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Old 06-19-2003, 11:19 AM   #1
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Exclamation sex crazed wife

ok, now i know it sounds crazy to complain about this but i have been with my wife for 11 years and she is absolutely sex crazed. she wants to have sex every night and when i don't put out she sulks and cries. she has never turned me down when i wanted sex so that part is good but she doesn't understand me when i just don't feel like it. i'm happy with sex about twice a week but she seems to think that means i don't love her as much. i love her to death and i love having sex with her--just not ALL the time! i give her oral and 'treats' whenever i feel up to it but she thinks maybe i need to see the doctor about this? she thinks i need to take something to increase my sex drive. i'm happy with her body too...i just can't explain why i don't want to do it all the time. Our roles seem reversed. any ideas?

 
Old 06-19-2003, 11:28 AM   #2
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Man, wish I had that problem! LOL I don't have any answers here, just to validate your question. Each of us has very different sex drives. Personally, like you...twice a week is sufficient for me (and those are few and far between!) I hope your wife can understand that sex doesn't mean love and that you don't love her any less because your sex drive is different. Communication is the key to relationships and especially sex stuff. I'd suggest continuing the conversation when she isn't already upset over it. Maybe the two of you could "compromise" in some way?

 
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Old 06-19-2003, 11:56 AM   #3
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ya, she can get pretty frustrated so theres no sense talking to her when she's like that. but lately she had been masturbating when i don't feel like having sex. she just loves it when i get turned on enough to join in!

she says she knows its not about love but i'm still worried that she thinks i don't love her enough. for the first 3 or 4 years of our relationship we had sex at least once a day. i guess i just got enough to do me for a while LOL

does viagra give you more sex drive? i have no problem with erections. actually, somethings she can get me hard even when i don't want sex and she'll just crawl up on top and ride me until she's orgasmed.

 
Old 06-19-2003, 12:19 PM   #4
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First, Viagra does not increase your sex drive. You don't seem to have an ED problem at all!

Second, frequency of sex does not equate to the amount of love. Some women do seem to think this, though, and will insist on having frequent sex as proof of love. In your case, the fact she can still orgasm when you aparently just lie there, shows to me she simply likes sex and does it for reason.

She really needs to be more respectful of you. I mean, if a man were to climb aboard his wife who really didn't want sex whenever he wanted to, we would be harping about how insensitive the man was and how this might even be marital rape. The fact that the man gets an erection from his wife's play does not necessarily mean he wants sex, and this is something women find difficult to understand.

You may either have to get forceful with her when she wants it and you don't, and simply tell her no. This could be a difficult thing to do, but it is what women often have to do when their husbands are oversexed. Tell her she is free to masturbate on her own, but to please let you rest. If this doesn't work, or if you are too concerned about hurting her, and if a talk won't work, then you both may need sex therapy to work out your differences.

 
Old 06-19-2003, 12:28 PM   #5
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Do you have low sex drive
or are you to tried for sex( working 10-12 hrs , 5,6,7 days a week)
See a doctor and get checked out, a good doctor will run all the right test before writing RX for viagra.

 
Old 06-20-2003, 09:40 AM   #6
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Gee.You poor man. *eye roll*
And magnetic,it's not like he said she climbs ontop of him and practically rapes him. How do you know she's not respectful towards him?

[This message has been edited by allygirl (edited 06-20-2003).]

 
Old 06-20-2003, 11:46 AM   #7
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Grimlock

I am female and have a higher sex drive than my husband. I want it all the time and he does not because he says he is tired. Which he is, he has stomach problems, asthma and has a long commute to and from work. I just can't keep my hands off of him.

Question... do you masturbate????

 
Old 06-20-2003, 03:11 PM   #8
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no i don't masturbate. i don't need to! anytime i've ever wanted sex all i have to do is ask! seriously!

and no she doesn't rape me. not in the slightest. if i didn't want her to crawl up there she wouldn't. she's not mean to me but she gets sulky. the problem is me not her. i really want to want to have more sex. i think i'm just tired (i work 60 hours a week) and maybe i have a low sex drive. she really tries hard to spice things up for me....lots of oral, erotic dancing, role playing...she's game...but i still don't want sex near as much as her.

if it is indeed a low sex drive that i have then can the dr. give me something for that. she's offered to go and ask the dr. to give her something to lower her sex drive. she masturbates every day. sometimes even on days when we have sex. she is a very sexual person but i think she's worried that she's too sexual.

i'm hoping we'll work out a way to meet in the middle.

is it even possible to get something to lower your sex drive? (for her obviously) and something to give mine a boost?

 
Old 06-23-2003, 08:37 AM   #9
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After reading this post, I asked my husband if I am overwhelming for him. He said no, he wants to have sex but is also very tired. I told him all he has to do is lay there and I can please him, he does not have to do anything, JUST DON'T FALL ASLEEP. I also get upset if he does not respond. I suffer from depression and if I am not on medication that is when I get upset. When I am on meds, I understand.

 
Old 06-23-2003, 07:33 PM   #10
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I would love to be able to talk to your wife. I thought I was the only one with this problem. My husband absolutely adores me, but we are both soldiers and have exhausting work hours. My sex drive is extreme, sometimes I HAVE to have it 3 times a day. If he's too tired or not in the mood then I feel rejected. I think part of my sex drive is physical and hormonal, but I also think part of it stems from insecurity and a need to constantly feel connected to him. Its horrible for me because I feel like he doesnt want me and I get so sexually frustrated. Its horrible for him because he feels guilty for pushing me away or hurting my feelings and he also feels pressured. It has hurt both of our self esteems. We have a wonderful marriage in every other way. The doctor can, in fact, prescribe meds to increase your drive, but it is likely that the two of you are going to have to find a middle ground. We finally have. Its hard, and sometimes I still get upset, but communication makes it easier. We are a young couple, in our early 20s, and I think that makes it even harder on me. Even if she wasnt insecure before your sex life started to seem unbalanced, its very likely that she is now. No matter how much logic you put into it, it still hurts to be turned away or to feel like your partner wants you less than you want them. Try to address those problems and reassure her often. Consider counseling. Its has helped us immensely. Anyway, I hope this helps, and please let your wife know that she is absolutely not alone!

 
Old 07-11-2003, 12:34 AM   #11
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DO NOT accept any blame for your wife's total selfishness.

No wonder you have a low sex drive - mine would be zero if my wife acted the way you described yours (sulking and crying when she doesn't get sex every day).

When are people going to admit that contrary to popular belief, most men are not ready for sex every waking hour? Some of us do have careers, chores, kids, and many other things to do too.

I do wonder if this is something new, or has it been an issue in your marriage all along? Because my guess is that there is something else going on that has absolutely nothing to do with the sex (or lack thereof) between you two.

Save yourself a doctor visit, but get her to see one right away.

 
Old 07-11-2003, 09:31 AM   #12
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I donít know if selfishness or disrespectful are the right words here. I have to say, my first thought was itís probably an age thing. I donít know how old either of you are, but I am sure yo are aware that men hit their sexual peeks from 16-to early 20's. Women on the other hand, just hit their sexual peeks in their early to mid thirties. Does this sound about right?
Anyway, I hope things work out for you. I would definitely talk to your wife and explain to her that sometimes you are just too tired and it has nothing to do with your attraction and love for her. I wonder something else, do the two of you always wait until the evening, after work...so on and so forth. Is it possible to have a nooner? I donít know, itís just a thought. I was thinking maybe something like this would be better for you.
Again, good luck and keep us posted.

 
Old 07-11-2003, 11:02 AM   #13
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ya, we do it more on weekends but during the week itís about 10 or 11 at night before we go to bed.....that's normally when we have sex...so by then Iím pretty tired.

i don't think she's totally selfish as someone put....and to clarify she doesnít cry and sulk everyday.......but yes she does sometimes. She can be a tad insensitive but i love her and want both of us to be happy so that is why i'm working on this. i guess what i really want to know is if i go to the dr. can he prescribe something to increase my drive?? I donít want to go there if there is nothing he can do for me.

she is 27 and Iím 31..........she has always had a higher drive. We met when she was 16 and i was 21 and she could even outsex me then!



[This message has been edited by grimlock (edited 07-11-2003).]

 
Old 07-13-2003, 06:38 AM   #14
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Sorry, but other than treatment for low testosterone, there is nothing a doctor can do medically for "low sex drive." I suspect that since you said you were typically up for it a couple of times a week, that you do not have what's called Androgen Deficiency - which is a real medical condition that can result in a variety of health issues - as well as a sex drive that is basically nil.

What you are experiencing is relative common though. With the increased sexual response in women as they age... and the decrease of the same in men, some adjustment is necessary. Add to that the fact that most men are simply not the walking sex machines that many women (and society in general) portray us to be and you have a situation that sometimes must be worked though.

I still think the key to your situation is her behavior for not getting her way sexually. If her episodes of anger and sadness when she doesn't get sex are something new, then I think she needs to see a doctor or that she is sending you a powerful message.

If it's not new, then I'm surprised you have any sex drive towards her left at all - irrespective of how much you love her.

I mean, if she reacts the way you described when you are not in the mood... how might she react if you can't get or lose an erection on one of those times you are in the mood? Talk about a sex drive buster.

[This message has been edited by MarriedinTexas (edited 07-13-2003).]

 
Old 07-13-2003, 02:58 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by MarriedinTexas:

I still think the key to your situation is her behavior for not getting her way sexually. If her episodes of anger and sadness when she doesn't get sex are something new, then I think she needs to see a doctor or that she is sending you a powerful message.

If it's not new, then I'm surprised you have any sex drive towards her left at all - irrespective of how much you love her.

I don't think he means that she gets angry with him when they do not have sex. I think he means that she feels upset and is hurt when he does not want to have sex, and it's perfectly acceptable for her to feel hurt and upset.

To the original poster:
I think that you need to communicate more with your wife on this. Make sure she knows that it's not because you don't *want* to have sex with her,it's because you're tired or simply are not in the mood. And make sure to set apart some time for just the two of you.


 
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