Hi, my boyfriend is 28 and he says he's always had this problem as long as he can remember. He can't get off during sex...and oral stimulation isn't effective either. The only way he will come to ejaculation is by masturbation. So, after sex I massage his sack while he strokes himself, touches my vagina, and sucks on my boobs till he climaxes. He says his penis is just not very sensitive. Also (maybe because of this), he has a pretty low sex drive. He says I have a hot body and he loves my boobs...but the sight of me getting out of the shower doesn't make him race across the room or anything *sigh*. He just continues whatever he's doing in fact. I am used to being with guys that are excited by me and enjoy sex and can get off (even too quickly). I can't help feeling very self-conscious sexually with him! I've been with him for 4 months and I still wonder what I'm doing wrong...if I need to lose 5lbs, etc. Also, I need him to make sex feel good...I am not a physically strong person and can't be in a dominant sexual position, it's too slow, unrhythmic, it's very boring in fact. So basically, pouncing on him naked and humping his brains out is out of the question. He says all I need to do is get naked and rub my breasts in his face to get him interested...however, like I said, he has a low sex drive and I don't want to do something like that at the wrong time (like when he's way too tired for that) and turn him off.
Please, any advice you can offer I need and appreciate it! Desperately looking to make a roaring sex machine out of my boyfriend! Snuffy
He's got a problem, it ain't YOU. He said he's had it as long as he can remember, so why think YOU need to look better physically, or do anything differently? He needs therapy. If he won't go, nothing will change. I'd just dump him. If you want to stick with him, resign yourself to a lifetime of "sex" just the way you have it now. He's gotta want to help himself, you know? Doesn't sound like it bothers him too much, or he'd be hear writing instead of you.
I have a similar situation with my bf. He is 25, and although he can get off during sex, he is rarely in the mood. I, also, have never been with a guy before that hasn't gotten excited to see me naked. It really was hard on my self esteem at first, but now i'm so used to it that it actually really sucks!
From the sound of your post, and what I have learned on this board, your bf's penis is probably not that sensitive because he masturbates too much/too hard. Suggestions that I have heard is for the guy to try and not masturbate for a while and see if that makes a difference. He may be stroking himself really hard, which makes anything, you and your mouth, not tight enough.
Maybe you can talk to him about that. My bf is too sentistive about his sex drive for me to talk to him about these things. If he weren't, I would tell him to give up masterbating, because on the days that he does...not sex for me.
What your boyfriend suffers from is called delayed ejaculation. There are many causes for this. I posted some causes and how to help in a previous post. The most important thing is to understand that it isn't you. He maybe too used to how he gets himself off or he may masterbate too much (losing sensitivity). It could be a medical issue and he may need to see a urologist. It also could be a mental issue; fear of losing control or getting you pregnant. These are just some of the factors that may play a role in his condition.
Just understand that it isn't you and try and make sure you communicate with him that it is ok. Help him relax because him thinking about ejaculating will make it worse.