husband's lack of drive - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

Scrambled · 04-05-2003, 02:09 PM

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[This message has been edited by Scrambled (edited 04-14-2003).]

DonnaD · 04-07-2003, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Scrambled:
Bottom line is that he just doesn't have any sex drive.

Well, there you have it. He doesn't have one now and, according to him, has never had one.

You can't *make* someone feel sexual and be interested in sex. He doesn't see it as a problem, and, more importantly, he doesn't particularly care that it bothers *you*, or he would at least see a doctor. Could he be gay?

I see these as your options:

1. Stay in a sexless marriage. Be angry and feel cheated for the rest of your life. Resent hubby and die unhappy.

2. Stay in a sexless marriage and have an affair(s). Maybe hubby has other qualities that are worth staying together for.

3. Dump hubby and find someone who has a normal, healthy interest in sex.

Only you can decide which is best. Just remember you are entitled to an active, satisfying sex life. If you don't do anything about your situation, then nothing will ever change. You'll get a quickie a couple of times/year and that's it.

You could also insist he go to counseling, or at least to the doctor, or you will leave him. See if that shakes him up a little. If he still doesn't care, I don't think you have much of a marriage anyway.

I hope things work out for you :-)

Roger100 · 04-07-2003, 03:31 PM

I agree with the last sentaece. If he does not give a .... you do not have a marriage anyway so you are only loosing a weak friendship at most.

flagirl · 04-07-2003, 11:40 PM

I am having similar problems myself. I don't feel so alone anymore. I'm 28 and my husband is 27. We have a 2 year old daughter and have been married for 4 years. Even when we were dating, he had a problem with sex. We didn't do it very often and it lasted only a minute or so. I thought that things would get better and we were in love. Here we are 4 years and a baby later and things are still the same. I am always initiating it and most of the time I get rejected. I wear the lingerie and am told I am very attractive. But his responses have me lacking self confidence. I've suggested that he go see a doctor and get himself checked out and he agreed, but he is now dragging his feet. It's too embarrassing..etc.. We maybe do it once a month, but 2 even 3 months have gone by in the past with not so much as a word. It's like he thinks that this is normal and he makes me feel like I am the selfish one. I too have thought about divorce but how would that make me look? Everything else in our marriage is great. We have good jobs and we make each other laugh. But that's not enough, right? Sometimes I feel like we are roommates instead of husband and wife. I have also thought that maybe I should find someone on the side to satisfy my needs. This sucks.

YouNeverKnow · 04-08-2003, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by flagirl:
Even when we were dating, he had a problem with sex. We didn't do it very often and it lasted only a minute or so. This sucks.

Look your husband has a physical problem. He needs to go to the doctor and have his testosterone and thyroid checked. It is very embarassing to go, so you have to go with him. Make an appointment, and if he refuses to go, then go without him and enlist the doctors help. Low libido also promotes low self esteem and so it is very hard for your husband to admit this problem. Some guys would rather die that admit a sexual problem. But you can help and he can get better. After this long it isn't going to be easy but you owe it to yourself to take action! I suggest you write the problem down and hand it to the doctor that way you don't actually have to say the problem...it can make things a lot easier.

Low testosterone is associated with early prostate cancer, heart disease, weight gain, fatigue, and irritability. Maybe that list will prompt him to at least go with you.