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Old 11-23-2001, 11:49 PM   #1
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El Barto HB User
Problems orgasming during sex...still

I posted a while back about having problems orgasming during sex. I'm still having that problem, months later. I've masturbated for 4 years (almost daily) prior to ever having sex, mostly while watching porn, and mostly while sitting in a chair. I found that while laying down, it was harder to maintain a good erection and it didn't feel as good. Sex with my girlfriend always ends up with her giving me a handjob until i'm through...while that is all fine and dandy, i don't want it to always be like that. someday im gonna have to orgasm from sex. it feels *really* good, sometimes it almost feels like i am going to, but i don't. it's like i have to have a certain feeling to do so. when i would get a handjob, my legs play a huge role in everything. i always have to tighten em in a way...keep em really straight and almost push em into the best. if i just let loose, i don't feel much. is this normal? i also suffer from some form of depression (not sure what, but i had ODD as a kid, and i think i may have some form of manic depression), and i know this plays a role in sex. what can i do? my girlfriend used to take effexor but that killed her libido. i dont wanna take any drugs with sideeffects like that. sometimes i just prefer masturbation cause it's me doing all the work and it's so much easier. dont get me wrong, i love what my girlfriend does to me (and what i do to her), but it just seems like so much work for the both of us. if anyone can offer up any advice, i'd really appreciate it. i just hope my sexual future isnt destroyed from years of masturbation to porn.

 
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Old 11-24-2001, 10:18 AM   #2
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whitewolf95 HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

Well you cant expect much if you arent willing to look into help for the depression...not all drugs will have sexual side effects. Why not look into getting checked out for the the depression???
Have you worked on changing the way you masturbate?? OR stop masturbting to see if that will help???
It truly would be a great idea for you to seek professional help.

 
Old 11-24-2001, 03:27 PM   #3
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the_old_soldier HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

The depression could be a factor in ejaculating. You need to see a doctor. The depression medicine (SSRI's) will affect your sexual performance. As for the masterbation technique, you have to retrain yourself for learning to ejaculate. I suggest talking with your partner about learning easy-gentle techniques. Have your partner use alot of lube (k-y). There was a book ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm which had various techniques.

 
Old 11-24-2001, 06:37 PM   #4
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El Barto HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

does depression really affect my sexual performance that much? i mean, the way i see it, either i have this problem, or i take medications that will affect my sexual performance, so either way i'm screwed. I've somewhat changed the way I've masturbated, and I've tried very hard not to...I don't do it as often. Sometimes I've gone a week without any sexual activity, then had sex and still had the problem. It's really difficult not to masturbate...I'm 18 and you know how hormones are at this age. and my technique for masturbation allows me to go a while without ejaculating...i can get very close, stop, then start up again. i think this has affected my ability a lot during sex, causing me not to...i'm really stumped as to what i can do. my girlfriend is great at what she does to me..we use astroglide...i'm just sick of having to get a handjob in order to ejaculate. i'm not saying i enjoy it, i'm just saying i want to be able to orgasm from other things.

 
Old 11-25-2001, 09:24 PM   #5
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fiaxx HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

Ok, this may be way off base, plus I'm a girl so I'm not totally sure what you're going through, but please hear me out.

Maybe it's just the position. I know when I'm with my boyfriend it's hard to get an orgasm sometimes but I can always get one when I masturbate. And I think it has to do with position. When I'm in certain positions durign sex, it's easier to *** than others. And in some I know I won't be able to *** at all. Since you are used to the chair position, maybe you coudl start out doing other things and then end up with you sitting in the chair and her on top. And you can hold her hips and control the speed. That way you can do whatever you have to with your leg muscles and then use her instead of your hands. Do you understand what I'm saying? She would have to eb willing of course and it's a comfortable position for her (well, it is to me...) So I hope this helps. I could still probably be way of base. I don't know anything about the depression part. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> Sorry. I hope it works out for you!

 
Old 11-25-2001, 09:51 PM   #6
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El Barto HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

thanks for the advice, it's good to also hear the female perspective. my girlfriend is the same way, she can (usually) only *** in certain positions. when she's on top, she always **** (and she does not lie, heh). sometimes she **** when i'm on top. we've had sex while i sat in a chair, i think twice...but it didn't last very long and we were soon on the bed. she had an orgasm one of the times, and that was really cool. we've been in many-a positions, but none seem to work great. it tends to feel the best when i'm on top, but it still feels like i'm missing that "certain something" that puts me over the top. also, with my girlfriend, she says that usually if she can't *** within the first 5 minutes, she won't *** at all. that may be the case for me...i usually feel spasms very similar but very far from an orgasm within the first few minutes of me entering her.

 
Old 11-26-2001, 03:45 AM   #7
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Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

Sounds as if your buddy is well trained to respond to only one form of stiumlation. You'll need to work on this alot to get it to work in other situations. Sorry, that's all I can see that the problem is. And seriously, take some steps about that depression. Not all meds have the same effects and you'll feel so much better!

 
Old 11-26-2001, 03:23 PM   #8
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Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

First I gotta ask you what makes you think you're depressed. What symptoms do you have? Are you sleeping all the time or less than usual? Are you eating more or less than usual? Are you withdrawn and not enjoying things you used to love to do? Have you gained or lost a lot of weight recently? Do you feel worthless, hopeless or suicidal? Are you using or abusing drugs or alcohol? Those are questions you gotta answer before you start thinking of needing antidepressant drugs in the 1st place. To tell you the truth, lots of teenagers have symptoms of depression that go along with the hormonal changes of puberty. It's the duration of the symptoms and their severity that make them true depression.
Yeah, I'm a pharmacist. I've seen many folks with depression. Also, if you do need drug therapy, there are several drugs out there with good sexual side effect profiles. Wellbutrin is one of them. Your doctor will know all of them.
As for the sexual situation, I think you've let yourself get accustomed to only getting orgasms in one way. A good way to work at this would be to cut back on jacking off for a few (4-5)days and see if sex makes you orgasm then. I know it sounds easier than it is, I'm a chronic masturbator too. Just try that and let us know how it works out.

 
Old 11-26-2001, 03:25 PM   #9
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Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

Sorry , I just saw that you answered one of my questions later in the thread(about stopping masturbation). later...

 
Old 11-26-2001, 07:52 PM   #10
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El Barto HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

i definitely suffer from depression...i was suicidal when i was in about 4th grade (messed up, eh?) and saw a counselor. i've taken many of the "are you depressed?" tests and they all show i am depressed. i'm very familiar with teens thinking they're depressed, but they're not...and that's definitely not the case with me. i don't know what form i suffer from. i'm no longer suicidal, i'm just pretty worn out...i sleep a lot and wake up exhausted, very little enthusiasm to do much, random feelings of hopelessness, etc. at certain points it got so bad that i just cried and couldn't move...but those haven't happened in a while.

 
Old 12-06-2001, 06:58 AM   #11
 
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echelon HB User
Re: Problems orgasming during sex...still

hey man, just want to say that I had similar problems when i first started having sex but it's got much better now.

Basically the first thing you've got to realise is the problem is in yr head, your body's become used to recieving a certain type of pleasure in a certain type of position and now nothing feels as good. don't worry, you can change that! Try going for a week witout any sexual activity, then masturbate lying down. Use lube so that it feels more like you're having sex (hand cream or baby oil does it for me) after a hot bath or something so you're more sensitive, try thinking of your girlfriend or watch porn if you have to (no need to feel guilty, lots of guys do it even when they have partners!). make this a regular thing

Finally Make sure you're really horny when you next have sex. I mean reeeally horny, don't masturbate for as long as possible. Now if you're using condoms think about going to the pill or getting injections, i used to find it almost impossible to *** with a condom on. Oh and doggy position is the position i find it easiest to *** in, cos it's the tightest. you might actually be secretly scared of ******* inside your girlfriend (it is a weird feeling at first) and you've got to break down that barrier, as a last resort you could try fantasising during sex

 
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