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Old 06-07-2012, 06:45 PM   #1
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Question Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answers.

It was around February of 2010. But around this time was the fatal night I had lost my mind due to anal play and holding my breath for too long whilst doing so.

I had been smoking marijuana a little more than 2 years and I was begging to lose the affect it gave me. I realized as long as I was proactive with my body and mind I would perform well in school.

I came home after partying with some friends, a small party nothing big, 4 people. I had the strangest urge to masturbate and putt something up my butt whilst doing it, this is what the problem was and the only way for it to go away was to do it. Or else it wouldn't leave my mind. (I've fixed this problem these days I'm off the pot.)

I admit I was still curious to find out if I would ever like anal...but I never did, never...so why I was still curious doesn't make much sense to me. I know once in a blue moon I would get the thought telling me to try it out in my youth. To this day I think its wrong and I don't like it. I think it's wrong because I got a negative affect from it, but I'm not sure if I'm right or not, please read on.

I remember it all. I came home wanted to sleep but knew I had to brush my teeth so I went into the bathroom and then the thought became clearer it said "!I'm warning you don't do it!". I had NO idea what the thought meant but my body knew what to do before my mind did and it my mind soon added up to the thought I heard, kind of yelling at me, urgently warning me.

I thought I'd do it anyway considering past times when nothing bad ever came from it except the shame of it all. I took the shaver I had, a small sized throw away and did it and when I did it for a small amount of time I held my breath and felt sedated...the same hold of breath I would do whilst smoking marijuana...but this was the first time I held my breath and I only did it instinctively because I smoked the weed like that, holding it in.

So I did just this and then it happened.......CRACK, FWAMP, PLUFFT...all very fast a large CRACK happened inside of me, the back of my neck to be exact the entire neck the structure was gone as if the life disintegrated and left me. The FWAMP, PLUFFT was a ball of something, to this day I don't know what, but it still remains near my rear end at the top...to put it short by holding my breath during the anal experiment I think I damaged myself. My neck and most of my body tightened up and lost its structure, it became hard to even stand...the life went right from me...I was more dead then ever, I never thought this could happen to a person. Its like being the living dead.

The next day I started hearing voices and over time it got so bad I couldn't follow along in school I couldn't concentrate, it became too much the voices were too much for me I couldn't understand what was going on in school. I was always an A and B student...I got F's and C's my last semester in High School. No one was happy.

I lost my nearly perfect life and that was supposed to be the best year of my life. I couldn't think past the barrier of the voices therefore I went insane, I couldn't understand, I was lost, I couldn't even casually conversation my mood was terrible.

SO my question is this...

1. What was that crack I heard and felt in the back of my neck when I held my breath during anal play?

2. What was that ball of something that popped out of inside me and resides as a bump near my rear end twords the top? Should I get that removed or will it one day find it's place back into my body? What is it made of, bone, puss what is it what should I do about it?...It's in the way.

3. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

4. Do I have a special case?

The damage:
I lost the life in me, my knee caps always cracked, my kidneys felt tight, my stomach lost its tight pristine structure (its more deflated) and my testicles don't hang low anymore they are stuck to me more and sometimes go inside my body during ejaculation.

I started to hear voices. I couldn't concentrate in school, I lost so much and its been 3 years and I'm finally doing at the age of 20 what I should have been doing at 18. I lost so much time.

What I've done:
I went to many doctors and psychiatrists and none of them ever told me of cures for my weakness. I've learned by myself a cure for everything is to be what your mind likes to be and be proactive in that field, whatever it may be. Simply put talk out the bad and once you are more pure the good finds its way out too.

Luckily these days my body has and still is slowly regaining its strong form. I hear less and less voices to. These days I almost never hear voices... when I do I try to be proactive and they go away. My thoughts add up now and I can once again make sense of things. But it irks me that I became so weak from this...

Conclusion:
Please help with any info on similar happenings and if you have any knowledge on similar cases. I want my body back!!! I worked so hard for it in High School now its in recovery from being destroyed by anal sex and holding my breath whilst doing it. I don't know if I should get fat first then work out or stay skinny how should I get my body back? Can I get the tension out of my kidneys?

Please read in full then reply. All help appreciated.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-13-2012 at 02:45 PM. Reason: TMI removed. DO NOT re-edit your post. Thanks.

 
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Old 06-12-2012, 07:11 PM   #2
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littlebigroom HB User
Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Hey I can tell you the "TMI" that you removed is actually pretty relevant. Your thought process that you destroyed your body by putting something up your but is illogical and fantastic. Likely whatever anti-psychotic medications you are on to help clear your mind caused the weight gain. I'm sorry to hear that you contracted this illness, life is ******** sometimes.

 
Old 06-12-2012, 09:20 PM   #3
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Smile Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Hi, please take this advice open mindedly, (if that's even a word lol) but what I am trying to say is please take the time to listen and consider what I have to say.

You were younger and experimenting it sounds like to me and now have matured and want to straighten things out. I'd start out with going to my primary care physician for an examination (or at least they can refer you to someone that can) and would also ask for a psych consult to work out the rest of it so that you can try to understand/remember what happened then. I think once you do all this you'll get some piece of mind and a better understanding of things since you can't tell what has happened physically at this point. (if I read your message correctly). (Please excuse my typos I've recently had shoulder surgery and it hurts to type too much.)

I know it may be hard to tell a dr. what happened but daggone that's what they are there for so make them do their job! Please let us know how you get a long (don't have to give detail) so we know you're doing alright. Good luck, a mom of a 27 yo son.

CJ

 
Old 06-13-2012, 01:52 AM   #4
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Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Hi, sorry your having such a rough time.

Having curiosities about sexual acts is perfectly normal for guys and gals in their teenage years. Experimenting with anal sex is not acting "gay" or doing something "gay" to yourself. Many heterosexual people and couples include and enjoy anal sex as part of their normal sexual activity. Lesbians and Homosexuals haven't cornered the market on anal sex, I can assure you of that.

You sound like a very confused young man with some serious Psychological issues going on. You said that you began hearing voices after the anal sex incident, but it seems like you might have been hearing or sensing voices prior to it...the warning voice you mentioned, telling you "not to do it."

Holding your breath for a few seconds and using the handle of a shaver/razor for anal sex is not going to cause all of the symptoms you've mentioned, nor will it destroy your life and create the Psychological issues that you're having. Sometimes if a person is raised in a very strict home or have parents who treat "sex" as a bad thing and never talk about it or encourage their children to ask questions about their bodies or sexuality, it can cause a person to be curious about different sexual practices. It can also cause large amounts of guilt when a person explores those practices. The combination of natural curiosity, raging teenage hormones, guilt (a feeling of doing something wrong), fear of being discovered can all come together to create a psychological or mental disorder.

I'm not sure what TMI was edited from your post, but if you're taking Psych meds, they can definitely make you gain weight and lose muscle tone, most of them do. Some psych meds affect the kidneys and many of them have sexual side effects (effecting how your testicles are now).

It sounds like you need to see a good Psychiatrist who can help you work through the emotions (fear/guilt/shame/anger/sadness) that your anal sex experience left you with. Because honestly, it most likely wasn't the act itself that's caused the problems, but more how you perceived yourself after the fact. Your emotions over what your mistakenly thinking of as something that was wrong can easily cause all of the symptoms that you've mentioned.

The popping in your neck, was probably exactly that, your neck popped...peoples necks pop all the time. The ball that is now by your rear end, that could be anything, the only way you'll know what it is, is to go the Dr. and have them look at it. Is yours a special case? It may not be routine, but I'm not sure it's special. You definitely have some Psychological issues going on here that need to be addressed.

Your Dr.'s didn't give you a cure for your weakness, because there isn't one. You didn't get a disease or disorder or general weakness from anal sex and holding your breath.

Depression and anxiety can cause fatigue and general worn down feelings, which is more inline with what you are describing. You didn't destroy your body from holding your breath while doing anal sex masturbation. Your body did not "blow up".

As for regaining your muscular body tone. If your still taking psych meds, this can be difficult. Psych meds make you gain weight and there is little that can be done to fight it. Getting fatter on purpose and then working out to lose the weight, is definitely not a good idea. If you're trying to bulk up with muscle, then go back to daily strength training and lifting free weights. You've built your body up before, you know how to do it. As for your kidneys, a person cannot feel their kidneys...if you have an infection or a stone, you can feel them spasming, because it's very painful, but I'm not sure what you mean by tension??? Once again, depending on what medications your on, some of the meds can affect your kidneys.

I seriously hope that you take the recommendations to seek Psychiatric help to heart. I'm sure you've caused yourself a great deal of stress over this. But what your assuming happened is just not probable. As for the marijuana use, that probably didn't help your perception of what happened.

These symptoms are not the result of holding your breath for a few seconds while doing anal sex masturbation. And just to reiterate...there's nothing wrong with curiosity and experimentation, it doesn't mean your gay, it's normal.

Take care,

Kat

Last edited by katlin09; 06-13-2012 at 02:03 AM. Reason: spelling

 
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foundabetterway (06-13-2012)
Old 06-13-2012, 10:00 AM   #5
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Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebigroom View Post
Hey I can tell you the "TMI" that you removed is actually pretty relevant. Your thought process that you destroyed your body by putting something up your but is illogical and fantastic. Likely whatever anti-psychotic medications you are on to help clear your mind caused the weight gain. I'm sorry to hear that you contracted this illness, life is ******** sometimes.
I removed the TMI because it's just that too much information, I'm figuring this out fine. I know what needs to be written more so now. How is the fact that my body and mind were destroyed fantastic?? Are you trying to be funny? I don't think that's funny...this was a very bad experience for me.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 12:37 PM   #6
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Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

"Fantastic" in the sense that it's not real. It's in your head. You didn't ruin your life by engaging in anal play, I think a lot of guys and girls do that kind of thing and are just fine afterwards. What is real is your mental illness. I think you might have some mental illness dude, please get that under control.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 12:41 PM   #7
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Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Also read katlin's post she is giving you some really good advice.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 08:17 PM   #8
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Re: Early in my manhood my life was destroid but was it due to anal sex? I need answe

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebigroom View Post
Also read katlin's post she is giving you some really good advice.
Sorry I don't have a good vocabulary, I just learned what fantastic meant. Yes her post is the best one thanks for your input too. I think my mental illness is going away. I've learned how to rightly and effectively control my life. But I cannot do it alone. Thanks for your help.

 
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