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Old 02-27-2010, 08:53 AM   #1
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Erection problems

Hi,

I'm a 19 year old male and I'm in my first serious and first sexual relationship with a 19 year old girl. We'd been really good friends for a while and over a month and a half ago, our relationship moved to a much greater and loving level.
Suffice it to say, I am and have been deeply in love with this girl for quite some time and she feels the same way about me.

The only problem in relationship, sadly, is sexual, and it's me.
We started sexual activity after about two weeks through hand and oral stimulation. However, I had a problem in that I could get erect no problem, but I couldn't orgasm through her giving me stimulation, hand or oral, even though it felt really good. I've had no problems whatsoever with masturbation, ever. So I was really worried by this and started to think, even after just the first time, "what if this is a long term problem?", that I've become too acustomed to my own method of stimulation and can get off any other way.

Regardless, after a few days this problem was basically solved, we both really wished to get over it and work it out, we were both perfectly comfortable about talking about it as well. So we kind of figured ourselves that if I masturbated by myself until I got within the "zone" of orgasm, then she took over, it might work. So we did this, and it did work, and since then, she has practically been able to get me off all by herself.

She knew/knows that I'm a virgin, she has had intercourse before, and I became slightly depressed about this for a while, just thinking about her being with other guys like tha. But since I have been able to get over it.

We decided a while ago, that since this week, my parents would be out of the house for a few days, that we'd make love for the first time. I originally wanted to do it without condoms because I just thought our first time together should be completely natural. But after some thinking, I did buy some condoms before we went to my house, just in case. (FYI we're both infection free, and she's on the pill, and yes we both know how there's still a chance of pregnancy no matter what)

Anyway, each time we are close to, or are about to have intercourse, I lose my erection, we've only tried about 3/4 times, mostly after her stimulating me with her hands. With a condom, by the time we stop doing stuff and try putting it on, I'm already losing it. Without one, by the time we get in position and my penis is just outside her vagina, it's going soft. One time however, I was really erect sitting on top of her from behind and rubbing against, talking really sensually about how we could have sex, so we flipped her over, and she was able to put me inside, but then after trying to thrust, I slipped out again and started to go soft after about 10 seconds of penetration.

We don't know what to do really, we've been trying to work out a plan or method, but both became really frustrated since we each thought this first time would be so perfect (we had quite a build up to it, talking about it quite a lot).
As I have said, this is my first time with anyone, and I'm not quite sure if it's just my nerves or some sort of erectile dysfunction. I feel completely comfortable with her, but now I just worry that it will happen again, which just increases the chances I guess. She feels that there's something wrong with her or what she's doing, and it's been difficult for me to convince her otherwise with the truth, that she is entirely perfect and it's me that's the problem. It's almost heartbreaking that we can't do it that simply, or as simply as anyone else at least. It's really depressing for both of us, and although we want to get over this, we can't help but think sometimes, what if we can't, what if it isn't possible?

I guess at times I do find it hard or at least challenging to get an erection altogether when I'm with her and we're thinking of having sex or had previously thought about it. And sometimes my penis is just long, but not hard. I'm so confused about this, can anyone tell me what is wrong or what the best solution is? We want to beat this.

And just out of interest, Is it normal for a guy to lose an erection when he is giving oral to a girl? Because sometimes, I'd be giving her head and she'd want me to come back up and make love, but I know that since I've been down there, despite enjoying myself, I don't have or have lost an erection almost entirely.



In case you wish to know of social/dietary habits; I have a rather normal life although I have always been a rather shy person prefering to hold tight knit groups of friends close to me rather than loads of people. I like to think romantically about lovemaking, I don't care about "having sex with as many women as possible" or just for my own pleasure or anything, I strongly beleive in sharing collective and mutual feelings and experiences.
I'm average build and have an average fitness level. My diet is quite balanced I think. I take vitamin B, multivitamin and codliver oil tablets some days.
I would drink alcohol at most once a week, and not too much. I smoke cannabis once or twice every two weeks as well.

Thank you in advance, anyone who can provide any help or advice to me and my girlfriend, I really appreciate it.

Last edited by clarkgable; 02-27-2010 at 09:01 AM. Reason: some grammatical errors

 
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:55 AM   #2
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Re: Erection problems

Sorry to hear about your problem(s). Sounds like you are very frustrated, and rightfully so. Some of this may be mental, but IMHO, I think the majority of it is physical.

A couple of questions if you don't mind, and then I'll give you my overall opinion.
  • Do you get regular early AM erections? If so, how often?
  • How often do you masturbate and for how long each session?
  • Do you take any prescription medications?
  • You mention you smoke pot 1-2 x week...Do you ever do it more often and if so, how often?
  • When you were attempting these sessions, and had difficulties, had you drank alcohol and / or smoked pot immediately prior?

We'll get you some help, so hang in there.

Regards,

Ex

 
Old 02-27-2010, 11:31 AM   #3
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clarkgable HB User
Re: Erection problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by Executor View Post
Sorry to hear about your problem(s). Sounds like you are very frustrated, and rightfully so. Some of this may be mental, but IMHO, I think the majority of it is physical.

A couple of questions if you don't mind, and then I'll give you my overall opinion.
  • Do you get regular early AM erections? If so, how often?
  • How often do you masturbate and for how long each session?
  • Do you take any prescription medications?
  • You mention you smoke pot 1-2 x week...Do you ever do it more often and if so, how often?
  • When you were attempting these sessions, and had difficulties, had you drank alcohol and / or smoked pot immediately prior?

We'll get you some help, so hang in there.

Regards,

Ex

[i] I get a full morning erection everyday, including lying in bed by myself/with her, and sitting down to eat breakfast sometimes.
[ii] Currently I don't masturbate that often, I'm with my girlfriend most of the time, so once or twice a week for the past couple of months, and I could go from about 3 minutes up to maybe 45-60 minutes depending on how long I want it to last. If you're asking how long have sessions lasted currently; usually within the 10-15 minute mark, since I've been tending not to use porn recently and focus more on my girlfriend when masturbating.
[iii] I'm not on any prescription meds
[iv] I was in Peru recently and my sister and I were smoking weed perhaps once a day for about two weeks, that's the most I've ever smoked to be honest. I'd only ever want to smoke that much in a holiday situation like we were in. Other than that, I seldom smoke more than 1 joint in the space of 1/2 weeks and the joints would be 75-80% tobacco (although I don't smoke cigarettes just to let you know).
[v] No, my partner and I have never been intoxicated whilst engaging in any form of sexual activity (although I do achieve erections whilst holding/kissing her even whilst under the influence of alcohol).
To perhaps further your knowledge on my interactions with recreational drugs, I have masturbated under the influence of both alcohol and cannabis (separately) and found it much more difficult to orgasm under alcohol, whereas cannabis simply changed the sensations slightly.

Thank you so much for your reply, I look forward to hearing from you again.
Thanks.

Last edited by clarkgable; 02-27-2010 at 11:34 AM.

 
Old 03-01-2010, 10:17 PM   #4
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Re: Erection problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
I get a full morning erection everyday, including lying in bed by myself/with her, and sitting down to eat breakfast sometimes.
That's good news. Regular AM erections likely indicate that your Testosterone is in the normal range for your age. Conversely, the absence of such is a big red flag.



Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
Currently I don't masturbate that often, I'm with my girlfriend most of the time, so once or twice a week for the past couple of months, and I could go from about 3 minutes up to maybe 45-60 minutes depending on how long I want it to last. If you're asking how long have sessions lasted currently; usually within the 10-15 minute mark, since I've been tending not to use porn recently and focus more on my girlfriend when masturbating.
Specifically, I was wondering if maybe you masturbated fairly near to when you attempted intercourse, or a lot in general. Both could cause issues. Some men have longer refractory periods than others. Simply put, you might try "saving" up for her and see what happens. A couple of days should be plenty.



Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
I'm not on any prescription meds
That's good. Many Rx meds can physically affect a man's ability to not only have an erection, but also orgasm. Meds like high blood pressure, anxiety meds, pain meds, and many others can have profound effects.


Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
I was in Peru recently and my sister and I were smoking weed perhaps once a day for about two weeks, that's the most I've ever smoked to be honest. I'd only ever want to smoke that much in a holiday situation like we were in. Other than that, I seldom smoke more than 1 joint in the space of 1/2 weeks and the joints would be 75-80% tobacco (although I don't smoke cigarettes just to let you know).
Like the meds I mentioned, alcohol and drugs can have a substantial effect. Over the long run, both depress the pit gland, which tells your testes to make Testosterone. Most people who take a lot of recreational drugs, or take pain meds, have low T. Alcohol can have the same effect, but usually much less so than narcotics.

In the short run, both alcohol and drugs are a "depressant" and can often prevent erections and/or orgasm. Simply put, the more you do, the worse it gets. In fact, many men with premature ejaculation issues will drink alcohol before sex as a way to delay orgasm. Some will also masturbate prior in order to slow things down as well.



Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
No, my partner and I have never been intoxicated whilst engaging in any form of sexual activity (although I do achieve erections whilst holding/kissing her even whilst under the influence of alcohol).
That's rules out the possible interaction with alcohol.


Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
To perhaps further your knowledge on my interactions with recreational drugs, I have masturbated under the influence of both alcohol and cannabis (separately) and found it much more difficult to orgasm under alcohol, whereas cannabis simply changed the sensations slightly.
This reinforces my earlier points.


In summary, I'm not exactly sure what your problem may be....I asked the questions to see if there was any definitive physical link. Likely, it's a combination of both physical and mental issues. Certainly, you're probably putting a lot of stress on yourself, which may be compounding the problem. Stress and anxiety can cause contraction of the blood vessels, which may restrict blood flow all over your body. You also have some possible symptoms of ED.

If it were me, I'd go to my Doc and tell him your issues and see if he'll do a blood test to measure your T. You want your results compared against other men your age, not all men. This is critically important. Here is a good thread that discusses many of the issues of low T:

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=723983&page=2

While you are at the Doc's office, I would request a sample of either Cialis or Viagra. Cialis is the best because it works for 36 hours, or almost all weekend. There are also less reported side effects. None of them are major, but Viagra tends to give facial flushing. Cialis is truly a wonder drug...Works in as little as 30 minutes and will give you a very hard erection. The best part is that it will totally take your mind off of the issue at hand, and thus, you can concentrate on your partner. Trust me....It will be a big relief to you.

Once you get some confidence and get over this hurdle, then you probably will be able to slowly cut back the Cialis. The med comes in 10 & 20mg. Both are the same price, so get the 20mg and cut it in half....You'll get twice as much. Insurance usually will pay for about 5-7 pills per month, then you'll have to pay "cash" for the rest or about $20 per pill. While that sounds expensive, it's nothing if it solves your issue. Your Doc probably has samples that won't cost you a dime....This will allow you to see if it works before getting a script. Please trust me when I way that you are not alone in this area....Many men need a bit of assistance. If you have low T, then that would help explain practically all of your issue.

If you elect to do a test for low T, I can help you with that if and when you come to that bridge. I can also help you interpret the test results & etc.

Best of luck to you.

Regards,

Ex

 
Old 03-03-2010, 04:59 PM   #5
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Re: Erection problems

Thanks once again for your help.
You should probably know that I have recently been told elsewhere by a non-professional that they believe my problem to be mostly anxiety related. I believe this to an extent and to re-establish some facts;
===I can get off fine when I'm with my partner by hand, she hasn't gone 'all the way' orally with me yet so to speak, so I'm not sure what an orgasm is like when that's going on.
===Anyway, whenever it comes down to the thought of intercourse now, I really want to, as does she, but I just get a real rush of worry now since that problem has occurred before, it's pretty depressing for me and that sends me soft before we've even considered moving to an intercourse position, we still haven't tried again since last time.
You should know though that I don't suffer long term depression from this, it just gets me a bit down when I think of what I can't (or think I can't) do.

Quote:
Once you get some confidence and get over this hurdle, then you probably will be able to slowly cut back the Cialis.
I'm not really sure I want to rely on a drug to have sex, especially for the first time. It does sound like it works wonders, but aside from not wanting to rely on a prescribed drug for obvious reasons, what if the first time is really good and as I gradually wein myself off it, it's not as good? I think it would do a lot more for my confidence if I could get over this without drugs. Although I should point out that I live in the UK and I'm not sure if they even prescribe Cialus over here.

===We are planning on trying some techniques or exercises, like maybe us both masturbating and then going for penetration as I'm nearing orgasm, and gradually doing this earlier and earlier, until masturbation isn't required. It is a real shame though that our first time can't just be perfect like we both imagined it.
Anyway, our reason for this plan is because we believe that the same reason I can't have intercourse is the same reason that I previously couldn't orgasm at all with her stimulating me - I wasn't used to it.
But obviously there is greater level of anxiety associated with intercourse as well as the fact that I'm not used to it. I also feel that I've made or became desensitised in a way to the idea of sex in my head due to previous associations with masturbation and intercourse as I have seen it depicted in porn. I've been trying to stop using porn, it used to be my main source for being turned on and masturbating. But now I want to sensitise myself more to and become more accustomed to the idea of achieving sexual pleasure with and having sex with my girlfriend.

I have thought about going to the doctors, but I think I should only do this if the problem persists for a much longer period (say a month or two).

Thanks once again for your feedback, I would like to have your opinion on what I've said in this message as well if possible, but thank you very much for all help.
Many regards.

 
Old 03-03-2010, 11:27 PM   #6
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Re: Erection problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
You should probably know that I have recently been told elsewhere by a non-professional that they believe my problem to be mostly anxiety related. ......................Anyway, whenever it comes down to the thought of intercourse now, I really want to, as does she, but I just get a real rush of worry now since that problem has occurred before, it's pretty depressing for me and that sends me soft before we've even considered moving to an intercourse position, we still haven't tried again since last time.
All the more reason why IMHO, you should see a Dr. & inquire about possibly using Cialis or Viagra. Because it will work wonders, you can then relax and not have any fear or issues of worry. Then, once you learn about your body and how everything works, you could stop using it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
I'm not really sure I want to rely on a drug to have sex, especially for the first time. It does sound like it works wonders, but aside from not wanting to rely on a prescribed drug for obvious reasons, what if the first time is really good and as I gradually wein myself off it, it's not as good? I think it would do a lot more for my confidence if I could get over this without drugs. Although I should point out that I live in the UK and I'm not sure if they even prescribe Cialus over here.
To be very honest with you, I think you're over analyzing it and I don't mean to be crass when I say that. You're very worked up and worried, and rightfully so. The med is very safe and about the only side effect some minor facial flushing (in some people). Millions of people take it so you are not alone. You wouldn't even have to "ween" off it....Just don't take it once you get comfortable with everything you all are doing and you learn about your bodies.

At this point, it's become such an issue that it's overwhelming everything else and probably becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The biggest advantage of trying it would be that it would totally let you relax and enjoy the moment and your partner for what it should be. Taking a med for this is no different than taking a med when you getting sick, for high blood pressure, allergies, & etc. You are just hung up on it because it's sex. You could also try an OTC product if you wanted. Many of them work ok and may do the trick. I recommend seeing your Doc about an Rx because the scripts are so effective, that you'll know just about 100% that it will work, and then you'll be able to experience what you've been trying to do all along.

To be very candid with you, all these "experiments" & etc that you're talking about are a bit over the top and you're over thinking it all....Which puts even more pressure on the situation. I have to think that your partner is going along with it all to support you, but at some point, she may get too frustrated. Personally, I think it's time to get back to basics and do what comes naturally. See your Doc first though and get the med. You won't be disappointed. Maybe as a compromise, you could try it once and see what happens.

Hope I haven't been too forward with you....Just trying to help.

I really hope this works out for you and best of luck to you.

Regards,

Ex

 
Old 03-05-2010, 01:45 AM   #7
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Re: Erection problems

Ok, I think we're still going to try our "experiments" first, but if that doesn't work out, how would I go about getting a cialus prescription from the doctor? Keeping in mind that I live in the UK and I also know pretty much nothing about going to the doctor/arranging appointments etc since my mum has previously arranged stuff like this for me, and I haven't needed to go in quite a while. And as you can probably imagine, I don't really want to ask my mum for help on this one.

Would I just ask the doctor to prescribe it for me? Do I need to pay for such a prescription? How long would I need to take it for?

Thanks once again for your advice.

 
Old 03-05-2010, 11:29 PM   #8
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Re: Erection problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkgable View Post
Ok, I think we're still going to try our "experiments" first, but if that doesn't work out, how would I go about getting a cialus prescription from the doctor? Keeping in mind that I live in the UK and I also know pretty much nothing about going to the doctor/arranging appointments etc since my mum has previously arranged stuff like this for me, and I haven't needed to go in quite a while. And as you can probably imagine, I don't really want to ask my mum for help on this one.

Would I just ask the doctor to prescribe it for me? Do I need to pay for such a prescription? How long would I need to take it for?

Thanks once again for your advice.

You would just call up a local Dr and ask for an appointment. Don't you have a regular family Doc or a Doc you see? If not, then it's time you get one. You will probably need one at some point anyway....when you get sick & etc.

When you go to the appointment, just be honest and tell the Doc your issue and that you'd like a script for Cialis or Viagra. I'd be shocked if he doesn't give it to you.

The Doc may even have some samples, which would be free. You might ask him. If not, then he'll write you a prescription, which you would need to pay for at the local pharmacy.

Both Viagra and Cialis comes in pill form....Read back what I said about the two different sizes and cutting them in half. It works in as little as 30 minutes and lasts up to 36 hours. So, if you were planning something for a Friday night for example, I'd take it with or after dinner. But, really, you could take it any time you want....Just needs 30 minutes to work before attempting sex.

Best of luck to you.

Regards,

Ex

Last edited by Executor; 03-05-2010 at 11:34 PM.

 
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