Wish for vasectomy... (long) - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

Anonymous102 · 04-07-2003, 12:01 AM

I'm sure this will be very different from what most people read. I'm male, 18. I've never had a female friend in-person in my life, really. Mostly because I've been home-educated all my life, and we live in a very rural area.

Let me just clear up that I'm not unattractive in any way. I'm 5'10", 140lb... I've had smiles at me from girls. But that's unimportant...

For the past couple of years, I've thought a lot about permanent sterilization. And at this point, I am incredibly dead certain that it would the right thing for me. DON'T patronize me, please. I've seen so many miserable families. My own included. I could spend an hour listing every conceivable reason why it's the right thing for me, but I don't want to waste my time on that. It's so overwhelming in my mind. I've read extensively over the years on the topic, and unless someone can say something that I've never heard before, which is probably impossible, I know that it's right for me.

It's maybe the main reason why the thought of having a girlfriend puts a pain in my heart and makes painful thoughts shoot through my mind. I've never, in practical terms, really kissed or hugged any girl in my life. I've been wishing and praying for companionship for many years... This inability to get what is very appropriate for me is one of the reasons why I feel like I'll be alone for a long time, maybe the rest of my life.

I think there's really a double standard when an 18-year-old girl can have an abortion without parental consent, but an 18+ male can't get sterilization without people saying sorry, you're too young. Sorry, come back when you've had a few kids. Both are permanent decisions. An adult female has the right to control her body, an adult male should have every unrestricted right as well. Sure, provide counsel and all the information, and all the warnings, but no 18+ male should be flat-out rejected.

If I had the chance, I would pay $500 for a vasectomy without hesitation. That's how strongly I feel. It's discouraging because of all I hear about 35-year-olds being rejected.

A Google search doesn't seem to give much hope of there being a vasectomy provider in the Saskatoon, SK area. Combine that with the fact that there are so many rejections, and I can't tell anyone I know about it, it seems very hopeless. But it's something that would really help me move on with my life.

Sorry for the long message.

{please check the email that you registered with for this name as to the reason your post was edited...replies from other posters that refer to the part that was edited out, must also be edited due to posting guidelines... thanks, bfl}

[This message has been edited by bfl (edited 04-08-2003).]

wrin · 04-07-2003, 12:05 AM

If anything, hon, your vasectomy sounds like a form of self-mutilation as punishment for yourself for not getting a girlfriend or a lover. It sounds atrociously stupid. It's risky to your body and having it just because you can't see yourself having sex with another woman sounds a little daft to me. What's the REAL reason you're having this? Are you thinking it might make you a more desirable sex partner -- "I can't impregnate you"?

Anonymous102 · 04-07-2003, 12:29 AM

(First replier: ) No, believe me, you're not even close. It has absolutely nothing to do with that. It has to do with many, many reasons. I don't want to risk ever having a family, ever. I don't want to risk getting someone pregnant (and believe me, that would be an EXTREMELY far-fetched scenario in my case) and then abandoning them through suicide as the most likely means.

I don't want to have a child and then have all the attention and love go to the child and then I'll feel cold and lonely. That's not selfish, it does happen, and many fathers hide their feelings and raise a proper family anyway, but I don't want to risk putting myself in such a situation.

I don't want to have a family and then have a child die, which can severely damage the lives of the entire family. It happened in my family.

I don't want to become the kind of person who leaves their family. My dad did this. I'm not the kind of person today who would do such a thing. But they say he had a complete personality transformation, became a completely different person. I don't know how the human mind works in such a way.

It doesn't matter if several years down the road I desire children. That's biological. Usually that goes away after the children are born. I might lose the love for the children after a while. I see it happen around me all the time.

[This message has been edited by Anonymous102 (edited 04-07-2003).]

[This message has been edited by bfl (edited 04-08-2003).]

babydoll20 · 04-07-2003, 01:09 AM

this sounds to me like a call for help.

let me get one thing straight.

abortion and a vasectomy are two different things. if a woman has an abortion, she can have children down the road if she wants to, later, when's she's ready. if a man has a vasectomy, he can't ever have kids again if he wants. granted, I think it may be reversible in some cases, but its NOT a form of birth control and should be considered a permanent thing.

this is a major decision. I think your making this one too fast. Your not even in a relationship yet and you want one. why don't you wait untill you have some experiences with relationships, and settle down with soemone before you make that decision.

you obviosly have alot of issues going on, and I certainly am not a qualified professional.

a vasectomy is not the answer. I can tell you that right now. you dont want to hear this but you have to talk to someone you know about this, or you won't get better.

[This message has been edited by bfl (edited 04-08-2003).]

Anonymous102 · 04-07-2003, 01:17 AM

Respectfully, babydoll20, I know where you're coming from, but you have no idea what you're talking about. You're not going to change my mind.