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Old 09-06-2001, 03:52 PM   #1
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nokiddin HB User
husband with no sex drive-HELP

For you men out there- My husband hardly ever wants to have sex. We've been married for 6 yrs, avg 2-3 x/s per month. He has always been this way, but is getting worse, so I know he's not having an affair. He works long hours. I'm starting to get frustrated!

He thinks I spend too much time thinking about it. I've tried asking if he wants to, he says he's tired. I've tried just trying to touch him and get him excited, doesn't work, he just rolls over and doesn't let me touch him.

What do I do? Any ideas are appreciated.

 
Old 09-06-2001, 03:59 PM   #2
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wearesiamese HB User
Re: husband with no sex drive-HELP

A while back I had a very similar situation. It turned out that my husband's testosterone levels were out of whack. He gets a supplemental shot once a month, and that took care of the problem. This may not be the case with your husband, but it wouldn't hurt to look into it.

 
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Old 09-06-2001, 05:00 PM   #3
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Re: husband with no sex drive-HELP

I'm a happily married guy, is it possible your husband is depressed about something, most likely work, you said he works long hours. I started to hate my job (and I was there 20 years) it just got borring and it effected my home life, I got a new job, something I like - kind of a second career.
AND we are more in love now than when we married, 28 years ago!
Try talking, maybe a short weekend away - just the 2 of you, anything to get the communications open again!
Good luck, keep us up-dated

 
Old 09-08-2001, 04:44 AM   #4
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Re: husband with no sex drive-HELP

Is he on any medication for high blood pressure or depression, both of which can effect libido. Also, job stress and such can create some issues in this area. I think the other suggestions of communication and a romantic weekend away are great!

 
Old 09-08-2001, 09:35 AM   #5
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orion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB User
Re: husband with no sex drive-HELP

You didn't say how old your husband was, but I will assume 35. He obviously has a low sex drive and it is getting lower. He is using work to cover up what he already knows is a problem, but he doesn't know what to do about it. All that stuff about you being over sexed or thinking about it too much is just his way of trying to blame you and protect himself. He is very scared right now and hiding out at work.

Is there something wrong with him, its a good bet there is. It could be depression, it could be low testosterone, it could be a serious disease like diabetes, or even as serious as a brain tumor.

What to do? That is a tough one. He has spent so much time hiding from this problem that he will be hard to reach without some significant trying. But you have to try, because what ever is wrong with him is destroying him and you, and you can't let that happen.

So, instead of talking, write him a letter. Tell him how much you love him, how much he means to you and how you are worried about him. Ask him to please go with you to the doctor to have some simple tests to alleviate your fears about his health. Ask him to go for you if not for him. Have the doctor do blood tests for at least thyroid, testosterone, and sugar. Write down what you want to tell the doctor and include all his symptoms, fatigue, low libido, weight gain, what ever.

He will probably say no to the doctor. But you must insist and make the appointment for him. Then go yourself if he won't and talk to the doctor and get some more help.

Oh yeah, I know, because that was me you are talking about.

 
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