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Old 10-13-2008, 07:40 PM   #1
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Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

I'm 20 years old, soon to be 21, and I am a virgin. When I was in about 8th grade, I first attempted masturbation. When I initially did it, it took me about an hour to reach ejaculation. I did it under my bed sheets, and I honestly woke up the next morning thinking that I had imagined it. But I tried it again later, and knew it was real. Then I tried it, and watched myself ejaculate. Shortly thereafter, I became addicted.

Since 8th grade, I've masturbated almost every day. The exceptions to the rule, were ironically, when I had something to do all day, and didn't even think about it. Also, if I ever went on a trip or a vacation where I never got a chance for privacy (although even then I would sometimes find a way to do it). In (very) rare instances, where I would be home alone all day with nothing to do, I would masturbate up to 12 times. This was uncommon, but for me to masturbate twice or 3 times is not. I'd say that since 8th grade, I've masturbated 1.5 times a day on average.

About a year ago, something happened that lead me to believe that I would finally be having sex. When I started thinking about it, I realized how much trouble I had getting it up without contact, and that when I started to masturbate, I was able to ejaculate about 70% hard and that it took much less than a minute.

Yikes. I tried on a trojan condom, and it squeezed my penis so tight that veins bulged out of it. It's hard to describe, but it sort of stayed hard but went limp. Then it became mishapen and started to deflate.

A magnum condom worked much better, I was able to stay semi-hard, and I attempted to practice sex by masturbating with the condom on. The condom ended up bunched up at the head of my penis by the time I ejaculated. That didn't work out well.

When the time came, sure enough, the girl was interested in me, and I was actually happy to know that she wasn't interested in sex at first. It gave me a sigh of relief. However, she masturbated me, and I wasn't able to get hard. I asked her to grip my penis at the head, which is where I ussually do it, and I still couldn't get hard. She gave me oral sex, and I went flaccid. Then I gripped it and finished it myself.

This didn't seem to bother her, and by the end of the weekend, she ended up liking me so much that she wanted to have sex. I flat out told her that I had trouble getting it up with a condom on. She didn't seem to mind, and was willing to work with me. While we were doing foreplay, someone actually tried to break in to our room (loooooooong story, not as bad as you think) so I (thankfully) had a legitimate excuse not to be able to get it up.

I honestly feel that if I had more time with her, I would be rid of my problem by now. Unfortunately, there's a great distance between the two of us, so that's impossible. Since then, I've attempted to stop masturbating, but it's always been "this is the last day!" "I'll start Sunday!" or "I'll start the 1st of next month!" etc...

For the first time in my life, I'm away at college, and I share an apartment with 3 people who are trustworthy, but I really don't know. One of them is my room mate, so he has a right to open my door at any time without knocking, and a right to get suspicious if my door is locked for an extended period of time. That helps.

Over the past 6 weeks, I've stopped masturbating for 2 or 3 days at a time, only to fall back in to it. I once did it for 4 days at a time, only to fall back in to it. Finally, the past 5 days I avoided it, only to masturbate today, on the 6th day. Here's where it gets tricky.

When I say that I avoided masturbation I mean that I avoided ejaculation. Almost every day off I've started to masturbate, only to stop myself before ejaculation. Also, today, I was getting massive anxiety. Something that happened to me a while back was starting to bother me immensely. When I masturbated (and ejaculated) I realized I was over reacting and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Could it be that I'm suffering from withdrawal?

In any sense, I need to learn to stop masturbating, and how to "get it up."

Can anyone help me?

 
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Old 10-13-2008, 11:43 PM   #2
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springbok2007 HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Hi buddy. You put to much stress on yourself when with a partner. A lot of men get "stange fright" in the beginning. Its normal. Its also quit normal for some men to loose the moment putting on a condom. Once you are relaxed, it will eventualy works. Regarding masturbating. We are all different and you are still very young. Its very normal to masturbate daily. 12 times a day I would say is to much. You can bruize your penis. But 2 -3 times is normal as far as I am concerned. The problem is when you other daily activities are put asside for masturbation. This is not good. You have to try and find a healthy balance. You mention that you masturbate a lot but then stop before ejaculation. This will just make you even more horny.
I am 38 years old and still find it very satisfying to masturbate.
Bottom line: frequent masturbation at your age is very normal. Try and find a healthy balance though.

 
Old 10-14-2008, 06:34 AM   #3
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spiffy HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

I agree with the last poster, I went through similar things when I was younger and had a hard time stopping my self but as I got older I stopped thinking it was such a bad thing and when I stopped caring I actually did it less. I don't think you need to stop masterbating but maybe just cut down, once or twice a day or something might be more healthy.

I also think masterbation is good practice for sex. For most guys it is to practice stopping them selves finishing too soon but maybe for you it could be keeping it up without too much touching. Anyway, I'm sure you'll work it out in the end. We all do.

 
Old 10-14-2008, 07:09 AM   #4
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thebadone HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Like I said, for the most part, I am masturbating once a day. 12 times was when I was younger and didn't have a car, if I were home alone, I'd have no where else to go. Very rare instances anyway. If I only had trouble getting it up during sex, that would be different. I can't get it up all the way and for long even when I'm just masturbating. I think masturbating consistently, and when I'm not hard has conditioned my penis to be less able to "get up" and to ejaculate early. I need to learn how to correct this

Last edited by thebadone; 10-14-2008 at 08:16 AM.

 
Old 11-19-2008, 10:52 AM   #5
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Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Hello, what you are experiencing is normal. The first sexual intercourse encounter I had was a little weird as well. I was able to get it up and stick it in her without a condom, but then I had second thoughts and decided to pull out and put on a condom. I was having trouble putting it on as my penis went steadily limp, but I managed to get a "half-bone" and stick it in to do the deed.

Just make sure to talk to your partner and get comfortable with her, that is the key, to be comfortable with each other. Take it very slow, get naked and relax and just explore each others bodies, then when you are good and hard, stick it to her.

Also, did you say that when you are masturbating, and you start to think of it as sex, you go limp? This is just because you put too much pressure on yourself.

 
Old 11-20-2008, 04:48 PM   #6
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falcone HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

12 Times a day is a little much but its fine in moderation. Im usually once but twice the odd time a day.

And dont worry about not getting it up, just try not to think about it.

But one thing I will say, if what Ive noticed is that when though I was not nervous and was quite experienced, I often had trouble with hard erections. I posted here, and someone suggested that I was masturbating too much to porn and was in a way desensitising myself.

So I cut down, maybe once every 2 or 3 days, then I cut out porn, just masturbated to something soft or nothing at all, I found I was alot harder when it came to the real thing, and would never have a day off.

But sometimes, If I know im going to have sex, I try and masturbate earlier that day, so im not bursting in like 10 secs.

 
Old 11-20-2008, 10:25 PM   #7
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stophypertensio HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Never be by yourself

go outside
be around friends
get a job
study at a libary
excercise
pick up a hobby
something that doesnt lead you to being by yourself all the time

 
Old 11-29-2008, 10:52 PM   #8
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nannypaw HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Continue to masterbate! This is so normal!
You are lucky to have a girl that understands you! Keep her in your life!
Enjoy playing with yourself! I do!

 
Old 11-30-2008, 01:59 PM   #9
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future ms jones HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

ok when u say addiction it bothers me. Its not healthy to be addicted to anything. This is my experience. I just got out of a two year relationship with a guy who is now seeing a sex addict therapist. He is 37, I am 36. Our relationship started off as normal except for the great sex and the amount of it. Sometimes 3 or more times a day. I thought it was great. This from comming out of a relationship where sex was close to non existant. we shortly moved in together. and had a normal relationship. he had some fettishes that he slowly introduced to me. one was anal sex. not something i enjoyed but did for him. as our relationship progressed i found out about his obsession with internet porn and [deleted] where he would meet people and set up meetings. He denied ever meeting anyone but said he would do this for the rush while he would masterbate. The breaking point was when i found out he was spending an upwards of 1000.00 $ a month on phone sex. I left. That was a year ago. since then he has opened up to me somewhat. he is seeing a counselor once a week for sex addiction. The story I get from him is he wasnt always this way. It started out as masterbating just as u did. When he got to college he didnt have the privacy to do it so he found another way to funnel his addiction, he began working out. he was 3rd runner up for Mr Purdue with his graduating class. but after college he found himself with alot of time on his hands and began masterbating again. more than before. sometimes 17-18 times a day. after so long of that it became hard to ejaculate. so he started looking for other forms of stimulation. the porn was first, then the phone sex and internet. Then the anal sex. from that he began using Sex toys (dildos) etc on himself. I know this because after i left him I went back to get my stuff and found my camcorder in the closet. Thinking I was going to find a video of him and another girl i watched the video, It was just him using the toys on himself. this probably seems extreme but The beginning sounds similar to what he told me. My ex never saw himself in this position when he was 20 -21. Now he is 37 and this is where he is. He is self employed and great at what he does. But the reason he took this profession was so he would be able to masterbate when he wanted. it controlled his life. I just want to say masterbation IS healthy when it is done in moderation. but u must controll it. he wasnt able to do this on his own. he is now on a medication th dr prescribed, it lowers his drive. Another thing, I have done ALOT of reading on this and the way his addiction progressed is not un-normal and in some cases i read on it can lead to looking for other forms of stimulation. in the end of our relationship he had began to be sexually abusive to me. not severly but I do believe if i had stayed it would of gotten alot worse. I also do believe he was meeting people out on the road. (in hotels) etc. he did travel alot. and i do kno of one meeting in the end that was with a transexual. It was a very pretty black man who portrayed himself as a woman. I thought it was a woman at first when i found her (him) on [deleted]. just watch yourself and if u see yourself going in that direction. please seek help. Again, this was my bout with a sex addiction.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 11-30-2008 at 05:59 PM. Reason: Do not post web sites.

 
Old 12-06-2008, 09:34 AM   #10
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thebadone HB User
Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Thank you everyone for your help. I don't see my problem advancing to what you described Mrs. Jones, but thank you for sharing your story. I'm currently on day 7 of not ejaculating. I tried masturbating lying down last night, but couldn't get it all that hard. I think if I can get it hard lying down, then I can do it under any circumstances. I think if I can keep up with not doing it, then I'll try this once every 4 days, but without ejaculating. Outside of that, I shouldn't be touching myself.

Also, to the person that said I had a girl... I don't think you read the story right... I don't.

Since writing this story, I have had two sexual encounters. In both I couldn't get it up. One was with one girl, another was with two girls. So I'm feeling pretty pathetic about this right now. Mr's Jones, you say your boyfriend masturbated 17 times a day. If you don't mind me asking, did he have trouble getting it up? How long did he last?

I'm asking because some times I wonder if abstaining alone will help me solve this problem.

 
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Old 12-10-2008, 05:43 PM   #11
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Re: Masturbation addiction destroying my life. I need help.

Trying to stop is the hardest way. Let happen what happens. If you allow yourself the freedom to masturbate where the mood is right then it's not something you're trying not to do, which keeps it all the more on your mind than if you just "go with the flow" so to speak. The times in my life that I did it all the more were the times I tried to give it up. Allowing a reasonable numbers of solo sessions per week gave me the freedom NOT to think abut it. If it happened fine, if it didn't, well fine too and that made it even finer the next go around. And get yourself a good friend to talk to so this isn't a big well-guarded secret, The more you try to hide it the greater the allure and distraction and succumbing to doing what you try not to. Guys understand it and a good buddy whom you trust can be a great asset and resource. He can't condemn you [he'd be condemning himself] and his concern will be encouraging for you. Especially when you discover you CAN talk to someone trusted and not die. And he'll probably appreciate it too for his benefit. Don't try NOT to do it, just try to manage it reasonably, but don't obsess about it. Best wishes.

 
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