It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - Men Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-04-2001, 01:38 PM   #1
pjr pjr is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: uk
Posts: 11
pjr HB User
Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Ok - here goes.
I've live with my girlfriend for 5 years now, and we recently got married.

Her parents are great, but got divorced 15 years ago. I get on really wee with her mom, but me and her dad just don't click really (difficult to hold a natural conversation)

Anyway.... My dilemma (spelling?)

Her dad got a new PC recently, and knows very little about them. I set it up for him, and got him connected to the internet. His other daughter once went on the PC after him, and said she saw a gay web site pop up when she was typing an address in the search window.

Now I know I shouldn't have done this, but I had a snoop in his temporary internet files one night when we stopped there, and found lierally hundreds and hundreds of gay web site material. (and worryingly no female porn to be seen)

I have always had my suspicians about him, as he seems to do feminine things etc (maybe why I don't connect with him)

Should I tell my wife what I found, approach him, or just keep quiet ??

 
Old 09-04-2001, 01:58 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Minneapolis, MN USA
Posts: 167
wearesiamese HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Hi. I'm sure that was a pretty startling discovery. However, I don't think there is any reason to talk to anyone about it, including him. His sexual orientation is his business only. If he is gay, he will share that with his family when or if he chooses. Otherwise, it really shouldn't matter one way or the other, since it is his private life and has nothing to do with him being a father.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-04-2001, 02:55 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,640
Lance2 HB UserLance2 HB UserLance2 HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

I suspect that you'd better keep that little secret to yourself! The fact that his other daughter saw the one site is bad enough. Your getting involved could create quite the family mess! You might drop some hints to him about how to "clean up" after surfing the net in a non-threatening or accusing manner....just out of "assisting" him in learning how to use the PC.

 
Old 09-04-2001, 02:57 PM   #4
sdp sdp is offline
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 451
sdp HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

I'd just keep quiet. It's none of your business what he does in his private life. He's divorced and not cheating on his wife and family so he's really not doing any harm to anyone. Don't stir the pot!

 
Old 09-04-2001, 03:56 PM   #5
Inactive
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 782
focus HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

I agree. No good could possibly come from you telling anyone in the family about what you found. Don't bring it up at all - its just your little secret. It may not mean much anyway - it could just be his fantasy life (i.e. if he doesn't do any gay acts, he's technically not gay).

 
Old 09-05-2001, 12:01 AM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 32
Shiny Bedroom Eyes HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Yes, i agree Keep quite about it, for example if my dad had found all the sites i used to go to he might think i was a huge lesbian. Its not always so black and white- i know the easiest thing to think is that when guys look at other naked guys it means they are gay- but infact it could just be human curiousity- like personally i would rather look at naked women then men, but i am by no means bi or a lesbian i like guys very much- by looking at naked females i think of it more as celebrating the naked womens body and what we can do with our bodies how getting off ourselves is the first step to getting of men. Even finding the comparisons of my body to the pictures is a turn on for me. This is just a total shot in the dark, but perhaps if you looked further into the pictures you may find alot of them resemble his shape and size? i dunno maybe he is gay but really i would be god damn ****** off if anyone snooped through my files and exposed and of the things i look up or look at on the internet

 
Old 09-05-2001, 04:35 AM   #7
pjr pjr is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: uk
Posts: 11
pjr HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Thanks for the replies !

I did actually delete all the files when I found them, to prevent anyone else seeing them, but letting him know how to cover his tracks is a little difficult (i.e. if I try to show him where the files are stored, there will probably be another 500 cookies and pics etc from gay sites, and he will then know that I already know his secret !)

He had actually deleted his ISP before I arrived in an effort to prevent the 'auto fill in' problems he was getting in his browser, but of course he didn't know that internet explorer is saving files in other places for offline browsing.

There is no easy answer to this, and I deeply regret finding out his browsing habbits(I know it was my fault, but curiosity got the better of me)

I agree he may not be gay, but my mother-in-law confronted him when they split 15 years ago, and asked if he was gay (she told me this one night when she was drunk after I asked if they still get on with each other)

It is so difficult knowing such a secret, especially as the person involved doesn't even know that I know about it <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif">

I will just have to blank it from my mind, but I can't stop worrying about it <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif">

 
Old 09-05-2001, 06:30 AM   #8
Inactive
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 782
focus HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pjr:
<B>
I did actually delete all the files when I found them, to prevent anyone else seeing them, but letting him know how to cover his tracks is a little difficult (i.e. if I try to show him where the files are stored, there will probably be another 500 cookies and pics etc from gay sites, and he will then know that I already know his secret !)
</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Don't even go there! I mean don't even try to show him how to cover his tracks. Like you said, that will imply to him that you discovered the sites he went to. Just leave it alone. If he doesn't know how to cover his tracks, let him find out the hard way when someone else spots those sites. At least it won't be you who busted him! That way your marriage will be intact.

 
Old 09-05-2001, 06:37 AM   #9
pjr pjr is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: uk
Posts: 11
pjr HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Focus - thanks for the reply - think you hit the nail on the head there.

I feel a lot better now just getting this problem off my chest !

 
Old 09-05-2001, 08:34 PM   #10
Newbie
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: IN, USA
Posts: 4
Rocky9945 HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

Hey pjr, I have to agree with what the others have said. Believe it or not I could tell you a very similar story that has happened to me.

An idea? Every once in awhile show him how to clean up some hard drive space by clearing history and temp Net files? Just tell him it opens up the HD space? I do this with my Grandfather, he doesn't go to these type of sites but you know what I mean. After awhile he figured it out on his own and does about everyday now. LOL His puter has a really small HD so it made sense to show him this. Just an Idea! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 09-06-2001, 10:25 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: CT USA
Posts: 77
Smile4uhun HB User
Re: Do I Just Keep Quiet ??

I agree with everyone here...I wouldn't say anything, besides, not to take his side, but sometimes when your fiddling around on the internet you click on something and the next thing you know your in some porno website...ICK, but it has happened to me. I also heard that sometimes these sites will put up celebrity names or words...you click on them and the next thing you know your in porno land...

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Just Getting Started Guardian1 Hepatitis 109 05-22-2010 11:26 AM
tell me how you get to the point to just accept this awful pain!!!! excowgirl Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) 22 05-08-2009 02:30 AM
Am I just too sensitive? mannie8 Relationship Health 9 09-24-2007 10:13 AM
Living with BP - Always keep 1/4 of a tank. lyndylou2005 Bipolar Disorder 5 03-25-2007 01:58 PM
i've only just got it and i'm a bit scared.... perfectlybroken Herpes 26 09-20-2006 10:33 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Fles (14), mc7 (10), wachix (7), Bob652 (7), tommy124 (6), Vanilla Kiss (6), Mod-S4 (5), Just Tell Me (5), aowshea (5), ladybud (4)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1177), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (753), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:45 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!