I was having great sex with my girlfriend, after the first bunch of times I was very bad in bed, but after time i got a lot better and it was great. me and my girlfriend got really serious and I fell in love with her. I think I remember this whole sexuality problem starting after I was not good in bed, but its hard to remember. I was still confused about my sexuality, but i just kept on going on. After a while I told my parents about my feelings and how I thought i was attracted to guys and how it was freaking me out and i didnt think I was gay at all. Then my girlfriend all of a sudden told me she was freaking out about the same thing for about a week and she told me about it. I then told her about my situation and it helped both of us out. But it still got to me sometimes and I still get freaked out when I see a guy without a shirt on on tv and I am very uncomfortable when I see a attractive male. I broke up with my girlfriend because I was at college and it wasn't working out, and still i thought about me being attracted to guys, but i broke up with her because I wanted to experience different things with other girls. Im at my second year of college now and I still feel that the whole me freaking out about being attracted to guys really effected me and I am in a result confused about my sexuality. Its gotten a lot better and I have grown up a lot during this weird time. I am attracted to girls still and always want to pursue being with them. I masturbate to only straight porn and it turns me on,but i still think I may be turned on by guys. **** is really confusing and I never no what to think of it. no matter how much I try not to think about it I always end up thinking about it again. I don't ever see myself hooking up with guys, but yet still think about it sometimes. sorry about the long post but I need someone to read it to help me out.

 
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Old 10-09-2007, 12:42 PM   #2
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

I was in the same boat as you. my attraction to males was more specific (hairy chested, muscular, normal acting dudes) I would see the gay males and their feminie ways and be repulsed. I found girls attractive and got married but always had the same feelings you are having.

After divorcing and a major illness. I turned 37 and had discovered a subset of the gay culture that was populated by hairy, normal acting guys. I now know that I am Bi. I like females and I like males. and There is nothing wrong with that.

There are lots and lots of married guys that play with guys on the side. (I personally see that as cheating) They love their wifes adn love to have sex with them but they like guys as well. Most of the guys I know like that dont tell their wifes they are leading this double life.

There are also a lot of guys in the Bear community that were married then divorced and now only do guys.

So know that you are not alone and there are lots of other guys that are going or have went through what you are going through.

Hope this helps.

 
Old 10-09-2007, 03:43 PM   #3
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

I have an cousin that went through this. There is nothing wrong with it. Do not be ashamed to like both sexes. I have even had my experiences with that! You can still have a relationship with a woman and think guys are attractive on the side. You could also have a relationship with a man and think woman are attractive on the side. Whatever you decide to do in life, make sure you think about the decision before you get married. If you know you like men more than women, then don't get married to a women just to make your family think your straight, and then end up cheating on your wife with a guy. Do whatever is most comfortable for you! Don't be ashamed. My cousin hid his attraction to men from our family for five years, and the family was more upset that he lied to them! As Heart says, Listen to your Heart! Have a great day!

 
Old 10-10-2007, 10:31 AM   #4
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

I like both sexes. I fell in love with a girl at 13, and we are still together at 53.
I don't cheat. It would hurt both of us too much.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 01:30 PM   #5
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

If you don't want to persue a relationship; emotional or physical, with a man then I don't believe you are gay. Do you become aroused when you see a man you find attractive? Do you fantasize about being with a man? (Even a sexual fantasy wouldn't really mean you're gay, not in im opinion.) Unless you are actively (wanting to) persue a relationship of some kind with a guy, then you are not gay.

People can find members of the same sex attractive. A woman may see a beautfil girl walking down the street and think "wow, she's really pretty." It doesn't make her a lesbian. You can see an attractive male and think "wow, he looks good. It doesn't mean you want to sleep with him.

Maybe you're "checking out" these guys b/c that's how you wished you looked... and your brain is confusing the comparison with attraction.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or bi.. I'm just saying that those aren't your only conclusions here.

If you don't want to persue men, then don't. I think most guys see men they find attractive, but b/c of society and all the negativity towards homosexuality they'll never admit to having any kind of positive thought about another man's appearance. In my opinion, you're not much different than any other guy... you're just able to talk about your thoughts where others deny it.

Last edited by jen52983; 10-10-2007 at 01:31 PM.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 03:23 AM   #6
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen52983 View Post
If you don't want to persue a relationship; emotional or physical, with a man then I don't believe you are gay. Do you become aroused when you see a man you find attractive? Do you fantasize about being with a man? (Even a sexual fantasy wouldn't really mean you're gay, not in im opinion.) Unless you are actively (wanting to) persue a relationship of some kind with a guy, then you are not gay.
A persons sexuality moves about a lot as you grow up, and it is fairly typical as you enter your 20's that you are facing up to your feelings. As you get older you may find that you are more sure of what you want sexually, and as others have said there is nothing wrong with any choice.

 
Old 12-20-2007, 03:31 AM   #7
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Question Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

I'm am really glad to read your story. I just wrote an original posting about a similar thing. I am 26 years old and for 25+ years I only ever thought of women as being sexy or attractive to me. I've been chasing girls since elementary school and I've done just about everything you can do sexually with a girl. The extent of my attraction to men was knowing who was a good looking and who wasn't...there was never one bit of turn on. A few months ago I had a nervous break down that basically started with finding a man attractive. Since then I've been diagnosed as bipolar with anxiety and OCD. The attraction to men consumes me and actually interferes with my attraction to woman. Being with a woman was always very natural and very exciting to me and now it feels less natural. I see guys and think they are attractive but the idea of doing anything with them weirds me out. I see girls and find them attractive but wonder is it just because they are a pretty girl or am I actually attracted to them. I'm afraid at some point this is going to affect my sexual performance or that somehow I am lying to myself. It's all VERY CONFUSING. I can't watch tv anymore without thinking "is he hot, is she hot, could i do this to her, could i do that to him". I've gone from a guy who could give a gay man a hug and not feel a bit of nervousness or attraction to a guy who can't look at my roommate while talking to him without feeling a twinge of anxiety. I'm looking into being treated for my OCD. Maybe if I can get the obsession under control then the rest will work itself out.

What makes this such a HUGE problem for me is that I truly loved women top to bottom, emotionally and sexually. Women were the main enjoyment in my life. Also, it bothers me a lot that this came up at 26 years of age and not in my teens or earlier...seems like by now everything would have been set in stone so to speak.

 
Old 12-20-2007, 07:31 AM   #8
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

OCD is an anxiety disorder, speaking from experience. Once you get to the root of the anxiety, you may find some relief.
There is a great book called Brain Lock, which has helped me.

 
Old 12-20-2007, 10:04 AM   #9
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Re: sexuality question/ story. need help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillin123 View Post
I guess at around the age of 18 I started thinking I was somehow all of a sudden gay. I started thinking I was attracted to guys all of a sudden and I had never thought of this before. I was always really into girls growing up and hooked up with girls and everything was fine. I had a girlfriend at the time of this sexuality confusing(were now broken up) but it was just so weird and it freaked me out and I went into a state of very bad anxiety. The feelings got stronger and worse and I freaked out more. Throughout this whole time I was having great sex with my girlfriend, after the first bunch of times I was very bad in bed, but after time i got a lot better and it was great. me and my girlfriend got really serious and I fell in love with her. I think I remember this whole sexuality problem starting after I was not good in bed, but its hard to remember. I was still confused about my sexuality, but i just kept on going on. After a while I told my parents about my feelings and how I thought i was attracted to guys and how it was freaking me out and i didnt think I was gay at all. Then my girlfriend all of a sudden told me she was freaking out about the same thing for about a week and she told me about it. I then told her about my situation and it helped both of us out. But it still got to me sometimes and I still get freaked out when I see a guy without a shirt on on tv and I am very uncomfortable when I see a attractive male. I broke up with my girlfriend because I was at college and it wasn't working out, and still i thought about me being attracted to guys, but i broke up with her because I wanted to experience different things with other girls. Im at my second year of college now and I still feel that the whole me freaking out about being attracted to guys really effected me and I am in a result confused about my sexuality. Its gotten a lot better and I have grown up a lot during this weird time. I am attracted to girls still and always want to pursue being with them. I masturbate to only straight porn and it turns me on,but i still think I may be turned on by guys. **** is really confusing and I never no what to think of it. no matter how much I try not to think about it I always end up thinking about it again. I don't ever see myself hooking up with guys, but yet still think about it sometimes. sorry about the long post but I need someone to read it to help me out.
To Chillin and inwonderland - I would suggest seeking some conselling to help you sort through your anxieties about your sexual orientation dilemmas. A trained professional can really work wonders when confusion like this strikes.

 
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