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Old 10-18-2010, 09:59 AM   #1
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Angry General feeling of shame after masturbation...

I'm twenty three, and I thought I'd be over this kind of thing by now, but here goes:

Every time I become sexually aroused, I stop acting like myself, I become extroverted and act like a big poof. I don't necessarily have to be aroused, but it's usually during a period where I've gone without masturbating for at least a day. But then, after I'm done masturbating, I suddenly feel a heavy weight of shame and guilt, knowing that my sexual arousal has lead to me to act like an idiot. I'm also heavily sexually confused and have never had sex with anyone in my life, letalone any sort of sexual experience short of sexual activity.

What's wrong with me?
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Old 10-18-2010, 06:54 PM   #2
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

"I hear the beat of a different drummer."
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I hear the beat of a different drummer

Last edited by Fles; 10-30-2010 at 05:32 AM.

 
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:17 AM   #3
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fles View Post
Hey Spudsy

It's not unusual to feel guilt after masturbating. Of course, that probably doesn't help you very much but I think it's good for you to know you are not alone. You need to explain in more detail why you think your sexual arousal has led you "... to act like an idiot". Sexual arousal often leads to a sexual act and you are intelligent enough to know that there is nothing wrong with being sexual, provided you don't do anything illegal or hurtful to others.

When you say you're "heavily sexually confused", do you mean you don't know whether you're homosexual or is there more to it than that?

"What's wrong with me?", you ask. Your post here prompted me to read your posts on another HealthBoard. From those posts, I could make a list of what's right about you. Anyone who can quote from Ulysses deserves respect . I don't think there is anything wrong with you; it's the circumstances you are in which are wrong.

My best wishes.
When I say "heavily sexually confused" I am talking about a confusion between hetero and homosexuality, however it seems to be in the reverse: I seem to be a solid homosexual with heterosexual urges and fantasies. As far as acting like an idiot goes, I do silly things, like act all flirtatious or, yesterday, for a Halloween party, I dressed up in drag. Later on, I felt like a complete moron (post masturbation). A lot of the time I wish there was a way that I could suppress and purge myself of all sexuality, so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:35 AM   #4
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

"I hear the beat of a different drummer."
__________________
I hear the beat of a different drummer

Last edited by Fles; 10-30-2010 at 05:32 AM.

 
Old 10-19-2010, 05:45 AM   #5
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fles View Post
Spudsy, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing "silly" things. A frivolous act a few hours ago is later thought to be moronic? Maybe you should try to be a little less introspective.

Purge yourself of your sexuality? Sexuality is part of who you are. You can't rip it out. There is nothing either good nor bad but thinking makes it so (Hamlet).
I guess I know there's nothing 'wrong' with doing 'silly' things, however I still feel like an idiot afterward. It's like I got really, really drunk and did and said some stupid stuff and then after going to bed and waking up I say to myself "What the hell was I talking about?" Followed by a few hours of guilt and shame.

As far as purging myself of sexuality, I've looked into several different things. There's an organization called "NARTH" who specializes in 'reparitive therapy,' which is a so-called 'cure' for unwanted homosexual feelings, which is what I deal with, but it doesn't go so far as something like meditation, which offers serenity, though I've never found it. The thought has crossed my mind of saving my pennies and getting surgery to have my sex organs removed, so that I might experience the 'eunuch calm' I've read about on various websites.
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:53 PM   #6
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

"I hear the beat of a different drummer."
__________________
I hear the beat of a different drummer

Last edited by Fles; 10-30-2010 at 05:33 AM.

 
Old 10-19-2010, 05:10 PM   #7
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fles View Post
Spudsy, do you have a religious objection to being homosexual?
No, none at all. I'm a liberal Quaker, and personally I don't care if people are homosexual, and am all for it, but I deal with unwanted homosexual attractions. I can't change who I am, and I hate what I am for it.
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
James Joyce, Ulysses

Last edited by Spudsy; 10-19-2010 at 05:12 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2010, 05:24 PM   #8
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

"I hear the beat of a different drummer."
__________________
I hear the beat of a different drummer

Last edited by Fles; 10-30-2010 at 05:33 AM.

 
Old 10-19-2010, 05:26 PM   #9
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

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Originally Posted by Fles View Post
Thanks for your answer. You are correct that you can't change who you are -- I certainly wouldn't want to -- but you can change the hate you feel towards yourself. I could use ideas based on logic, reason, humanity, philosophy, science and many other areas to argue with you but, in the end, I could never convince you to stop hating yourself. You alone can convince yourself that you are wrong. I sincerely hope you do change your mind. Please.
I don't want to be homosexual, just as I don't want to be heterosexual. Sexuality does nothing but cause me shame, and I seek to destroy that shame by any means necessary, even if that means the removal of my sex organs and the rebuilding of them through a ureathroplasty and a phalloplasty, I'm willing to go through it, just to purge myself of all sexuality. Why should I embrace something that brings me pain?
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:34 PM   #10
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

"I hear the beat of a different drummer."
__________________
I hear the beat of a different drummer

Last edited by Fles; 10-30-2010 at 05:33 AM.

 
Old 10-19-2010, 05:38 PM   #11
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Re: General feeling of shame after masturbation...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fles View Post
Why? Because you are wrong. Get rid of the shame and the pain will disappear.
I feel the only way to do that, to get rid of the shame, is to rid myself of sexuality completely.

I've been living with this burden since I was 14 years old. Personally, I wonder if accepting myself is what I really need. The whole of sexuality, both **** and hetero sickens me, and I only masturbate out of habit, and after every time I do I feel sick, shamed, guilty and pained. Why am I wrong to want to get rid of something that if I could, I would toss out into the garbage like a broken plastic fork, or a snotty tissue?
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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