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Old 10-29-2008, 09:13 PM   #1
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He doesn't orgasm

I have a question regarding my boyfriend and our sex life.

He is a healthy man, works out and has a clean bill of health from his doctor. He is very interested in sex and is able to get and sustain an erection. He's excellent at prolonged foreplay! However...I've noticed that many times when we're having sex, he can go on forever...and tire himself without ever having an orgasm. Then he'll pull out and want to cuddle with me. Everything about the sex (and the cuddling) is perfect...but I'm concerned that he only climaxes sporadically. I think he's even faked an orgasm a few times! (We use condoms).

He's gotten a prostate exam and a prescription for Levitra. The Levitra definitely has increased his desire to pursue sex with me, and in the beginning I noticed that he was orgasming more. Now it seems like it's back to only "sometimes."

From the men on this board: is this normal? Are there any possible health or mental issues? Is he not enjoying himself ENOUGH to climax? Is there anything I can do to help him have more of those out-of-control moments of bliss? I really want him to....it makes me just as happy as it makes him.

I've heard so many tales of premature ejaculation...this is the first man I've known who rarely ejaculates. I love him. Someone please help! Thanks!

Last edited by angiedrewsgirl; 10-29-2008 at 09:15 PM.

 
Old 10-30-2008, 04:57 PM   #2
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Re: He doesn't orgasm

How old is he? As men age it generally becomes more difficult to achieve an orgasm. Some men, too, don't really experience great orgasms for whatever reason, and get sufficient satisfaction (not that they have any choice) from the other aspects of lovemaking. Some men secretly masturbate or have affairs that reduce their ability to orgasm with their spouse or significant other, but that doesn't sound like an issue in your case. Also, some men who are not sufficiently sexually stimulated can get erections and all, but still have difficultly achieving orgasm as his mind is not really in it. You might try something different (have sex in the woods, give him oral if you don't normally do it, rent a porn movie designed for couples, etc) that might perk his interest.

I do think that if he was overly frustrated, he would try to avoid sex, and that also does not seem the case here. It is wonderful you want him to enjoy things, and you should do what you can, but don't stress over it, or it might start to make him feel guilty, which will make things even worse.

 
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:34 PM   #3
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Re: He doesn't orgasm

I'm not so sure he got a clean bill of health but that's what he is telling you. There are reasons for not getting erections or being able to withstand the rigors of sex. But for now this is what he wants you to know and also it takes time to figure out what to do about the effects of Levitra. It is a totally different feeling and also he has to figure out what to do with all this...it is a learning curve. So let it go for now and let him develop his 'rhythm'. If you are very close to him you can ask if there is something more that you can do to help him but my guess is that even though he can now get the erection it is mainly for your satisfaction so enjoy him trying to make it nice for you. He just needs time to get to know his body now that he is on kind of the time clock. and he might be having negative side effects that he has to figure out...men are not always into discussing their 'problems'. Just have fun... he is trying.

 
Old 10-31-2008, 02:48 PM   #4
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Re: He doesn't orgasm

Dear Angie,

I am very glad you posted this, because I have had the exact same problem with my husband! He is young, fit, healthy, and unable to acheive orgasm through vaginal intercourse (he could through masturbation). And always has been, until very recently.

It used to really bother me when we were dating - is he not enjoying it? Am I doing something wrong? Is he cheating? etc, etc. But we seemed to sort of find a sexual routine that worked for us, that did not involve him climaxing. When I tried to bring it up, he seemed embarrased and defensive.

I can tell you that he is able to orgasm through sexual acts with me now. I think it just took a lot of understanding, a lot of trying new things, and a lot of patience. The first time it happened I didn't know what to do! It had never happened before! He was especially surprised and we spent the rest of that month trying to make it happen again. And it did. And again.

I'm sorry that I don't have any concrete information for you. He never consulted a specialist or urologist, and never was on any medication. I've chalked it up to just being comfortable in his own skin and being with me. With his new found "talent", things are really great! I'm not saying that this is necessarily the same issue that you and your boyfriend are having, but if it is, it worked out for us in the end.

Best of luck to you both!

 
Old 11-01-2008, 06:40 PM   #5
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Re: He doesn't orgasm

I was in a long term relationship about 10 years ago. You could have described him exactly as you did your BF. And for the first 4 or 5 months we had the same issue. It didn't seem to bother him and he asked me not to dwell on it. When it cleared up, I never really gave it any more thought and just figured it was an anxiety things in new relationships. About a year later he told me that he had, 1 months before we met, started taking antidepressants. He wasn't ready to tell anyone until then and they were the "problem". They make it (most of them) difficult to have an orgasm without a lot of work. Eventually, for the most past, the body adjusts. So I tell you this only to let you know there are lots of reasons things like this can happen. And just because someone is physically healthy, there can still be issues. Hang in there. Listen to him. Sounds like he's a pretty good guy.

 
Old 11-02-2008, 06:02 PM   #6
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angiedrewsgirl HB User
Re: He doesn't orgasm

Thanks, everyone, for writing back and posting on this. We had a "good" weekend...and hopefully we have more!

From what I can see, he's only on allergy medications. I haven't found any other pill bottles around the house. I am just going to relax and go with the flow. Since it doesn't seem to bother him, I won't let it bother me anymore.

He knows I love him. I know he loves me. Everything else will work out from there.

Thanks for all your advice, ESPECIALLY the person who told me to just chill! I appreciate it!

 
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