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Old 03-15-2011, 02:56 PM   #1
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wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

My wife thinks that it's disgusting if I mastubate to computer porn. Personally, we are getting older and she does not enjoy sex as much anymore because of pain and vaginal dryness. Hence, I often find myself handling things on my own with the help of my computer, usually once a day but occassionally twice or even three times in a day. Is that really so wrong? If we cannot get together and I happen to have a very strong sex drive, isn't it better to relieve the pressure in front of a computer rather than going out and cheating on a spouse. It's easy and it's harmless. How can I resolve this issue with my wife?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-16-2011 at 05:43 PM. Reason: Question edited to not sound like a survey.

 
Old 03-15-2011, 03:33 PM   #2
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

My husband does it; I have no problem with it.
He still wants to have an orgasm once a day. I don't feel like having sex quite that often. I'm grateful he's found another outlet.

That said, looking at computer porn should be the electronic equivalent of looking at a porn magazine (which husbands have always done, and wives have typically tolerated).
It should not involve interacting sexually with live people (ie chat, or whatever).
That would be cheating!

 
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:41 PM   #3
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Kali,

I agree and it does not involve chatrooms, just movies and, as you said, it's no different than looking at a magazine like men and women did prior to computers. I like your answer.

 
Old 03-15-2011, 03:41 PM   #4
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Hi, i have just read your dillema, and too be honest it made me a little angry, but anyway i will just suggest a few things instead, you mentioned that you and your wife are getting a little older so wife is slowing down a bit due too age , maybe menapause etc, why not try and help her instead of using porn on your own, if as you said she suffers from vaginal dryness etc, why not make things easier for her by using something like KY Jelly or even vaseline too help her relax, just because she is getting a little older in her body doesnt mean her mind isnt craving for the sex she enjoyed when she was younger... she just needs a bit more help too get there, so why is it all about you, ??? Why not suggest watching a little soft porn together?? You never know she might enjoy it too , im not saying you watching porn alone is wrong, but ... as you see it as a * quick fix * ... theres a danger you will get used too this and forget your wife has needs too even if they are slowing down, yes i agree its better than running off and having an affair as such, but dont forget her feelings too eh !

 
Old 03-15-2011, 04:55 PM   #5
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Older Mummy, I am sorry if I offended you but there are other reasons why my wife has less interest now and it's not always just that easy to fix. Firstly, I am now retired whereas she is not so she's often too tired. She gets up every morning at 4:15 so she can go to the gym before work. She also helps out a lot with her ailing 88 yr old mother and, yes, I help as much as possible but she wants to be involved. Her mother also forgets and speaks Polish which I do not understand so it's difficult. Regardless, I often offer to give her a back rub which only serves to heighten my arousal whereas it just makes her ready for sleep so I don't see what's wrong with doing what I do. It's not like I do it in front of her and, believe me, I would much, much rather be doing it with her. I might also recall every mother's warning, "If you don't stop that, you'll go blind" and every young man's response, "Can't I just do it until I need glasses?" Regardless, play on words here, I don't see me stopping any time soon. Sorry if you don't see it that way.

Last edited by sqaman; 03-15-2011 at 04:57 PM.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 07:56 AM   #6
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by sqaman View Post
Regardless, play on words here, I don't see me stopping any time soon. Sorry if you don't see it that way.
So why are you asking what other women think of it? It only matters what your wife thinks and you say you won't be stopping.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 08:38 AM   #7
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

you could take care of yourself without the porn.....just use your imagination

 
Old 03-16-2011, 10:27 AM   #8
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Even if you get a hundred women to say it's great, it still isn't going to change how your wife feels about it. She's the one who matters, right?

You say you're retired -- how about finding some meaningful activities, such as volunteering, hobbies, or sports? Or join your wife at the gym? Do you and your wife go out on "dates" or fun activities together? If you need Internet porn three times a day, it sounds like you have too much idle time on your hands (so to speak).

 
Old 03-16-2011, 10:53 AM   #9
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Lily,

You're right, I do have too much time on my hands. To set the record straight, it's usually once a day but, on occassion, it can be more and, truth be told, boredom is probably part of it. I am active in gardening activities, setup man for garden club meetings, on the board of directors and active in community plantings and local garden tours. Also have my own large gardens. Must admit that, with my wife still working, we don't get out as much as we used to and I'm not really into the gym scene at this point. That said, I do still have a strong sex drive. I am still easily and regularly aroused so there has to be an outlet for that sexual energy which leaves me at where to turn if my wife is too tied. If that means masturbation and I need more visual stimulation to get me there, how can that be wrong. Mind you, I do care about my wife's feelings and that's partly why I'm interested in knowing how other women feel. I was hoping to show her that there are some women who think that's it's okay. Is it a jealousy issue and I don't mean to be cavalier here but is there that "why do you need to look at another woman" issue? Believe me, I would rather look at her, she stills looks great thanks to her gym routine and the way she takes care of herself but I need that relief one way or another.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 10:55 AM   #10
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

to me it's not so much a jealousy issue, as it is a respect issue.....
your wife feels disrespected, and I don't blame her

 
Old 03-16-2011, 02:37 PM   #11
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily2005 View Post
Even if you get a hundred women to say it's great, it still isn't going to change how your wife feels about it. She's the one who matters, right?

You say you're retired -- how about finding some meaningful activities, such as volunteering, hobbies, or sports? Or join your wife at the gym? Do you and your wife go out on "dates" or fun activities together? If you need Internet porn three times a day, it sounds like you have too much idle time on your hands (so to speak).
You know, I'd be really offended (and a little bewildered) if someone told me to find some meaningful hobby or sport, as a substitute for masturbating.
There's nothing wrong with masturbation, even among married people. Sometimes one partner simply has a higher sex drive than the other.
I don't see how anyone could reasonably object to a monogamous husband masturbating.
The real question is, is it okay for a husband to look at internet porn?
If not, why not?
Are magazines really any different? Or better?
Men are very visual. Most of them need to look at something to get themselves aroused enough to have an orgasm.

That's my two cents, anyway.

edit:

PS... 3 times a day does seem like rather a lot, though. I must've missed the part where he said 3 times a day. I was thinking it was an occasional thing.
That almost seems like it might be consuming quite a bit of his leisure time. If I were his wife, I might have a problem with the sheer amount of time he spent engaged in this private activity, from which I was excluded.

But it's his business, his life.

Last edited by Kali333; 03-16-2011 at 02:40 PM.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 02:59 PM   #12
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Kali, I did say that I usually do once a day but occassionally, very occassionally it has happened twice or even three times in a twenty four hour period. That aside, thanks for your comments. I do have a stronger sex drive than my wife and I sometimes need to take matters in hand so to speak.
Honestly, I did expect to hear responses from both sides of the equation but, as you said, the final choice is mine alone. Thanks again.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 05:25 PM   #13
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

If she's your age, she's nearly sixty and no doubt post-menopausal.
She is "kind of asexual", just as we'll be after menopause, since her body no longer produces female hormones.
I'm not saying no older women enjoy sex; I'm sure some do.
But please tell me that when I reach retirement age, I'll get some sort of a reprieve from being expected to have sex on a daily or even weekly basis.
Twenty years from now, I certainly don't want my husband chasing me around the house trying to "finger" me.
Good lord, before I'll let that happen, I'll build him his own private booth around his computer desk to masturbate in, while I carry on with my everyday life around him.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-20-2011 at 08:45 AM.

 
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Old 03-16-2011, 05:51 PM   #14
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Re: wife doesn't like me masturbating to computer porn

Kali, I guess that I really have heard both sides now, thanks for being so candid. Personally, I do think that men and women are wired differently. It's often said that women need love to have sex whereas men need sex to have love. Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't love my wife anymore if we didn't have sex regularly but for me anyway, l do need something, be it intercourse or masturbation, fairly often. I hope to be able to get aroused until the day that I die and I would really love to go out in a blaze of glory if you get my drift. There are a lot of men who cannot get aroused at 57 and, since I still can, I want to take advantage of it. I am hoping that, when my wife retires, we can find the time to rekindle things but, I must admit, waiting isn't easy.

Last edited by sqaman; 03-17-2011 at 05:37 PM.

 
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