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husband has NO desire whatsoever

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Old 09-16-2003, 08:01 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Delhi, NY, USA
Posts: 32
wifelookingforanswers HB User
Unhappy husband has NO desire whatsoever

My husband (33) has not had any desire to have sex/masturbate for about the last 6 months. Erections are not a problem, he just doesn't ever feel the "urge" to have sex. There is no other woman. His doctor did think he might be depressed, but 150mg of Zoloft/day has made no difference whatsoever. We have also tried herbal supplements (maca, horny goat weed) with little result. We have tried lingerie, etc. I have tried passiveness, aggressiveness, talking, oral stimulation, etc. I am running out of ideas, and patience!!! He does have some other medical troubles, which we are following up on, but he is not taking any medication that would cause a lack of desire. We are attending marriage counseling to try to determine if this is a mental problem, but there are no results there either(the counselor did suggest trying to have sex at least once a week, but it just isn't happening, or when it finally does, it is over in less than a minute) I am a nurse, and I am conflicted between helping him with his medical problems and feeling rejected. I am in my 20's, and am by no means an ugly woman. We used to have a terrific sex life, adventurous and satisfying, and now it is practically non-existent. I am reluctant to start relations, as my self-esteem has sustained a serious blow over the last few months, but I do still try. He also says that he sometimes has the urge to urinate when he has an erection and that it is "uncomfortable" to have sex...but this happens only once in a while. Prostate exam was normal, we are going to see a urologist this month. Any suggestions to save my marriage?

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Old 09-16-2003, 01:38 PM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 200
zak HB User

Zoloft can kill desire as do most anti-depressants. He needs to get tesosterone checked along with thyroid and blood glucose. Really a complete work-up.

Old 09-16-2003, 05:15 PM   #3
Jamie Silent
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Phila******a, PA, U.S.A
Posts: 79
Jamie Silent HB User

I'm 21, and I have the same problem as your husband.

Antidepressants will not work.
Hormone replacement therapy will not work.
Herbal solutions will not work. Especially horny goat weed. That stuff is the epitome of snake oil.

Tell me if you find something that does.

Old 09-17-2003, 06:15 AM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC, USA
Posts: 330
Gine2D HB User

Originally posted by Jamie Silent:
[.Hormone replacement therapy will not work..[/B]
Did you go to an endocrinologist & have your male/female hormones tested & actuall try testosterone?

GP doctors usually know almost nothing about hormones. If you have any hair on your body they say you are ok.

Testosterone is the main sex drive hormone in both men & women.

Some guys have too much female hormone & not enough male hormone naturally. I have this problem & have to use a prescription testosterone gel.

Good luck,


Old 09-18-2003, 09:12 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Delhi, NY, USA
Posts: 32
wifelookingforanswers HB User

Normal testosterone levels in men are apparently 200-800. My husband's level was 220, but he is a VERY big guy (6'6" and 270#). I will ask them to check his level again--hopefully the doc will decide that something needs to be done. I think my hubby feels like a guinea pig, and I feel like I'm pushing him to try what they suggest--but if I didn't, he would not do anything about it. He is just kind of indifferent.

Old 09-24-2003, 10:18 AM   #6
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Location: Brooklyn,NY,USA
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KingFootie HB User

I'm not a doctor so please take my advice with a grain of salt. It maybe possible that diet has something to do with it, maybe he's not eating the right foods. I know from personal experience that if I don't eat right for a period of time, it will have an impact on my sex drive, which is usually very high.

Sometimes, I resort to taking a multi-vitamin (Centrum) each day until I feel more energetic. In my personal experience, "Centrum" has had a favorable effect on my penis as well.

Finally, a lack of sleep can also have an impact on a mans sex drive. Again, I'm no doctor but I'm talking from my own experience.

Hope this helps.

Old 09-24-2003, 09:01 PM   #7
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orion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB User

Originally posted by wifelookingforanswers:
My husband's level was 220 He is just kind of indifferent.
No interest in sex, and apathy are two standard symptoms of low testosterone. It's obvious that 220 is way too low given the symptoms and you need to find a more intelligent doctor. Which is darn hard to do because most of them are more concerned about their paycheck than patients.

Old 09-24-2003, 09:02 PM   #8
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orion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB User

Originally posted by Jamie Silent:
Hormone replacement therapy will not work.
Hey Jamie, aren't your testosterone shots working? How much are you taking? The standard treatment is 100mg per week.

Old 09-25-2003, 08:56 AM   #9
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Petersburg, FL, USA
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MikeZ HB User

220 testosterone is right at the borderline low. I believe the low range is considered 230. I was in the same boat. My level was at 220 and my internist put me on testosterone replacment therapy (TRT). I'm using gel, but there are patches, shots, implated pellets, etc. Many doctors go the route of antidepressants instead of dealing with the source issue of low testosterone. If your doctor does not see this as an issue, you need to consult with an internist, an endocronoligst, or even a uriologist (?spl on all). His well being, his libido, and his attitude will improve significantly with TRT. His is TOO LOW!

Old 09-25-2003, 12:24 PM   #10
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 340
Darkfur HB User

My testosterone level was 375 back in 1996 - "on the low side of the normal range" - right before they removed my undescended right testicle. Two months later it dropped to 213. On my 30th birthday this summer, my level was only at 242.

I never even knew there was a problem. On an unrelated doctor's visit this summer, I complained about the slight breast development I had and asked if my lost testicle was to blame. In the end, he had my blood tested again, became aware of my depression, and perhaps for other reasons he has kept to himself, started me on TRT.

I am not sure if I even need this. I always could get erections, and did have the urge to masturbate. But, I do feel often depressed and I don't enjoy doing many of the things I used to. Life itself has become a chore. I was bitter and irritable. The doctor was surprised to learn I felt so bad about myself that I do not date and am still a virgin.

Except for the virgin part, does this sound anything like your husband? The reason my T level dropped was obvious. I do not know why your husband's level has fallen. 220 is low. That "normal" range the lab quotes you probably includes guys from 18 to 80 years old! Your man is still young and should want sex as often as other guys his age. It's too early to tell, but I think the testosterone shots are making me a bit hornier. Good!

Have your husband's testicles have gotten smaller this past year? It might be a sign that they've cut back on their testosterone production. Could that Zoloft be to blame for loss of desire and the erection-urination feeling he gets? Just throwing ideas out here - I'm not qualified either.

Wish you the best in working this out!

Old 09-27-2003, 11:05 AM   #11
Join Date: May 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 366

High blood pressure?
Too much Zoloft?

Old 09-30-2003, 07:49 AM   #12
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Location: Asheville NC USA
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movingparts1 HB User

Have you looked into his diet? I remember a time when I was eating TONS of pure junk. I had no desire at all. After I changed my diet from heavy amimal protien to a extra mederate vegitarian diet I saw lots of improvement. Avoid refined sugars (white sugar, Corn syurp etc...) and food preservatives.

Old 09-30-2003, 12:35 PM   #13
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Rixtar HB User

Testosterone and Depression

There have been several studies published on the role of testosterone in men suffering from clinical depression.

In summary men who were on medications for clinical depression were switched to testosterone instead of their previous presecribed meds. The turn-around in the men in the study was remarkable. After reading seveal of the studies and talking with my physician with a complete hormone test I swiiched meds to testosterone 1ML per week 200mg/ml. This was almost two years ago and my life changed completely.

In the case of the disinterested really sounds like multiple issues including hormone levels. I would say also that obesity is an issue as it affects the entire body and could be the source of all his issues including the depression. You are what you eat still applies and there is no substitute for proper nutrition.

I would advise this man to go a doctor that will prescribe the testosterone and try it. You'll know right away.

The only other issue I could think of that may be the cause of all of the the health issues is sexual orientation. Depression can lead to obesity and a person with orientation issues could be suffering in silence.

Old 09-30-2003, 07:18 PM   #14
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 1
BigJohnson HB User

Regarding low libido - your husbands "bigness" could be contributing to the problem. Body fat is testostrone antagonist too. How is his hair? My first clue to my testostrone problem was when my barber asked me if I had been giving myself a haircut. I already had very thick hair but he noticed there was new growth coming in around the edges. A brief experiment with Zoloft ended when I started androgel. I intially tried patches but my numbers were not coming up. Androgel creme did the trick and I now have the T-level of a 25 year-old, even though I am twice that. Unfortunately now my wife took off I can't say what it did for my sex life. good luck

Old 10-01-2003, 11:53 AM   #15
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Nashville, TN USA
Posts: 2
kirbycw33 HB User

I am having my testosteron level checked as we speak, because I am curious what's my level. I don't have any problem having sex it's certain positions that makes my penis flaccid. My wife has diabetes and she lost the interest in sex and it like to drove me crazy. I became bitter and were about to start have affairs, but we had a very long conversation and things are better. The suggestion I have is talk and tell your husband that you need him.

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