paulb

This is probably not too uncommon a problem, but is pretty easily sorted out. You've been pretty patient so far, so I trust you won't be in an unreasonable hurry which might lead you do do anything unwise.

Now firstly, rubbing against your girlfriend fully clothed is not going to be particularly comfortable and rewarding for anyone for the simple reason that your penis is not as it were, designed for rubbing against material. If you look at it logically, it is "designed" for stroking inside a woman's vagina when she is "wet" - which is to say, when she is (and you are also) sexually excited and producing the natural lubrication that is automatic in the circumstances.

I trust it will not have escaped your notice that when you do cuddle her and rub up against her, that you leak sticky moisture from your penis - you may have noted this to a lesser extent during masturbation.

When you masturbate, you have to somehow or other imitate the vagina to stroke your penis. Although a foreskin which doesn't retract is not quite the "normal" and desirable state of affairs, your 13 years experience of masturbation has most certainly been facilitated by the situation, as the foreskin permanently held over the glans (penis head) performs a particularly good job as an "lubricant" when you stroke.

The only difference now is that when you masturbate, you move this skin forward and back so that it is never pulled to extremes, but the rubbing whilst clothed is forcing the skin mostly back until it goes on the stretch and that is uncomfortable. Nevertheless, you are actually in a better situation than someone with no foreskin to isolate your glans from the material, or indeed, someone with a retractable foreskin, whose glans would also rub harshly against the material. In fact as far as that goes, all you need to do, is to reposition your penis when you are rubbing against your girlfriend, in order to pull the foreskin as far forward as possible in the first place, to give it plenty of rage to move.

I suspect however, that you are avoiding (formally) admitting to what you are doing when you rub against each other, and do not want to be seen to re-adjust things. If so, then that is the catch - it just isn't going to work under the circumstances, and that is nothing to do with your tight foreskin. What you really need to do - and presumably will - is to discuss the situation with her, and agree on what you each would like to do. It's going to be much easier if you agree that she can touch you(r penis), learn about it - how it behaves, what the foreskin is like, and what things cause problems - and then she can be involved in putting it into the most comfortable position - even if it is still in your pants!

Now, as to the matter that the foreskin won't come back as it should - it seems you've started the process of correcting that. You imply that it will retract when flaccid (limp) - so make a point of doing that as often as possible. Pull it back each time you pee - if it is not quite comfortable to pee while it is pulled back, then just pull it back for a bit, then pull it forward and pee, but keep trying - this will be an interim target, that you can pull it back and pee with it back.

That achieved (may be days, may be weeks, just keep at it), you can focus on pulling it back whilst erect, more and more often. Also, you can practice stretching it outward with two (little) finger-tips inside the opening (generally, whilst flaccid), pulling apart. This will be necessary to make it loose enough to easily slide back and forth whilst you are erect, which is the most desirable (down the track) for intercourse.

Two important points you must understand:

Firstly, "cleaning". You haven't needed to clean under the foreskin in 28 years, so the only reason you might need to start now, is that actually retracting it allows contamination to get in! You don't need to protect against what's hiding under the foreskin (it simply gets washed with sterile fluid when you pee, you see), but you may need to protect it against what can come from the outside! So pull it back to pee (so that it gets "aired", so that the foreskin gets exercised, and so that anything that did get lodged underneath gets flicked out again), and pull it back in the shower to wash with water, not soap. That's all.

Secondly (and you will notice this if you do what I just said in the shower), sensitivity. Your glans has been well protected for 28 years, and it's worked fine when you masturbate. Yes, it's sensitive - you want it to be. Your eyes are sensitive too, but protected nicely by eyelids. They open when you need to, and close to keep them protected. You don't go around sticking things in to irritate (unless you wear contact lenses).

So, please understand that your glans and foreskin are very similar. It comes out for sex, expecting to be placed somewhere very soft, most and slippery. If you touch it with anything else, it will not feel good - it isn't supposed to.

If you really want to play with it (or your girlfriend does) with the foreskin back, then the way to do so is with plenty of artificial lubricant. Generally you only have enough of the "natural" ones to work in your lady's vagina, so if you are doing other than intercourse, you need an artificial supply - or just continue as you have to date - use the "permanent" mechanism of your foreskin.