i've recently discoverd my husband and father to my 4 kids has been looking @ porn and masterbating several times a week. I feel completley betrayed because 2 dor three years ago i cought him sneaking around doing this and i told him how much it hurt my feelings. he promised not to do it agian...why is it important enough to do it even when he knows it's such a big deal to me. I am always here and always aivalable to him. we have sex 3-4 times a week and I never turn him down? why would he rather masterbate than be with me?is he thinking of the women in the porn when he's with me? to me this feels like cheating? please help me understand this.... its tearing me up inside and taking a major toll on my marriage
This is a tradtional difference-between-male-and-female debate, which has been going on forever. He sees it as a bodily function. You see it as infidelity. He is not cheating on you with another female...quite the opposite. He is taking a quick pleasure. Sometimes, you just want a quicky with no consideration of pleasing a partner, just a quick shot of endorphins to the brain. A woman often places this in a romantic, emotional context, and gives it undue emphasis, causing great emotional pain.
Is he pleasing you in bed? If so, do you really need every one of his sperms to be happy?
He is not having sex with another woman. He is not even that likely to be fantasizing about it. The pictures are eye candy to him, like a glance at the beach. Men and women masturbate. It's like a river flooding...you can't stop it. You can feel hurt, but where is it going to get you? It is like feeling hurt over rain falling. He masturbates to make sure the equipment is still in working order for you, and because it is natural for a human to pleasure themselves. It does not mean he is less committed to you.
He doesn't love his hand. He loves you. His penis doesn't look him in the eye, nor does it keep him company at the end of a long work day, nor does it produce him the children he loves.
I'll second Tommy. sometimes we men just want to get off. no kissing, no cuddeling, no worrying about making sure the partner gets all the pleasure they need. its just a release.
your husband was masturbating before you knew him. he probably like most boys started around 14 (if you have boys around that age then yes they are doing that too) and like most happily married men will continue to do it until they physically can't do it anymore.
Sounds like you ahve a great sex life. so obviously he finds you attractive and loves you. he isnt' ignoring you.
you are having the typical reaction a lot of women have when they find their boyfriend/husband are doing that and your husband said exactly what all men would say ok I wont do it again.
The truth of the matter is that both men and women often masturbate. You may not, for example, but many women do. Most of the time is about self pleasure and stress reduction. It's not about "cheating" or a lack of satisfaction within a marriage.
It's a perfectly normal human response. The only way I would get worried is if it got to the point where it really interfered with your marriage / sex life....i.e he was masturbating and not having any sex with you. However, you state that you have sex 3-4 times per week, which is well above average.
tommy puts it very, very well and I think most guys on the board would agree. I know that when I had a full-time girlfriend, I still masturbated, sometimes thinking about her, sometimes not really thinking at all. Most guys see a huge difference between sex and masturbation - it's why young guys can get together and masturbate to see who shoots the fastest, the furtherest or whatever and they seldom consider it to be sex. Sex is when you're with a partner and enjoying each other's bodies, etc. Chances are very good that if you asked your husband about it, the last thing on his mind would be that he was "cheating" on you; rather, he probably sees it as a quick release and a fun way to relax. It's really not a question of fidelity.
Oddly, I've been married 35 years. I stopped masturbating this year. Our sex life has been suffering. I need to start, so I don't lose more desire. My wife has really noticed the difference, and is discouraged. I need to do it for her.