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Old 12-09-2008, 07:46 AM   #1
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Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Hi,

I've been married for a year (together for 2). I know I'm not well endowed and I've always known that my wife has had lovers larger than me. Initially, she took a while to adjust to me, but now I think we've both learnt about each other, and what we like, so the sex is now terrific.

Recently, during a conversation, penis size came up, and I asked her about the sizes of her past lovers, fully expecting most to be bigger than me. She said that 4 of the other 5 guys she's had sex with are bigger than me, the largest being a little over 7". We spoke about the differences between me and him, and she said that he would cause her pain sometimes, and that I was far more creative, considerate and as a result better. But, with me, certain positions are a little more problematic.

I know its silly of me, and that she married me, but a part of me can't help but feel jealous. Sometimes, I wonder if she says I'm better just to make me feel good. At times, thinking of his much larger organ, I can't help but feel outclassed and inadequate. Though, at the same time, she's my best friend, and I'm happy for my wife that she's had the chance to experience a large guy like him (since I can't fill her completely). How do I deal with this?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-19-2009 at 10:25 AM. Reason: Please do not survey members / Size removed.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:06 AM   #2
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

I know exactly what you are feeling. I have had the same emotions (still do occassionally). I just have to tell myself that while I may be smaller, she and I have fantastic sex. I have to take her word that she enjoys me. I have never had her tell me that her ex's were bigger (I have never asked as I am afraid of the answer) but I still can't help but feel that they were. Regardless, you just have to know that your wife loves you and is honest with you. Take her word that she loves making love to you and that you make her feel loved.

 
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Old 12-09-2008, 10:36 AM   #3
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Thanks Bobbert, good to know I'm not alone. While you may fear her answer, you already expect that she's had bigger - may be cathartic in a way to actually hear it from her

The strangest thing is that sometimes, I'm happy for her to have had such varied experiences. Does this happen to you?

 
Old 12-09-2008, 02:06 PM   #4
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

There isn't any size that is perfect. If it is long or thick then some positions will hurt. If it is short then some positions will not get enough penetration. My wife has been with 12 men, including me and her first husband. There were 2 who were much bigger than me. One was very long and fairly thick and he never did get it in the entire way and it would sometimes hurt and one was so thick that they never did have intercourse. One was a lot smaller than me and they could have intercourse in positions that are difficult for us because I hurt her. I'm somewhat bigger than average, but not what anyone would consider big and sometimes I would like to be smaller so that we could easily use some positions that I like, but have trouble doing. I wouldn't want to be as big as those 2 much bigger guys.

Now to the most important thing. Unless you are really, really small or so big that it hurts, very few women will care in the least. My wife had partners who were at least 1 inch smaller than me and it didn't matter to her. I never dated a woman who cared at all. All that mattered was how I treated them, how much I cared about their enjoyment of sex and did what was necessary to make sure that they enjoyed it, how affectionate I was and how much I respected them. Shortly after we started dating 29 years ago, my wife told me about her past boyfriends, told me about all the positions that some of them had used and told me that some were better at intercourse than me. However, she also told me that I gave her more orgasms than anyone had ever given her, that I cared about how much she enjoyed sex more than anyone had ever cared, that I was more loving and affectionate than anyone had ever been and that she enjoyed being with me and enjoyed sex with me more then anyone in her past. I believed her and still do and the fact that she has never even slightly desired one of those guys is all that I care about. I would imagine that your wife feels the same about you.

Just for information, there have been very few clinical penis size studies, where the measurements were done by staff, but here are the results of 3 of them. One was of 80 men and the average was 5.08 inches. another was of 50 men and the average was 5.35 inches. That other was of 300 men and the average was 5.9 inches, but participation was voluntary and the results are skewed upward, so the real average was probably shorter because smaller men didn't volunteer.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 02:13 PM   #5
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

First, congrats on your recent marriage!

Second, LISTEN to your wife. What is she telling you? The bigger guy hurt? That you are far more creative, considerate and as a result better?

Dude, you have nothing to worry about. Who'd she pick to share vows with? Regular whoopie sessions pretty much are a given with marriage. She is obviously satisfied -- oh, wait. "Sex is terrific" is the phrase you used.

And, believe me, certain positions are problematic with bigger guys, too. Most of them hurt. Oral and anal are also much more fun (and realistic) with someone more in the middle of the spectrum size-wise.

You've got to stop thinking about this and spend your energy on more worthwhile endeavors -- like how you're both going to enjoy each other tonight or tomorrow night!

Oh ... I've never talked to my DH about prior lovers' penis sizes. It doesn't matter one bit to me, and he is an amazing lover just the way he is. I would rather break off my arm than say something to him that might make him feel inadequate.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 02:16 PM   #6
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

the best lover I ever had was the smallest.....probably just a few inches, but he had a TECHNIQUE....
look up coital alignment technique (CAT) and start practicing.....


 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:00 PM   #7
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Let me let you in on a little know "women secret"...most women(every one I've talk to about it) really don't think that part of the male anatomy is all that attractive to look at...as they said on Seinfeld, it's utilitarian HAHA!!!! Women (most of them) aren't like men and boobs thinking that bigger is better...I mean women just don't get all the excited about looking at it...HAHA!

Rose is right...it's not size, it's technique..."the potion's in the motion"!!!! My hubby ain't all that big and I wouldn't want him to be any larger at all! 5" is plenty! OH and anyway...5 inches is the average size. Actually of all the men that I've been with...maybe a dozen...I can't think of any of them any bigger than that.
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 12-09-2008 at 08:05 PM.

 
Old 12-10-2008, 05:12 AM   #8
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

5 inches is absolutely average, worldwide. it's nice that you are happy for her that she experienced a larger one, but truth be told, it probably means more to you than it does to her. women are not nearly as size obsessed as men. how you can stop thinking about it, is realizing that the time you spend thinking about something which doesn't matter, and affects nothing, and can't be changed, is taken away from the present, when you could actually be accomplishing something you want to do, or doing a kindness to someone else. she dumped him, and married you. her actions speak louder than words.

 
Old 12-10-2008, 04:32 PM   #9
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

I think Tommy really put it best. This guy I've been with several times, he's not that big, but he sure knows what he's doing. I wouldn't trade his size for anything because he is quite literally the best I've ever had. His method has nothing to do with his size. But he has read countless books about seduction and making love and he knows how to get a woman's mind engaged long before he ever gets her into bed. I mean, he's awesome. So, I don't personally care about his size, just the fact that he gets me so excited before I even see him is what gets me going.

Listen, your wife chose you over all those other guys. I'm sure she's happy with you, regardless of your size. But if you're overly concerned then start reading more books on lovemaking and bring some extra moves next time. Surprise her. Keep her guessing. There's a whole big art with seduction, and if you do it right then you'll keep her wanting more all the time. Trust me!

 
Old 12-10-2008, 05:47 PM   #10
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Kszan you go girl! Sounds like you've got a keeper!

And to comment on the average size of 5 inches.....

do you know what that means?????

for every guy out there that's got 7 inches, there's a guy who's got 3 inches

for every guy out there that's got 8 inches, there's a guy who's got 2 inches

for every guy out there that's got 9 inches, there's a guy who's got 1 inch

for every guy out there that's got 10 inches.....well we don't want to talk about the poor other guy to balance that one out.....

you get the message, there's lots of different sizes......a penis is a penis.....it's what you do with it that counts!

 
Old 12-11-2008, 02:51 PM   #11
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Quote:
Originally Posted by flaming ferrari View Post
Recently, during a conversation, penis size came up, and I asked her about the sizes of her past lovers

I know its silly of me, and that she married me, but a part of me can't help but feel jealous. Sometimes, I wonder if she says I'm better just to make me feel good. At times, thinking of his much larger organ, I can't help but feel outclassed and inadequate. Though, at the same time, she's my best friend, and I'm happy for my wife that she's had the chance to experience a large guy like him (since I can't fill her completely). How do I deal with this?
Since you're the average size, it's just poor luck that your wife has had more lovers who were bigger than who were equally larger or smaller. I really can't add anything to what the others have said except that you really have to just trust your wife on this one. You can't do anything about it, it was VERY foolish of you to even ask, and now you should try to forget it and just continue being the best lover she's ever had, regardless of your size.

And maybe comment on your advice for guys to ask their partners about their experiences, that it's cathartic. Maybe, if they're masochists. Seriously, that is terrible advice, lol. I would file advice like that under "how to drive yourself crazy". I would never suggest anyone, male or female, ask their partner about their past lovers unless they are absolutely sure the answer will only make them look good, or that their partner will lie.

 
Old 12-13-2008, 11:25 PM   #12
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Thisby,

When I said asking the wife if she's had bigger could be cathartic, I meant is specifically for bobbert, who seemed fairly certain that his wife had larger lovers, but didn't know for sure. From the personal experience of being in the same position, I think it was better for me to actually hear from my wife where I was in the size department, rather than have that thought nagging me at the back of my mind....

 
Old 12-14-2008, 02:56 AM   #13
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Quote:
Originally Posted by flaming ferrari View Post
I think it was better for me to actually hear from my wife where I was in the size department, rather than have that thought nagging me at the back of my mind....
I do agree with that, but a person should also be sure that it won't bother him/her before they ask. Be prepared to find out that every guy had a bigger penis or that every woman had bigger breasts before you ask. I don't remember if I asked my wife or if she just told me about the size of her past partners, as we both sometimes asked things during a discussion and sometimes volunteered information. We didn't let details like that bother us because we both believed that the other was the best overall lover that either of us ever had. We both liked being with each other more than we ever had with someone else, even if that someone else was better at some particular thing. Our discussions helped both of us become better at the things that we were not as good at.

 
Old 12-20-2008, 07:49 PM   #14
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

Who cares. Why dont guys talk about the size of a womans vagina like penis size? Have you ever told her your ex lovers were "tighter" or "looser" than she was?

My philosophy on past sexual experiences; Dont ask, Dont tell. Think about ways you can spice up your sex life rather than dealing with and adding to your own self esteem levels.

The worst sex I've ever had was still wonderful.

 
Old 01-19-2009, 06:40 AM   #15
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Re: Penis envy - Wife's exes had larger penises

honey, u know how the saying goes, its not the size that matters, but how you use it!
my boyfriend is roughly the same size as you and i find sex with him more pleasurable than the sex ive had with larger men, because he knows how to use it.
confidence is the key, there is nothing more attractive than someone who is comfortable and confident in their own skin

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-19-2009 at 10:25 AM. Reason: Reference to deleted text removed.

 
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