I've had this problem ever since I was 16, and now I'm at the point in my life where I just don't know what to do anymore.
It all started when I was 16, the first time I ever tried to have sex with a girl, I just wasn't able to get erect. We tried sooo many times, and it would never work..don't know if it was nerves or what. When I would be by myself, everything was fine and I was a champ. Ever since then with the exception of one girl, I'm just not able to get erect. I could be by myself for the longest time and keep a hardon, but as soon as I get around a girl now and am about to have sex, nothing happens. In my mind I just keep thinking, "get hard..get hard..get hard" and...damn it's just really humiliating and depressing to keep having this happen over and over again.
I even went as far as to buy Viagra online, which I haven't used yet. And I'm afraid that if I use it once, and it works; that I will never be able to be with a girl without. Anyone have advice for me or go through the same thing?? Thank you so much
Ive always had a similar situation. The Best scenario would be to have a girl who is willing to work with you and be patient. I have no doubt you would do fine if you were comfortable and didnt feel like she was going to judge you. But I understand this is tough to find (8 some years later I still havent). And its a catch 22, how do you find this great girl if you cant seal the deal? I dunno. I will tell you that Im pretty sure Ive had girls leave due to performance issues. That has always bothered me and I cant guarantee this wont happen to you if you done use the blue guy. I have used Viagra and it works OK, but its not the complete answer. If you dont use it, you might lose her. If you do, there will come a time you will have to tell her (which Ive never done either - Ive actually ended dating to avoid this). My opinion is that the best answer is to find a nice girl, tell her you get nervous, and slowly work into it (you can always do other stuff she'll like). Youll always have the pill to fall back on, but your problem sounds mental not physical.
I am somewhat in agreement with Curious in the sense that if you have to tell yourself "get hard . . .get hard" you really should be asking yourself why. You said this did not happen with 1 girl. Do you still have feelings for that 1 girl? If so, that means you have good, even great character in that, you can only get hard for her. Is it over between you 2, mentally? Was it a mutual breakup? Was it just sex with her?
As for "sealing the deal" you may find that more mature girls may not be interested in "sealing the deal" as soon as you may think.
I think that with the right girl and at the right time, I have confidence that you will be able to have an erection. Also, if you know you will be with someone, say tomorrow night, then don't masturbate in the morning.
I would not recommend an ED drug for a 21 year old man. You may end up with priapism. Your gf would have to drive you to ER, that is not good as then she will know.
Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. With the 1 girl, she's my ex. We broke up on really good terms *distance* but we're still really good friends. With her it was weird, she was all about taking it slow, and when we were finally together; we would go for hours..literally. She's one of "I love to please my man and I don't need anything for myself" type girls and it was awesome. I'm thinking it is in my mind, and we I do worry about having to be taken to the ER so I think I'm gonna keep the blue man on the top shelf for a while.
I guess I do need to find a mature girl and take it slow; not sure if I'll actually be able to find one now-a-days but I got nothing to lose. Thanks again for the advice and I'll def keep you guys posted.
I do agree that it happens, I have the same problem, only when I meet girl for the first time it will not get up I have try Vigra also it did not help I have had this problem since I was in college but after few times beeing with her it works great all the time , in a long relationship there is no problem it works 2 to 3 times a night, I like to get help that I am able to overcome the first time anxity & get it working , any help
I totaly understand your point have the same problem is in the mind that it has not worked few times makes you think about it , I have try to overconme this with Vigra it did'nt get hard is the mind that is controling it , after she leaves it works great, I love to find a way to shut off the brain , is there any one that has succeeded to over come the mind.
Thanks again for all the input. I'm going to see my ex (the one I have no probs with) next month, and if I'm cool with her; I'll officially know that it's mental. Well I already do now I just really do need to work through it. Now I just gotta get up the nerve to tell a chick about it the next time I'm about to get with her
I've had a similar problem since 16 also. I could barely get an erection my first time, and it's been hit or miss since, and I'm in my mid-thirties. I think it's psychological for both of us. Sounds like you think too much about it, just like me. The more you focus on it, the less likely you are able to get hard. Frankly, if you can get hard alone, you can get hard with a girl. You simply need to be as comfortable with her as you are by yourself, and this can take time. Be patient, let her know you want to get hard for her, and develop an understanding with her that until you and your body (which are not separate entities!) feel comfortable enough to get hard, you and she can pleasure each other in other ways. Viagra is a short-term solution for guys like you and me - take the high road and try communicating. She'll appreciate it more afterwords anyway.