I am curious to hear what you guys out there think about this.
I recently had a conversation with one of my male friends. He was telling me that it is a turn off for him if a girl, on one of the very first few dates wants to have sex with him, or just be intimate with him in other ways. He said that with those kinds of girls, it makes him wonder if they'll just put themselves out for anyone. He said that if it's too easy to get, then he doesn't want it.
Do you guys out there think the same thing? For this particular friend of mine, I can't imagine him having always had that thought when he was younger. He is 25 years old now and I think that maybe his age has to do with that. Perhaps he is at an age where he's ready to find a good, decent girl. Is that true for most guys? That when you're young, sex is very important to you guys, but as you get older, you're more ready to settle down with someone decent - someone without a history of sexual partners?
Yes Angelica it is true for 99% of all guys. When guys are looking to settle down with a woman they prefer one not so quick to put out. If a guy says that's not true he's lying! When a guy asks about past relationships, if you really like him and you've been with several guys before him,if you want to keep him it's best to play down the others,way down!! This is basically guys that are interested in finding a long term relationship,until then it's a whole different story.
When most guys are young they want to play around. They may not think too much about how many guys a girl has been with. When they want to get serious and settle down they may not want a girl who's been around a lot. A lot of guys are also uncomfortable with the thought that the girl has been with more guys than he's been with girls. I know it's a double standard.
Some guys could care about a woman's past.
i think this varies from one guy to another. i have friends who think like your friend and those who would jump into sex right on the first date. the age sometimes is not the real issue because i have a friend who is going for 26 and wouldn't mind having sex with you on your first night out!
many people have different principles about everything they do. i used to be a bit unsteady when a girl wouldn't mind doing such things on our first day but over time i realised that there's really nothing to worry about. right now i have friends whom our relationship is just sexual, no strings attached!! if you meet a guy like that i guess you should just try to understand, it's probably because of their background!
[This message has been edited by tmotsoane (edited 07-21-2003).]
I would rather be in a long term relationship with someone who has sex sooner, in the relationship, rather than later. It means this is a woman who is able to think and act for themselves, and has somehow avoided the poisoness brainwashing that would say that sex is bad. To me sexuality is not something you parcel out as a 'privaledge". It is a joyful celebration of our humanity. Considering that human beings are the only animals that can have sex 365 days a year, I think it's stupid to "parcel it out". Sexual energy is also closely tied to creative energy.
Sex floods the body with endorphins, which is about the best thing you can do for yourself, and the world.
In my view, a woman who likes sex early on in a relationship, is more likely to continue to like sex 20 years into the marriage, and carries less societal and personal shame. She has somehow managed to avoid "game playing". And an experienced women is definitely a turn on, and can bring a lot of fun and knowledge and make the sex better.
It's time we all woke up and had (safe) fun. Yhis is not 19th century England ! Let's stop this hypocrasy and double standards.
Sexual frustration, inhibition, and the double standard is also linked to war, and hurtful oppression of women.
So go out there and have (safe) fun. I wouldn't broadcast my past history unncessisarily, since, unfortunatley us guys are pretty bad with the ego stuff, but I think the beloved put us on this earth to have FUN, and experience JOY, and that includes getting as much as we can, when we can get it, as long as we are being good to ourselves and our partners.
Just because someone is selective in who they are going to sleep with, just because they "parcel it out", does not mean they are sexually frustrated, plagued with shame, or anything else. For myself, it means I value the sexual act as one of the most intimate and spiritual things you can share, and I value my own body and its potential for physical pleasure, and as such, I'm not going to go sharing that experience with a wide variety of people. Sharing sex with only one or two people (not at the same time!) makes it incredibly special. My boyfriend has a long and rocky sexual past from his first couple years in university, and as much as he values the experience for what it's taught him, he also has a lot of regrets that he shared the gift of sex so casually with so many people. It was fun for a while (he told me) but eventually he realized it wasn't fulfilling. It cheapened sex for him, and at his lowest point he felt "like a *****."
He's rediscovering the spirituality and uniqueness of sexuality now, with his previous long-term girlfriend, and now me. As for me, it's still hurtful to think of all those women and all those sexual experiences in his past, but we work through it.
So I say kudos to the girl who's saving her sexuality for someone she really cares about and is going to commit to. Having sex with a lot of people not only takes away some of the spiritual side of it, but it can be emotionally, and of course physically (STDs) damaging. I believe sex with a very limited number of people (1 would be ideal of course) is healthier in all respects.