My boyfriend has difficulty maintaining his erection. He seems to do o.k. while foreplay is going on but as soon as it reaches the other level where intercourse might happen he goes limp. It is very frustrating for me because I want to have sex with my boyfriend which is why I need someones help. I have tried to convince him to see a doctor but I know he won't. He's only 25 and I am assuming it isn't a common problem for guys in their 20's. I think it might be some sort of mental block, or maybe his foreskin is too tight when it gets pulled back...we've talked extensively about it but we need a third party's advice. Thanks for any info you might have.
It could be so many things. It's probably psychological and I am sure it is bugging him 10x more than you. The problem of course is the embarassment factor. But, you have to insist and go to the doctor, make the appointment for him and go with him. I suggest you write the problem down on a piece of paper and hand it to the doctor when you go in. That makes it easier to deal with. You don't have to say what is wrong, the doctor will already know.
I would suggest a physical that includes a blood test for testosterone, thyroid, and sugar. If these are all normal, then a trial of viagra will fix things great. You can get the 100mg pills and cut them into 4 parts. I bet the 25mg will make him last forever! He will love it, and so will you. If the problem is psychological, after a while he won't need the pills at all. If the problem remains, better keep an eye out for something else.
I suppose it is bothering him more. He is a virgin also and that might be the problem. He also talks about performance anxiety, which I've read on the web is a common problem for maintaining erections. I keep telling him not to worry about it but I guess theres nothing I can really say to ease his mind. I think he needs more time.
I think you've got it figured out! It may be difficult to belive, but for some of us that first time is so nerve racking and frightening that we simply can't perform. I suspect that he's pressuring himself so much to "get it right", last all night, please you and lose his virginity etc that he's just unable to get going. And what is worse....once this happens the pressure only increases and that just makes the penis that much more stubborn. "Time" may not be what he needs as much as encouragement and talking about how great his body is, how much you love the foreplay and such as that. Also you might try to masturbate him, even to orgasm. That may help him loosen up a bit. And you might even try to get him to visit with us here on the board....it may help him to talk with other guys who have been there and done this, all of a sudden you discover you're not alone and nothing is wrong and that we do overcome such unfortunate things. One more hint, don't make this a big deal and talking about it or fretting over it is only going to make it worse. The worst thing that can happen to a guy is have the equipment not work when it's time, all sorts of crazy stuff starts happening in our head and that just creates another set of stress and difficulties! Good luck and let us know how things are going!
Thanks so much for your advice. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
I now know that it is anxiety and whenever it happens it just makes it worse for him. I frequently masterbate him until orgasm, that isn't the problem at all. But he doesn't seem to take the initiative to sort the problem out and that really bothers me. I had to get him to search on the web to find info with me, and it seems to always be me that is trying to figure this whole thing out, when really theres not much I can do.
I am really glad that there are guys like you that can relate. Are there any books out there that you might recommend we read? I have a feeling my BF thinks the problem will just go away eventually and I am very doubtful of that.
Thanks again !
Hey maybe it's not so bad. If I wouldn't have really loved my hubby I probly would have laughed and left. The first two time was just like that. I didn't say a thing I just huged him tight, I knew he was feeling bad about the whole thing too. The next time it was the same too. After a while he was just fine. I guess he was just nerveus or something. Yes, It was upsetting to me but I never said anything cause I didn't want to hurt his feeling. It might be his nerves or maybe he does need to see a doctor. Lots of Luck <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif">
Sounds like you and he have had or tried sex many times so I don't think its going to fix itself now. One thing you can try is masturbating him and then you go on top and lower yourself onto him. That way he doesn't have to use his muscles to move around and possibly lose the erection.
But, I still think if he checks out physically at the doctors, some viagra might just help him get over his mental block. Viagra really works very well.
I think I may have the same problem as he does. I do great if im on my back for a bit but once we get going its hard to keep it up. If i am standing or on top its almost an instant thing where my erection goes away. Im kind of woried about what could be the problem. Havent yet got to the docs about it. Any advise????
I am only 30 and have problems as well. My wife finally got me to go see a Urologist. After a penile doppler (xray) I was diagnosed with leaky veins. The blood was going out of my penis faster than it was going in. He gave me Viagra and it works fine now.