A question for the men - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

EmilyKB · 10-11-2007, 03:59 PM

I hope this is an appropriate forum to ask about this. I don't know who else to ask. I really would like opinions from men on this. I hope I can find the words to explain what I mean.

Here it is:

My husband does not consider oral sex as sex. I mean in all the years we have been married ( over 20) he can't be satisfied occasionally with just oral sex. It's the full deal ( including oral) or nothing.

I would be happy to give him oral sex ( only) several times a week, plus the full deal a few times a week.

There are days when I just don't feel like the full deal, but would be fine with giving him just oral--but, he won't go for that. He says oral alone is not satisfying for him.

Is there that big of a difference in orgasm? I don't understand because even when we do have the full deal, he sometimes will ejaculate with oral.

I've told him how I feel, but he doesn't see my point. It's all or nothing with him and I just don't understand it.

Am I missing something here? I would like some men's points of view please.

leeleelanilou · 10-11-2007, 04:16 PM

I'm not a guy but I'll tell you what my hubby has said about that issue. He loves both but he feels much closer to me physically as well as spiritually when we do it the old fashion way. He always feels guilty if I just satisfy him & he doesn't return the favor. I think some men don't understand that for some women it's hard work to have the big O & they just don't want to at that time. Plus it's kind of fun to just satisfy your man. It makes us feel kind of naughty & maybe even feel like we have the upper hand, so to speak. Do you think that may be part of it? He wants to have the "final say"

when it comes to sex? Hope you get a lot of guys to weigh in on this one & good luck!

HAGFAN · 10-12-2007, 06:31 AM

What leelee... says is true, But if you have been married over 20 years....and your still Doing that for him a few times a week, plus the full session also in that week. Holy smokes!! He HAS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. You are providing him plenty, hold your ground, regulate it as you feel, And that..will keep him coming back for more.....I promise.

EmilyKB · 10-12-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

But if you have been married over 20 years....and your still Doing that for him a few times a week, plus the full session also in that week. Holy smokes!! He HAS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT

But that's just it. He's not getting the oral several times a week. He doesn't want it. He gets it every time we have sex, but he never wants to have just oral sex by itself.

I guess I feel like he's kind of ripping me off because I like to give oral--so I'm the loser. I feel like if he cared more about what I wanted, he would accept what I have to offer, just like I accept him wanting the full deal. We should meet somewhere in the middle, and that isn't happening.

Besides, having the full deal ( the same deal) all the time gets boring.

I thought it had something to do with the type of orgasm--like maybe it wasn't as strong/pleasurable.

ghunt · 10-12-2007, 01:22 PM

I would be happy with just oral as a "quickie"...maybe there's some other issue with him. Sex is better than oral, but it's also more work, so it's a tradeoff...