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Old 05-30-2009, 01:23 AM   #1
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Rosiebenj HB User
Why take viagra and not have sex?

M Husband has been suffering from mild ED for a few years now, there was a point when he started taking viagra that he purchased via the net in secret. I found them hidden away and confronted him as I am an open person and felt that this was something that he should have been able to discuss with me. I asked him to go visit the doctor and get checked out properly as he couldn't be sure that what he was taking was right for him and lord forbid he ended up with a heart attack and I did not know he was taking stuff.

He never went to the doctor, continued to take different stuff but changed his thehiding place. I am an attractive and takes very good care of my self, matter of fact I am the one that initiates sex. I have even tried discussing this with him, yet he never really makes the move. This is my second marriage and my first husband cheated, looking back I was not always keen to make love so I decided that when I got involved again this will not be the case.

My new husband, 15yrs friendship, 7yrs relationship and 2yrs married is a quiet and very secretive person. I am talkative and very open. I talk about everything, recently I found out that he is into porn in a big way, when in the past he led me to believe that he has not got any real interst in it. because he has kept all this hidden, I was not supposed to find out. Don't know when he watches it, I have never seen him watching them, even when the x channel flicks on at a certain time at night, i might look for a few minutes and even try to get him to look but he appears to not be interested. (Is this a ploy to take scrutiny away from him)

Now I have found out that he is taking the blue(viagra) he has them hidden, He has taken one every day or night for the past week but has not had sex with me. I have ruled out an affair because I can account for his whereabout, He took one last night, he never attempted to make love(don't know if he was waiting on me to make the move) it was the same thing for the past week. So why take viagra and not have sex, is he taking it to masturbate while sneakly watching porn?

Sorry for such a long note.

 
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:13 PM   #2
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Greg721 HB User
Re: Why tke viagra and not have sex

I cant say for certain, all i can say are ideas, maybe he is taking them every day so when you initiate sex you wont be disapointed.

im 18 yearsold and have problems getting and keeping an erection, and i know persoally, its tearing my relationship apart, so perhaps he just does this as sort of a pre-cautionary thing, once again, im just saying ideas.

 
Old 06-05-2009, 09:55 PM   #3
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MyBeautifulSky HB User
Red face Re: Why take viagra and not have sex?

well i think...my personal opinion that he is taking them for other reasons, which i guess would be porn. if he didn't tell you that he liked porn in the first place maybe he feels stupid or something.

either way he is still keeping a secret from you which isn't cool. maybe you need to confront him on that.

best of luck!
*C

 
Old 06-08-2009, 08:13 AM   #4
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Re: Why take viagra and not have sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiebenj View Post
... is he taking it to masturbate while sneakly watching porn?

...

Yes, I should think that is it: he is using Viagra for his masturbation session. That wouldn't be much of an issue if he were also having sex with you, satisfying your needs. It seems he is putting you in the second place. How old is he? I may be wrong, but he's being evasive and immature and also unkind to you.

I would consider talking to him again, seriously, without making a fuss, about how you feel with his behaviour. He can even have his porn, if that is the case, but you don't want this feeling of rejection. You can even propose counselling. If he doesn't listen again, maybe it's high time you moved on.

 
Old 06-08-2009, 03:59 PM   #5
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Re: Why take viagra and not have sex?

1. Many men find sexual performance problems to be very embarassing and will go to great lengths to hide it. Confrontation will only make things worse.

2. He might be taking Viagra for porn, but it is also possible he is hoping it will revive his libido; but at the same time he is afraid to initiate sex with you because he is afraid he won't be able to perform - perhaps the Viagra isn't really working - you didn't say if he has performance problems when you initiate things.

3. ED can be a sign of other serious health problems including heart disease, diabetes and tumors. It can also be a sign of low hormones which is also a serious condition leading to muscle loss, bone loss, prostate cancer, depression and self social isolation.

What to do? No confrontations, no accusing, no framing the problem in terms of you not being happy. If he has a serious problem, then you need to talk about him and only him. I suggest you set up a doctor appointment for him for a complete physical. Talk to the doctor ahead of time and tell him you think he is having sexual problems and he most likely won't talk about without being asked. The tell your husband you are worried about him, you are concerned about his health and that you have set this appointment to be sure he is really ok. He will most likely not want to go but you have to insist and go with him to the waiting room to be sure he goes.

 
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