Sexually Frustrated Female - Premature Ejaculation - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

Mary Moe · 01-21-2003, 09:23 PM

I need a male perspective.

My boyfriend has difficulty with premature ejaculation. We have been having sex daily for 2 months now and his stamina has not gotten any better (intercourse consistently lasting for less than 1 min). He is 27 and has been in other sexual relationships. I have brought up my frustration delacately but he took it hard and it backfired - he just got embarassed.

He says I turn him on too much, he is suffering from stress from other areas of his life etc. He does not seem to want to do anything about it - basically I need to deal with it to ensure that I am satisfied and this does not become our routine. I do not want to begin avoiding sex-I typically love it and orgasm quick.

My question is - how do I bring this up again and suggest stratigies to help him with this problem without making him feel inadequate. The last thing I want to do is make him want to avoid having sex with me altogether. How would all the males out there want their girlfriend to deal with the problem (or should I mention it at all)

Thanks!

orion · 01-21-2003, 09:54 PM

PEJ is hard to treat and it can be very embarassing for some guys. The best known treatment for presistent PEJ is antidepressants possibly combined with viagra. Not that he is depressed but they have a side effect of prolonging ejaculation (sometimes to the point of not being able to).

I would find a mens magazine with an article about PEJ or print out some good material on the internet and then leave it around for him to find. Then later, after you are sure he has had time to see it, you can say I looked up some material and found that we have a very common complaint. I would really like to work together to try to find a solution. Make sure to phrase everything as if you are only worried about him and the relationship you have together. You must not mention or let him think that he has let you down or you are frustrated or he is inadequate. Any of those things will bring the big defensive wall against you. He will probably blow you off, saying everything is fine or you are making a big deal out of nothing. Your answer to that is: Yes you are probably right, but it can't hurt to try and maybe something good can come from it. Don't say something like, "you are so selfish always thinking only of yourself", which he is because he is desparately trying to make this go away and protect his male ego. Your job is to get cooperation without a minimum of ego damage.

The next step is the doctor visit. You will have to go with him. Write down the problem and how long it has been going on and give it to the doctor. It is far easier than saying this stuff in person.

The cure is trial and error so be patient and have fun. Don't make the object of sex intercourse. Let that be a nice topping. Instead just have fun playing with each other and hopefully things will work out.

nela · 01-24-2003, 06:15 AM

I had this problem with my ex boyfriend a few years ago. The only time he would last was when he had drunk a lot of alcohol! As you can imagine, this leads to a lot of other problems. I agree with the previous poster's advice, though. Good luck!

chitrick · 01-24-2003, 07:31 AM

I don't think that drugs are the answer. Of course I don't believe in taking prescribed medication for anything, sexual or otherwise.

What I see as the problem, is your boyfriend has developed a bad habit for himself. He is comfortable with what he's doing and how he's doing it. Perhaps you need to cut back on the daily lovemaking. At 27 years old, he has a lot of sexual energy. So if you are thinking that frequent sex is the answer to slowing him down...you may be mistaken. You may be just contributing to his forming this bad habit.

As for you...when you do have sex...do you encourage more foreplay before intercourse? Or are you letting him just do his "bam, slam, thank you mam" thing?

Sex is a very important part of any good relationship. And one important ingredient of a good relationship is communication, no matter what the subject matter. You can't be afraid of hurting his feelings or upsetting him. If the two of you are going to make it long-term, you have to be able to discuss any and every thing. Try it again and again. If he refuses to be receptive, then maybe he's not your ideal soulmate.

[This message has been edited by chitrick (edited 01-24-2003).]