Sexual Anxiety/Condoms - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

blahblah1234 · 11-13-2009, 11:11 AM

Okay, first time posting here. Little info about myself:

I'm 18
in great shape (play hockey and lacrosse and run a lot)
non-smoker
I drink but not heavily, only socially and never alone

I had some issues with sexual anxiety and condoms in the past but I thought they had gone away. I'm dating a girl that I REALLY like and it just became an issue again about 30 minutes ago. I'm pretty much devastated and I'm looking for answers.

Basically this girl is a "good" girl that I'm with and she made me wait a pretty good amount of time before I could have sex with her. She's only been with one other guy and I've been with a couple of girls so she seemed pretty apprehensive. To make things clear, I am EXTREMELY attracted to her and get strong erections around her ALL the time, whether or not our clothes are on or off. Like many girls that are trying to make a guy wait, she kept me content for the past few months by giving me oral sex or using her hand. When we were doing these things I NEVER had a problem getting a strong erection. Heck, half the time I would just be lying next to her in bed without her doing anything and I'd have a strong erection.

Anyways, today we were fooling around between class and I asked to have sex with her (like I always do, half jokingly expecting another "no") and she said yes. I was inside of her for a few strokes without a condom on just to get her going a little bit and I was fine with a strong erection. She told me to put one on so I did.

Here's where everything went wrong. Since she made me wait so long to have sex with her there was a ton of build up to this moment. Putting the condom on just ruined it as I had to sit up and fumble around with the wrapper for 30 seconds. Even though it only took me 30 seconds it felt like an eternity and I kept second-guessing myself in my head. After I got it on I started getting nervous and once I got it on my erection started to dwindle. I waited MONTHS for this day when I never had to wait longer than 3 weeks with any other girl I've been with and I blew it...

This has happened to me once before with another girl, but I wasn't half as into her, had had a little bit to drink and it was freezing where we were so I didn't make much of it. Now I'm starting to get worried because this should NOT have happened.

I tried to get her on top (because I heard missionary position is the worst for guys with erectile problems but I could be wrong) but she didn't want to be on top for our first time which is understandable. I pretty much just made lame excuses and tried to hide my penis from her until she got fed up and put her clothes back on. Extremely embarrassing. She had no idea what to think because I'm always asking to have sex with her and when she finally gave me the opportunity I passed it up.

I don't understand it. I'm ready to go and then all of the sudden my erection just goes away. Could it be because the condom is too tight? I'm about 7 inches long, but I think that should be fine in your basic lubricated trojan...right? Or do you guys think this is mental? I have to say, the only other time I had the same problem there was a TON of build up to me having sex with the girl (a bunch of her friends and a bunch of my friends wanted it to happen and I was kinda pressured into hooking up with her). I think this is psychological. I'm a very social person but I'm high strung and stressed out a lot. I get nervous for no reason. Usually if I'm nervous in a social setting like a party I have a drink or two and I'm fine, but obviously alcohol isn't going to solve my erectile problems.

Can someone please help me? I feel like I could fall in love with this girl and I'm too embarrassed to tell her I might have a problem, especially because she might think I'm making something up because I'm hard around her all the time when we're doing other things.

Please help.

Lily2005 · 11-13-2009, 04:10 PM

Yes, I think it was mostly mental, combined with having to fumble with the condom, which was distracting and broke the mood. You already said, "I kept second-guessing myself in my head... I started getting nervous..."

Although I don't know how this girl would react, I think openness and honesty usually is the best policy. I don't know what she was thinking when you "just made lame excuses and tried to hide my penis from her until she got fed up," but sometimes a girl will blame herself for these things.

If I were in your girlfriend's shoes, I'd prefer open communication.

blahblah1234 · 11-13-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily2005

If I were in your girlfriend's shoes, I'd prefer open communication.

I know but that's just so much easier said than done.

If I get nervous enough to lose erections at 18 with a healthy lifestyle, it's just way too optimistic to think that I'm gunna be able to muster the courage to tell her that I might have a problem. That's honestly the last thing I want to do.

Plus, she is NOT the type of girl that likes to talk about anything sexual. She's all unicorns and butterflies and she'd rather "make love" than "have sex" if you know what I mean. It's not that she isn't a supportive person but I just don't see that conversation going well at all...

Would cutting down on masturbation (or stopping completely) help? Right now I masturbate 3-4 times a week. I'd honestly be willing to just go cold turkey I don't even care how bad my stamina gets. I rather be able to make this girl happy for at least SOME amount of time.

Any other suggestions? I don't want to rely on pills like Viagra. I hate getting dependent on medication and I'm just too young and healthy to be using that stuff. There has to be another way....