AHHH!! I'm having technical difficulties with sex - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

leaper · 10-22-2002, 12:08 PM

Hello! I need some serious help. I'm 25 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now and we just now started having sex (2 weeks ago). We were the 1st for both. I had planned on waiting for marriage but settled on waiting until I met the girl that I would marry... which I did! We have a great relationship!

Heres the problem .... since we started having sex, there have been a few times when I couldn't rise to the occassion. 1st time it happened my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of her and what she was going thru with the pain & discomfort. Knowing this made it difficult for me to get into it. Then when I couldn't perform... I freaked about that PLUS with her being in pain from us having sex before. So now I had 2 things on my mind. Well --- Good News is we have had sex several times since this happened (6 times to be exact) with no difficulty. Then it happened again this week (2 nights ago) We had sex that morning, but when we tried to have it that night --- nothing! I think that its always in the back of my mind that there is the possibility of me being unable to get hard, and with those thoughts in my head, that prevents me from getting hard when I need to.

Before we had sex we were always into the heavy making out stuff, and I would be able to maintain an errection for a long time. I even masturbated on a daily basis with no problems! Now that I have had sex, it seems like things have changed a bit. I have cut out masturbation since we started having sex... didn't think I needed to do it anymore.

I'm not getting any pressure from my girlfriend and she has been great about this. When we are intimate I enjoy it and I feel relaxed, so why am I not able to get it up? She tells me not worry about it, but how can I not!

Is there anything wrong with me? Is this normal? Serious feedback only please!

Gibra · 10-22-2002, 02:11 PM

Just relax! Sex is very complex mentally. If it weren't, we all wouldn't enjoy it as much as we do. If you were able to do it successfully, you're OK. But moods change, your libido varies - different days, different times of each day. That's whats great about having a "lover" instead of just a "sex partner." With a lover, the two of you can have fun even when one of you doesn't feel like having sex!

Kiltee · 10-23-2002, 03:24 AM

Had the same problem myself with my first girlfriend, and it was made doubly worse by losing my stiffy whenever I stopped to put on a condom. Can still sometimes get that softening feeling a lot when I have to put on a johnny (hate the blasted things) but found a way to get past the other things.

Firstly, I stopped thinking about having sex with my girlfriend unless it was actually happening. When I was thinking about it, I realised I was thinking more about what could (and had already) gone wrong, than how good it could also be, and how much I liked her. So when I was at work, or if I was masturbating, I would deliberately put her out of my mind so that I had no huge expectations (either of her or of myself) when we actually saw each other again.

Secondly, I focussed on what it was about her that drove me crazy when we were together. For my first girlfriend, it was definitely the way she gave head. So I explained to her that I sometimes got a bit nervous about wanting to give her as much pleasure as possible, and that that kind of pressure could play havoc with a man's mind. I also explained that nothing was more likely to get me hard, and keep me hard, than a bit of oral action just before the good stuff. And believe it or not, she understood completely. And man, did it improve our sex life!

Hope that helps somewhat...

Hadom79 · 10-27-2002, 02:40 PM

Relax, sex is an expression, so express yourself. Let your heart lead you not your mind. Your heart will guide your eyes, your lips, your hands, and your soul in expressing to your girl, your love of her