Guys, what in the heck did he mean in his email?! - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

Annie45 · 06-15-2003, 07:07 PM

Hi guys! I'm one of those women who just can't seem to climax anymore, but I think it's possible, just not with this man. I haven't climaxed for years now...maybe it's hormonal, a result of my hysterectomy, or an age thing--just doesn't happen anymore for some reason.

I talked to him about it, he asked, and I answered his questions about what he could do to help me to possibly "get there." I told him that I needed a LOT lengthier foreplay, but he would never do it.

After we talked, I told him the truth that I've never climaxed with him (or even occasionally by myself for the past few years), and he sent me this e-mail. Here it is:

"...We made incredible love last weekend, not sure if it could be more intense. Yet, you weren't turned enough to have even a small orgasm. You mistakenly think it's about ego and maybe with most men you would be right. For me it's a measure of how much you're into me, it's when the truth comes out. You can tell me you think I'm good looking and turn you on, you can tell me I'm good in bed, but if you can't have an orgasm with me than everything you've said was a bunch of bull. You can't fake intimacy or love! So you were wrong, you didn't give yourself to me, I gave myself to you. I wasn't the one holding back."

Am I crazy--or is he?

I'm posting it here for input from a guys point of view--something maybe I just can't see. Was he was trying to hurt me because he felt misled? I found that he seems to truly think that way--if I was "into" him, I'd orgasm! I loved him, for heaven's sake--how more into a person can someone be?!

Any thoughts?

[This message has been edited by Annie45 (edited 06-16-2003).]

UH-60 · 06-16-2003, 07:26 AM

I am a guy and I think you need to find another man. He is being very unfair and immature. He has too big of an ego. A mature man would listen to your concerns and accept that you may have physical reasons for not having an orgasm. In addition, your hysterectomy may be causing this. Did you have this condition before the hysterectomy? Anyway, dump the selfish one and find one who understands. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Rixtar · 06-16-2003, 09:19 AM

Intimacy means different things to people. Most men can not imagine intimacy without sexual release. His email suggests that he has lost trust with you and he believes you to be untrue. Did you "Fake it?" If you did then you later confess the truth - that diminsishes the experience for him.

In relationships that have issues other than sex, sex is often used as a weapon to wound the other person. This is especially true for women because they know that unlike themselves many men base their identity on their sexual abilities.

You have negated the experience and in his mind you have "tricked" him into a belief, built him up and now have torn him down. His attack is in his mind purely defensive.

Aleii · 06-16-2003, 09:22 AM

For some women its easier to win the lottery than to have an orgasm. She doesn't sound like she was holding back at all.
Orgasms take a ton of work to do and are in general a lot harder to get for a woman than for a man. By having him say that she is lying to him that she is into him that's saying that he doesn't listen to her or that he doesn't trust her.

She told him how to possibly get her to reach orgasm but he doesn't do it! The foreplay is pretty important and sounds like her guy doesn't recognize that, again not listening to her.

Sounds lik he's being pretty immature about it all. If he thinks that you should orgasm simply by the sight of him then he's pretty full of himself. This isn't her problem, its his

The ability to climax really does have little to do with whether or not a person is really in love with another.

[This message has been edited by Aleii (edited 06-16-2003).]

thorsten_jan · 06-16-2003, 09:26 AM

Another guy here, I agree with UH-60. Considering what you have told him about the situation he is being very unfair and selfish. I would be more concerned to getting to the cause of your problem.