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Old 06-01-2008, 02:12 PM   #1
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joebloe12345 HB User
Exclamation Difficulty getting/keeping erection during sex - please help

Hey guys. I'm a 25 y/o male and have been facing some troubling and embarassing sexual problems with my wonderful superhot girlfriend of 5 months. I would greatly appreciate any help, ideally from people who have faced and overcame similar issues themselves.

While I've dated before, this is the first girl who I've become sexually involved with. I love her very much and have been greatly relieved to hear her tell me the same thing despite the fact that we haven't really had a great sexual encounter yet and I know that sex is important to her in a relationship. She's had 2 previous serious relationships, the most recent lasting for several years.

Anyway, I find that I can often get an erection by thinking about being intimate with her and also during times when I'm around her. However, if I anticipate at all that things are going to progress to sex, I stay completely limp. Even masturbation from myself or her often yields no results. The nearest reasoning I've been able to come up with is performance anxiety and that I totally lose touch with the moment and am focusing too much on getting an erection. I know it can also be a self-fulfilling prophecy by dreading similar problems the next time. While I know that it bothers her, for the most part she has been very patient and reassuring that she wants to work this out rather than ditch me for someone else. I have never really had any issues like this with masturbation when I'm alone so I can only assume that it is psychological.

I've talked to a few docs about this and have tried samples of Levitra and Viagra which have only helped to some degree. I've been able to get hard through masturbation with her, but I usually lose it very quickly when I go to put on a condom, when she's gone to give me oral, and sometimes even during sexual penetration. In the few times where we have been able to make it as far as penetration, I have been able to bring her to orgasm but found that it wasn't feeling as "good" to me as in masturbation. She's never been able to bring me to ejaculation independently (by masturbation, oral, or vaginal sex). Even when I masturbate myself with her, I've had times where I just couldn't bring myself to ejaculation. I think on some level, I actually find the idea of ejaculating embarassing and again end up losing focus.

In my own mind, I often relate these problems to issues of shyness/anxiety which I've always had to some degree (i.e. nervousness getting changed in front of others in gym class as a kid, difficulty urinating at a public urinal with others around, etc.). I consider myself in pretty good shape and to be a good looking guy (which she's attempted to reassure me of when I've told her about this). I also sometimes wonder if a poor self-esteem figures into the matter and that I sometimes don't think I'd be able to adequetely measure up in her eyes (or my own).

Anyway, sorry for this being so long but that's basicly the jist of it. I'd appreciate any advice and most importantly, any suggestions from those who have faced or overcame similar problems. Thanks!

Last edited by joebloe12345; 06-01-2008 at 02:20 PM.

 
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Old 06-02-2008, 10:19 PM   #2
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xxfirstonexx HB User
Re: Difficulty getting/keeping erection during sex - please help

sounds freakishly familiar, except I was only 18 years old. 20 now

When i first got sexually involved with my ex-girlfriend I was pretty uncomfortable and embarised and i experienced the same problems you are explaining, definately related to self-esteem and confidence issues. She was confused at first, but when we talked about and found a condition called retarded ejaculation on the internet, she was very supportive and patient with me, always assuring me that i'm an attractive person in every sense.

After a month or two I came during sex, an exciting moment for me. After that one time everything got better very quickly, I was just like a normal guy pretty quick.

I just kept trying to focus on the moment and what we were doing, i was surprised that i got cured so quick. Having a supportive girl helps a real lot, and in a bit of time and persistance you'll get there for sure.

Good luck

 
Old 06-03-2008, 05:59 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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joebloe12345 HB User
Re: Difficulty getting/keeping erection during sex - please help

Thanks for the response! I've really been hoping that if I could achieve success one time then that would be a real confidence boost and things would be better.

 
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