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Old 07-31-2012, 07:29 AM   #1
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Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten months and practically live together, but we haven't had sex in over a month. This is a guy whose brain is always on sex, or was. When we first started dating it was pretty much every day. I know he's been saying he is stressed at work, and I try to get him to take some time off since he never does, just to get out of this rut he is in,but then he says hr will stress about not making enough money (since we are saving up for a house). I'll try wearing sexy clothing, suggesting things, anything I can think of that used to be irresistible for him, but now: nothing. When I ask him about it I get 'I just dont want sex, I dont know why. I love sex but I love you more'. I still can't help but think it's me, and im not an overweight girl or anything, I'm still the same figure as when he met me. But I still think it's something wrong with me. I feel horrible about myself and all he can say is 'I love you, I'm sorry'. I've gotten to the point where I've stopped trying to have sex with him because I know it won't work and he's fine with that. I barely wear any makeup, and wear comfort clothes now (jeans and tshirt as opposed to skirts, dresses and such). I don't know what to do.

 
Old 07-31-2012, 08:25 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

Has he been different in any other way, like depression etc...
Perhaps he is very stressed out at work and its causing him some depression. Sometimes we spot depression in those we love but dont admit it to ourselves. Ask some close family and friends if they have noticed anything different about him.
Another possibility is that he is punishing himself for something he has done that would hurt you if you ever found out, perhaps he was with another woman.
Whatever it may be, its best that you sit down with him and address your concerns. Explain how his actions are making YOU feel less desirable and upset. If he loves you, he'll explain the full extent of the problem to a sympathetic ear.

Hope it works out

 
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Old 08-06-2012, 04:09 PM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

Get your boyfriend to eat healthier, lots of fruits and veggies, some raw nuts/seeds. It will make him happier and in a good mood. A healthy diet can help with depression. I also saw that it increases sex drive. He gotta stop eating bad food and eat healthier. Tell him if he loves you, to do this His sex drive probably very low or not sure. Does he masturbate? just wondering.

Last edited by VeganRAw; 08-06-2012 at 04:11 PM.

 
Old 08-08-2012, 08:57 PM   #4
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max55 HB Usermax55 HB Usermax55 HB Usermax55 HB User
Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

Odds are its not you. Matter of fact I am 99% sure its not you as you have not changed at all - have you?

I am actually having the same problem with my girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for 2 years. Never been an every day thing since she has kids, works a lot and seems to need 12 hours of sleep a day.

Hate to say it but I read somewhere that low interest in sex is a sign of cheating. I don't know if thats the case for you, for me I fear its a real possibility. Anyway, i am just about at the end of the line - ready to end it and move on. Even if she is not cheating I just cannot go on like this for much longer. I hope things go better for you.

Last edited by max55; 08-08-2012 at 08:59 PM.

 
Old 08-09-2012, 06:28 PM   #5
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boogabear HB Userboogabear HB Userboogabear HB User
Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

Is he on any prescription meds? Some of them lower sex drive. Is he using recreational drugs?

 
Old 08-10-2012, 07:59 AM   #6
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VeganRAw HB User
Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

I saw Maca powder increases sex drive. I've been adding 1-2 tbsp to my smoothies, but I didn't notice any sex drive .. I am a virgin though, that could be it. He should try the maca powder I also saw mangoes is good too

 
Old 08-14-2012, 09:00 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

ive had the same problem, i was a sex manic and have been since i can remember, even as a small child i looked at older women and got aroused.. in the last month my sex drive has dissapeared and i struggle to get a full hard on and maintain it.

Last edited by azza15292; 08-14-2012 at 09:01 AM. Reason: TYPO

 
Old 08-23-2012, 03:09 PM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

hes getting laid somewhere by someone!

 
Old 09-07-2012, 07:06 PM   #9
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

You are not the problem, I think your bf is cheating you. Better to discuss this with your bf, you can't resolve this alone. If he will never tell you what the problem is I think he is really hiding something personal.

 
Old 11-08-2012, 06:09 PM   #10
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Re: Boyfriend doesn't want sex.

There's no reason to assume he's cheating (like one suggested). In a relationship it's always constant sex in the beginning. That can't last forever. As a relationship closes in on a man psychologically, he may feel the need to escape somehow. It's not necessarily cheating. It's usually just masturbating (escaping only in imagination).

Assuming there's nothing wrong with him physiologically or emotionally, I would guess that the root of the problem is that your man is not thinking about you in a sexual context anymore (or at least when you want him to be). This seems like the most common relationship problem. (It's been common for me at least.)

Day-to-day contact (especially any stress or frustration about anything) desexualizes you in his mind (consciously and especially subconsciously). You want to refresh the way he thinks about you if it seems to be "off" sexually. Time apart could achieve a helpful mental reset, but it's obviously really drastic, potentially risky, and unnecessary. Much simpler and easier than that, you could try avoiding boring daily interactions for a while--for instance, minimize them for a week. And then when you do interact, you could occasionally offer him sex in the most subtle, casual manner possible (as if disinterestedly).

Also, I think the biggest thing I ever learned about maintaining sex in a long-term relationship is to try presenting sexual advances in a different manner if they should start being declined repeatedly. You might be less predictable if you were previously. Or vice versa, but don't ever get your hopes up because you never want to feel let down about him declining--be more casual about it. You don't want him to feel bad for declining sex (if he does) because that only encourages him thinking negatively about sex with you.

Finally, it may be helpful for him to think afterwards that having sex with you was his idea rather than yours. This encourages the best pattern in his thinking. (It's all about reinforcing constructive thought patterns.)

I guess it might go without saying, you should only make the effort if he's worth it. And I'm sure that might not be good advice for a relationship except with me.

Anyway, that's my $.02.

Last edited by mc7; 11-08-2012 at 06:42 PM.

 
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