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Old 08-04-2001, 02:14 PM   #1
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littlebit HB User
Ex-boyfriends

i have an ex-boyfriend who has called me at least once a year in the middle of the night (for the last 10 years). when he calls me he tells me he misses me and wants to see. i had a boyfriend so i never did meet up with him nor did i take his phone number (we did talk about a lot of other stuff too and my boyfriend didn't mind me talking to him). the last time he called he told me that he's comfortable with me and i'm the one for him i had broken up with my boyfriend a while before the last phone call so i took his number (it was a voice mail number). i have called him and we were going to meet up. his work schedule got changed so he called and left a voice mail that he couldn't make it (he lives in another state)and wanted me to return his call. i did and have not heard from him since? what do you think his problem is? he knows a lot of women so its not like its a bootie call. why do guys always say they are comfortable with you? what exactly does that mean to a man? why didn't my boyfriend at the time care that i was talking to him?

one more thing .... why is it that when you meet men now they ask for your address instead of your phone number? i've had that a couple of times lately and think its weird. i'm sure they had phones too.<p>[This message has been edited by littlebit (edited 08-04-2001).]

 
Old 08-05-2001, 06:25 PM   #2
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Give you "my" answers for your questions.

1."what do you think his problem is? " Who knows what the whole story really is. It's possible he just wanted you back, in the mean time he found someone else. No way anyone can answer this question except him.

2."why do guys always say they are comfortable with you? " All guys? I've said this twice in my life, and I meant it. I suppose other guys are just using this as a tool to get wahat they want. Does this sound like him?

3. "what exactly does that mean to a man? " To me it means I feel comfortable being with the lady, talking to her and telling her things I wouldn't normally tell some other people. Or that I trust them. Have no idea what it means to anyone else.

4. "why didn't my boyfriend at the time care that i was talking to him?" You said yourself you broke up with him but didn't say why. I would care if my s/o was talking with an old ex of hers.

5."why is it that when you meet men now they ask for your address instead of your phone number?" Once again this is something I wouldn't do. If you feel so uncomfortable giving your address, don't. If the guy is worth keeping he'll accept the phone number don't you think? My guess is they are wanting to know where you live right now. All kinds of reasons they may be wanting this information. Do you really want someone you don't know yet to have this?

 
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Old 08-06-2001, 05:38 PM   #3
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Hello Rocky9945. Thanks so much for the reply.

1."what do you think his problem is? " Who knows what the whole story really is. It's possible he just wanted you back, in the mean time he found someone else. No way anyone can answer this question except him.

I'm not sure what he wants and he has always had a girlfriend all these years (actually 2). One he wanted me to meet. I think he wanted to compare us.

2."why do guys always say they are comfortable with you? " All guys? I've said this twice in my life, and I meant it. I suppose other guys are just using this as a tool to get wahat they want. Does this sound like him?


I haven't been in many relationships but i've heard it more than a couple of times..... He could get much better than me (little miss self esteem). If he couldn't get what he wanted he could buy it. I have always admired him i hope he's not a jerk that will use it as a tool to get what he wants. I do have a feeling he is a jerk though.

3. "what exactly does that mean to a man? " To me it means I feel comfortable being with the lady, talking to her and telling her things I wouldn't normally tell some other people. Or that I trust them. Have no idea what it means to anyone else.

i guess i could take it as a compliment. sometimes i think its like being a old piece of furniture you can come back too when you can't find anything better. people do find it easy to tell me things that i would never tell anyone. i however don't have anybody to talk to so i posted this. i also feel pretty stupid about this whole thing. i don't understand men. growing up without a father and a mother who wouldn't talk about the opposite sex hasn't helped me at all.

4. "why didn't my boyfriend at the time care that i was talking to him?" You said yourself you broke up with him but didn't say why. I would care if my s/o was talking with an old ex of hers.

I broke it off with him. I realized that if he didn't care who i talked to or spent my time with he really didn't care. There were certain things about my health that bothered me (that could of been serious) that he didn't even seem to care enough about to ask me about (he knew this was a big problem himself). We also never did anything together. I did the banking, bill paying, laundry, housework, cooking, grocery shopping, taking out the trash and he did nothing to help (we didn't have yard work we rented). He was not getting any more responsible and this scared me. I didn't want my life to be like this forever. I would rather be alone.

5."why is it that when you meet men now they ask for your address instead of your phone number?" Once again this is something I wouldn't do. If you feel so uncomfortable giving your address, don't. If the guy is worth keeping he'll accept the phone number don't you think? My guess is they are wanting to know where you live right now. All kinds of reasons they may be wanting this information. Do you really want someone you don't know yet to have this?

I haven't given my address out and i wouldn't give it out. I don't like people knowing where i live.

Thanks for replying again and have a good evening. <p>[This message has been edited by littlebit (edited 08-06-2001).]

 
Old 08-06-2001, 08:07 PM   #4
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

"I'm not sure what he wants and he has always had a girlfriend all these years (actually 2). One he wanted me to meet. I think he wanted to compare us."

Ouch, I hope not. If he's wanting to compare you two side by side, I'd run away from this guy. I think comparing people happens all of the time, in their minds. To actually bring the two together and compare them is terrible. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif">

"I haven't been in many relationships but i've heard it more than a couple of times..... &lt;sniped&gt;"

Like I said before this may be a tool he is using to get your attention. Some guys use the 3 magic words "I Love You" as a tool also. You have to remember some guys will say what ever it takes to get what they want. It's up to you to decide if he's be truthful or not.

"i guess i could take it as a compliment. sometimes i think its like being a old piece of.....&lt;sniped&gt;"

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> If we all understood each other this would be a pretty boring world. The neat thing about all of this is no two humans are alike. No two guys are alike. I can tell you what certain things mean to me. But not every guy in here or out there will agree or think the same way. But what is common among alot of men is they are after certain things when it comes to dating or being with women. Some guys will do whatever it takes, say what ever they have to, to get what they want. It's sad but true.

"I broke it off with him. I realized that if he didn't care who i talked to or spent my time with he really didn't care. &lt;sniped&gt;"

Sounds like a good idea to me. Is it possible he was only after one thing? And even though he didn't really have to do anything he still got it? If so it proves the point I made earlier, he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and in this case nothing more.

"I haven't given my address out and i wouldn't give it out. I don't like people knowing where i live."

Really glad to hear this. If a guy won't accept your phone number, he's not worth dealing with.

Good luck, and have a great night yourself. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-20-2001, 05:32 AM   #5
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littlebit HB User
Re: Ex-boyfriends

Good morning rocky9945,

he called again yesterday in the daytime but i missed his call. I don't understand him and don't know what to say to him. Don't know if i should even call him back. He makes me think too much but i like talking to him.

 
Old 08-20-2001, 12:43 PM   #6
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Hi littlebit,

It's really all up to you. If you're willing to talk to him, go ahead and call him back. Maybe you'll understand him a little better if you talk to him more. Maybe play detective, ask question that make him think. Then you try to figure out what is going on.

You say you like talking to him. Do you know why? Is it because he makes you think? Something else?

But when it comes down to calling him back, it's all up to you. You have to decide what you what to happen and if you want him in your life still. And how much. If you feel he's playing games, I wouldn't call. There are alot of guys out there that won't treat you like this. Trick is finding the right ones. (I know easier said than done.) But they are out there. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

Let us know how it turns out. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-20-2001, 07:29 PM   #7
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> Thanks ROCKY9945.

I enjoy talking to him cause he does make me think. I really want to thank you for responding too. i can't really think tonight to write more but i appreciate you responding. I can't get advice from my mother (can't ever talk to her about anything that bothers me) and i have no friends. <p>[This message has been edited by littlebit (edited 08-20-2001).]

 
Old 08-21-2001, 12:35 PM   #8
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Can't say you have "no friends", you do have friends in here. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif">

You like to talk to him because he makes you think. That's a good reason to talk to to him I admit. My best friends in the whole world are the ones that make me think. But because he's an old b/f don't let him talk you into something you don't want. Really think about anything he suggests. Make sure you do what you want to do.

And when you have more questions, fire away. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-21-2001, 07:13 PM   #9
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> thanks again ROCKY9945.

you know back when i met him he brought a lot of sunshine into my life. i think the reason i love talking to him is because i never got over him and he truly does make me think (he also motivates me like no one else has). he always made me feel good when i was around him. he was like having self confidence in my back pocket. i could talk to him for a long time. i grew up in the ghetto and we had nothing and he was from the other side of the tracks with a load of confidence and today right where he said he would be. i just admire that. i never felt i was good enough for him and i don't have that confidence. i don't think men like women without confidence it's one of the things i am trying to change about myself. this has been a year of big change. only thing left to change is location and job. i hate winter. i want to be where it is warm so i can bike and walk all year round. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> you guys have been like friends here because everyone else around me has let me down lately (part of why i am changing). sorry, i know this is way off the subject, but i am feeling <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> this week and i have soooo much stuff going on in my head i can't think straight. thanks for listening sir and have a good evening.<p>[This message has been edited by littlebit (edited 08-21-2001).]

 
Old 08-22-2001, 01:01 PM   #10
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Just keep doing what makes you happy littlebit. Because you're so confused this week is a good sign you're really thinking about what is going on and what you want and don't want. Someday it's all going to fall into place, but you always will have to keep working at it.

Good luck and have a great day!

 
Old 08-22-2001, 06:11 PM   #11
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> ROCKY9945.

i am pretty confused. i just want to get in my wrangler and ride away. i wish i could talk to my mother but she has never been able to give me advice because i've had to take care of her since i was a child (role reversal). i hope i figure things out.
anyway thanks sooooo much for listening and replying.
have a wonderful evening. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-22-2001, 10:32 PM   #12
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

Sure wish I or we could help you some more. I'm guessing you've probably talked about your mother in some other boards in here. Caregivers perhaps?? If you haven't been there maybe you should try that board too. I'm sure the folks in there might be able to help you when it comes to what you've had to do with your mother all of these years. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

Not having anyone to talk to or that your close enough to is tough. I know. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> I mean everyone needs to talk about life sometimes. I hope you find someone like that soon. Be nice if your old boyfriend could be that person. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-24-2001, 08:28 PM   #13
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> Good Evening ROCKY9945,

THANKS SO MUCH for all your help. I am feeling better than i was but its the weekend again and even though i keep very busy it gives me too much time to think.

My mother isn't sick she just can't read or doesn't take care of herself or things right. She also had a drinking problem. Its kind of weird to explain. I'm not sure what board i should be on for this.

the ex-boyfriend .... i don't know what to do but thanks for listening to me once again. it really has helped. Have a good one! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 08-25-2001, 03:12 PM   #14
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Re: Ex-boyfriends

I know the caregivers board doesn't have much traffic Littlebit but you could post some questions and ask for advice. Or just blow off some steam. Give it a shot. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
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