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Old 07-01-2003, 06:37 PM   #1
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Post your opinions on asking about number of ex lovers?

whats your opinion on asking how many ex's your partner has had? does it do more harm than good?

i ask this because uptil a week ago me and my new girlfriend haven't talked about number of ex's we'd had but last week while talking we got on the subject of the ammount of ex partners and i'm always abit frightened when it comes to the ammount of ex's but we told eachother anyway.

i'm 21 and my g/f is 19 and after asking her i don't know if i should have asked like i've done with ex partners...
i've had 8 partners and she's had 14,i just don't know what to think now,i think its something that plays on everyone's mind about their partner's history but once they tell you how many you sort of wish they hadn't.....i mean is 14 partners for a 19 year old alot??

whats your own opinion on asking about past partners??

 
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Old 07-01-2003, 07:54 PM   #2
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When I first started dating my husband, I wanted to know how many partners he had been with in the past. He told me without hesitating, just as I told him. I think it is a great thing to be open with your present partner about your past.

 
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Old 07-02-2003, 09:03 AM   #3
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When saying partners, do you mean she had sex with 14 other guys before? Or just that she's dated 14 other guys before? There's a big difference, and sometimes the message isn't clear. I'm just saying its possible she's had 14 other boyfriends before, but didn't have sex with them all. Unless you said 'sexual partners', in which case I guess she did then.

 
Old 07-02-2003, 09:58 AM   #4
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If she's important to you then it won't matter. If your looking for a good reason to break-up with her,you found one.

 
Old 07-02-2003, 10:12 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by 2+2=5:
[b]whats your opinion on asking how many ex's your partner has had? does it do more harm than good?[B]

Well, it depends on if you are able to handle it. I, for one, like honesty and openness.

i've had 8 partners and she's had 14,i just don't know what to think now,i think its something that plays on everyone's mind about their partner's history but once they tell you how many you sort of wish they hadn't.....i mean is 14 partners for a 19 year old alot??

Well, I am 28, and my boyfriend is 21. I have had 4 partners, he has had almost 30. It doesn't bother me at all, besides hoping that he was smart enough to use protection. Of course, we took STD tests before having sex, but I would have asked for that no matter how many or few partners he had had. I can't hold something he did in his past, before I was around, against him. I guess I'm not a very jealous person in general, but oh well. I know he loves me, and I trust him totally. His number of previous partners has no impact on our relationship, in my opinion, except for when we go out and run into one night stands that he has had, haha. Actually, it has happened about 7 times, and it is a bit wierd, but even that doesn't really bother me. Different people view sex differently, some wait to be in love, or in a long term relationship, and some don't. If you really care about her, it shouldn't matter, in my opinion. I would definately suggest STD testing for both of you before you become sexually active though.


 
Old 07-02-2003, 03:23 PM   #6
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One's sexual history does tell a story about the individual, and while it may not predict their fidelity to you, it still gives a glimpse into their behaviors and attitude.

A 19 y/o girl with 14 partners does not paint a good picture of a stable person who has a good sense of self worth. You may wish to explore why she has been so active, and then decide if you feel she can be faithful to you. Maybe she only needs a loving influence to settle down.

 
Old 07-02-2003, 04:45 PM   #7
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Hi there ...

My answer on your question would be "YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE ASKED".

While I personally think it is important to know about your partner's past, I wish I could undo my asking my girlfriend about her past. I know, it sounds weird, but after we talked about it, the problem started. I couldn't get that out of my head anymore, I am thinking a lot about it, and it just drives me nuts.

I tried to analyze that from all possible angles, but it turned out that I cannot find any explanation for my thoughts. I do love her as I never ever loved anyone before, and I also had a number of sexual partners in my past.

I guess, the human (male) mind is always out for competition, and that creates these sort of weird thoughts about your partner's past.

Sorry, if that sounds incomprehensive ... I just wanted to express that it might be much better never to ask such question ...

Cheers,
DarkBlue

 
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