Okay, I think I've been having a bad case of performance Anxiety. I'm 20, and have had about 5 or so different sexual experiences so far in my life (with different people). EVERY-TIME I haven't been able to get hard. I've even had oral sex done to me multiple times... and nothing at all. I'm still a virgin, probably due to this reason. (unless oral sex counts. But i'm talking about i'm a virgin to "real sex") I'VE LOST THE PAST 3 POSSIBLE REALTIONSHIPS DUE TO THIS REASON... And I just got into a new one. I'm gona go crazy if I lose this one.. =/.
And I know someone may think this, but treatment for depression won't work.. I wouldn't be depressed if I didn't have this problem! lol. I do kind of have low self-esstem, and am shy, but there's nothing I can do to change that.
I'm able to get an erection when by myself. I masterbate regullary... I even wake up with one some-times. I explained it to the doc (I actually went to two docs).
First one kinda ignored my problem, asked if I had any other problems, and gave me Xanax for anxiety, haven't tried them.
The other doc did a test for testerone -all normal. He gave me Cialis to try, even though I don't have ED. It seemed to make my erections last a tad bit longer WHEN BY MYSELF, but I still didn't get hard when with my girlfriend. Either cialis isn't working for me, or it's the fact I masterbated like 24 hours before I saw my girlfriend, and it kinda reduced my sex drive. I dont know. I guess I'll have to try it again, but it gives me major flushes and it gives me eye pain. So I kinda don't like taking it. Maybe I just wont masterbate for at least 2-3 days before I see my girlfriend, then take Cialis. Then maybe?
What can I do?! I've tried to "just relax". Doesn't work. It's like you being in a lion pit face to face with a lion, and trying to tell yourself "oh just relax"... it just won't happen! I've also tried to talk about it... doesn't really help either.
The only other option I thought of is taking the Xanax the first doc gave me. Has anyone tried this for performance anxiety? The doc gave me the min 0.25MG. I heard that xanax kinda "makes all your worries go away, clears your mind, and can make you more social because you lose all your worries. Almost like being drunk". So do you think maybe that would help me get over this? Or would the xanax just completely remove my sex drive? (even at a low dose?). By no means would I take xanax on a regular basis, i'd probably only take it once or twice and then never again, just in hopes that it will "help me get over the hump" for the first time.
Last edited by Cowsandcows15; 12-17-2008 at 09:34 PM.
Something you said troubles me ... "I even wake up with an erection sometimes" ... at your age of 20, you should be having frequent nocturnal erections. I know your doctor said your testosterone was "normal" but if you read this forum much, you know that doesn't mean anything. You need to request a copy of your lab results and let us know what your testosterone number is - you may be "low normal" which can be troublesome in itself and impact erection quality. Don't assume your hormones are good just because a doctor said they're "normal".
You might also try the supplement L-Arginine ... it increases Nitric Oxide in the body, which is what Cialis (and the others) uses to create an erection. The two work together - it might help.
I know performance anxiety is a hard thing to overcome. Definitely abstain from masterbation before being with your girlfriend ... take some supplements ... use the cialis, and see if you can't get a couple good experiences under your belt to build your confidence. Definitely be open with your girl about what you're dealing with - it can only help.
Thanks for the response, I'll have to ask my doc for the exact number.
As for "L-Arginine", I was reading about it and taking ED medications such as Viagra with it.. Very few sites had any info on it, but one site said it would enhance the effect of viagra, while about 3 or so other sites said that you SHOULDN'T take them together. So I'm kinda confused on that..
Here's a quote I read from one site about taking L-arginie and Viagra:
And then a quote from another website:
So yeah, I was kinda confused on that.. There where multiple websites saying not to combine the two, so blah. How about the anti-anxiety med Xanax? Since my problem is anxiety/nervousness/performance anxiety, wouldnt something that gets rid of Anxiety, like Xanax, shouldn't that be a temp fix to my problem? The low dose shouldn't lower sex drive (in fact I read some people say it INCREASED while on low doses of xanax, due to feeling more relaxed and worry free). But I hate taking any kind of medications, as I always start to worry about the side effects the second I take it, so I only want to try it if someone thinks it could help, or maybe if someone here has tried it with positive results. Otherwise, I'd rather not ever even try it.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-18-2008 at 10:40 AM.
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have you tryed fourplay or maybe watching a porn with your girfriend ,you may get into the movie and before you know it be good to go ,I have had this problem and its only the first or second time with that person that it happens after that I guess I feel better and things seem to go good.Im a shy guy and it ruff to get pass the first time but I think you'll be ok.
Don't force the sexual experience. Do it when you are comfortable and want to have sex with her for the experience and not the performance. Try masturbating immediately before you engage in sex with her. Excuse yourself for a pee break, then get busy.
If you are not comfortable with her sexually, then it will not work out. Try getting naked and fooling around nonsexually a few times. Tell her you have anxiety and performance issues, and expect it to happen. Usually the mornings is the best time to break the ice becuase it tends to be boner-ama for most guys in the morning. Wake her up with a nice little tickle.
I have dealt with the same issues my whole adult life. It sucks.
I'd suggest either, watching porn with her, or maybe playing with her and then when you start to hear her moans and enjoyment that might get you fairly aroused. Maybe it wouldn't but this seems to turn me on a fair bit. Maybe try it- it's worth a shot!!
I hope this or any other suggestions in this post help you, and good luck!!!
Having pretty much the same problem, im dating a girl who really enjoys sex, 25 horus a day, 8 days a week, and its tearing us appart, we did do it once, and it was alright, but my hips dont compare to my hand and now the pressure of how much is riding on sex is getting to me, are there any over the counter products that could help? I also have low blood pressure, coudl this contribute to it at all?
Man, you sound exactly like me at that age. The first time I tried I was 17 and couldn't get it up. It killed my confidence and I never had the courage to approach women. I didn't get my first piece until I was 20. Luckily the girl was really cool about my issue and extremely understanding and willing to help me out and not give up on me.
It took a few times until I finally succeeded. I had to stroke it a few times with some good ol' KY Jelly right before penetration, get that sucker in there and just start pounding. I was able to keep a pretty good erection as long as I kept thrusting. After that it built my confidence, I kept using the lube and future attempts were much easier.
Hopefully you can find a girl who is cool and understands that this problem is quite common and to just be patient and stick it out with you. Every time there is an unsuccessful attempt, make sure you reward her with some good oral. She'll see that you do want to please her and it'll help her be more patient.
I'd like to know if taking a xanex with a viagra would help you get that first notch on your belt.