I'm going through the same thing your boyfriend is so maybe I can give a bit of insight from the other sex.
For one, I'm very shy and I know that's part of it. She is the first partner I've ever been completely naked in front of, and only the second partner I guess you could say I was sexually involved with. I've yet to have vaginal intercourse. In short, I'm much more inexperienced than her. I don't mind too much because many of her ex's were
experienced and used her only for the sex. Also, wanting to please her but knowing I won't be able to as much as I'd like, realistically is also sort of intimidating to me. It's not like she's unattractive or I cannot get erections, either. I've felt very turned on being with her in-person, on the phone, and even a few IM sessions. She's very attractive to me.
Honestly, though I feel another obstacle is the time issue. I'm comfortable around her, of course, but getting up to a level of comfort to the point where being in that situation is no big deal will take time. Granted, this is the most successful and soon to be the longest relationship I've been in it still will take time.
Now that I've given you my situation I'll go ahead and give you the solutions I'm taking to get to the point where I can confidently have sex.
I'm not going to go with herbal teas, viagra, or anything like that. As "natural" as they claim to be, it's not as natural as being free of drugs, even if they intend to benefit me.
To expand on the idea of taking it slow, try this: gradually build comfort levels with him. Initially, I was very scared to give her oral. I even was a bit uncomfortable taking off my shirt in front of her, but now neither of those are an issue. It was just a matter of taking things in small phases without pushing him psychologically to that level.
keil mentioned the idea that you weren't meant to be a couple, but that's a terrible mindset to have in this situation. Sure it is mostly the guy's problem, but that doesn't mean you have to think like that. The biggest thing that she can do for me now to arouse me is to simply take the initiative and kiss me, tell me she loves me, etc. on her own free will. When I'm in a situation I don't think I'm ready to handle yet (see: sex
), it only makes it worse to get expected to do things. Reassure him that you love him and what he does to you or for you (if you in fact are in love and aren't in it just for the sex, as I'm assuming). It helps a lot.
I've also had this idea of blindfolding her the first time we have sex.