My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years now. She is 24 and I am 33. She has absolutly no sex drive whatsoever and I have an overactive one. We usually only have sex twice a month if I am lucky.
A few months ago, we discussed it and she told me she was having to write on a calender when we had sex, so she would know when she would have to do it again.
She says she loves it and she does have an orgasm every time. I have tried everything I can think of to get her in the mood. Everything from backrubs, nights out, romantic dinners, Everything.
My sex drive is almost out of control now. I don't know if it's because I don't have as much sex as I used to or if I have a condition. I know it frustrates her. She sometimes gets angry with herself saying she wishes she could have sex with me more often, but can't get in the mood. She says she can go forever without it.
My question is a two parter.
Number one. Is there a medical condition for her that causes her not to have a drive? and number two. Is there something out there for me to not be as sexual. I know some antidepressants have that side effect and I am on one. doesn't help.
But before you ask, I know she is happy. We are a very happily married couple. It's almost sickening to some people.
And I know, that when we do have sex, she is completly satisfied. Just no drive.
Oh, and one more question. On an average, how many times a month do "normal" couples have sex? Am I just being a goofball or what...
My wife and I consider our sex drive "normal". We have had sex 3 times since last Thursday. Sometimes it's once a week or not at all. Sometimes it's 3 times a week. I would say in a months time we have sex at least 8-12 times a month. We have busy lives, so we aren't consistent, but it's, we feel, a very satisfying sex life. Normal, I don't know I guess for sure, but for us it is. Even if she can't orgasm - it takes some time for her to orgasm, she still enjoys sex and wants me to orgasm. Hope that answered your question. Have her go to the doctor if you two think there is a problem. My wife isn't always in the mood, but I can usually get her in the mood.
I agree with her seeing an endocrinologist to see if her hormones are in proper balance. If everything is fine there then perhaps a sex therapist. As to what is normal, I can only speak what my wife and I have experienced in our 29 years together. We are both our second spouses and we started dating at the ages of 34. For the first 6 years, sex was every time we were together. We dated for 4 years, then lived together for 2 and then got married. For the first 6 or 8 years, we had sex 4 to 8 times a week. It has varied over the years, depending on whether we were stressed from work or had arguments. It varied from 1 or 2 times a month to 4 to 8 times a week. We are both now 63 and it is 3 to 6 times a week, as we are retired and getting along very well.
I don't think that there is a normal when it comes to sex. There are occasionally questions from both men and women where their partner only wants sex once a day and they think that 4 or 5 times would be more like what they want. I was sort of like that 20 years ago. I could have had sex 2 or 3 times a day.
My wife has always had a low sex drive too. It takes me some time to get her going and she almost never initiates sex. Fortunately, she knows that she enjoys it once I get her going and she is willing to let me most times. If it were not for that, my sex life would be like yours.
I do a lot of oral sex for my wife, as she has her best orgasms that way. I know that makes a big difference for her and it did for a previous girlfriend too. If you don't do much of that, give it a try. Most women can have multiple orgasms with oral.
What methods of increasing women's libido has she tried? I advise her to try Sentia pills. My wife has become feeling orgasms after the intake of this drug.
She is dead against pills. We talked about it again the other night and it seems like I may have made some headway. She offered to give me 10 coupons a month. Redeem one for sex. Which is kinda creepy. Then we talked it over and I think she knows where I am no. We will see. I will keep you updated.
I just posted something similar. Wow. Twice a month. You are lucky. I kid you not. My wife has also said the same thing about sex- she could go on forever without it. That she doesn't need it. The worst part about when a woman says that is the total lack of comprehension about their partner's sex drive. If I suggest to my wife that I don't think we should go out to a restaurant on a night when she really wants to, she gets mighty disappointed. That's even if I offer to cook or bring takeout home. If I suggest to my wife that we go to the gym and take a swim or work out even if we are a little tired I often get a severe reaction. She needs her rest. Certainly a valid point. She wants to go out to eat (and 95 times out of a hundred I say "sure"). She needs her rest, a valid point most of the time. It is as if she doesn't understand that sex is also a need and sometimes a desire. Men are often accused of being insensitive and often times we are. But with situations like these it is as if sex lies in some other category.
Sorry I can't be of any help here. I hope things work out for you. In my case my wife seems to get in the mood when she wants a child. So unless I am going to try to outdo the octuplet's mom one by one I am probably not going to be having a lot of sex.
[QUOTE=frambiscuits;3812020]My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years now. She is 24 and I am 33. She has absolutly no sex drive whatsoever and I have an overactive one. We usually only have sex twice a month if I am lucky.
fram, there is no such thing as a sex activity "average". Sex isn't like eating where commonly people try to do it three times a day. Plenty of people never get to have a sex partner their entire lives even if they preferred to have one, and they manage just fine. Every couple differs according to who they are. There is a saying: comparison breeds discontent.
I understood that we would like to know we can get sex mostly whenever we want it. But everyone has different appetites. Some barely care if they ever eat and others can't skip a meal. So, partly this is phsyical, but with a woman it is not only physical, but absolutely psychological. It is complicated. You guys can't truly understand, because you are not made the same way as us. Hence, you need to be able to listen.
If you make sex a negotiation rather than to learn about genuine intimacy (which is not sex) then how demeaning is that for you and for her? Don't accept a negotiation. Rather, learn who she is inside and why she feels she has to plan for sex rather than just enjoy it...there is something else going on that you don't know about her. For some reason she feels she has to "get ready". At any rate if you treat her like a person you care about and want to know deeply you then have an opportunity to have genuine intimacy. If she is this reluctant sex should be off the table until you know what holds her back. I'm sure you would not want her to feel pressured for sex if she was sexually abused and has not been able to open up and deal with it, for instance. Hopefully it is nothing so severe...but guaranteed it is something, and that she is held back inside is not a reflection on you.
By experience I can tell you that sex in a genuinely intimate relationship is way more satisfying than an orgasm gotten any other way. It is almost spiritual it is so beautiful.
So, strive for intimacy and selflessness and even though no one is perfect at it, if you do, you will be rewarded.