Hi, I am 24, recently got married. We have not had intercourse before marriage. I have not been able to reach an orgasm through penetration, or hand jobs by my wife or through oral sex. We can have sex for about 40 minutes and I still don't ejaculate or orgasm. If I take over with my hand I can bring myself to orgasm within a minute. I think I got to used to reaching orgams thoruhg self masturbation. It is quite distressing. I don't want my wife to think I am not attracted to her. I am, but I just dont get the same type of stimulation that could bring me to orgasm any other way than masturbating myself. Help!
Hey bud, you've already figured this one out. Your lil guy has been trained to respond only to your masturbation style, technique, speed and such. It has nothing to do with your not loving your wife or enjoying sex with her. You just need to re-train the lil guy to respond to her vagina as well. This is a pretty common thing so you'll just have to spend some time (together) working on it. Begin now by adding masturbation to your foreplay....all the time. Try new speeds, grips, techniques, let her work with it. Adding lubrication and varying pressure will help. Keep trying the intercourse and soon your lil guy will respond to the feeling of her vagina as well. Please do not let this get in the way of your new marriage, you'll be fine, just don't let the frustration get in the way...that'll just make it worse! Hopefully she'll understand and be grateful that this is because you "saved yourself" for her.
Thanks guys. I really appreciate your encouragement and putting me at ease about things. I am sure things will be ok. My wife is very supportive and has no problem with this process. She was also a virgin when we got married 2 weeks ago, and is also getting used to things.
i totally agree with lance2 and i think another thing you can do is focus and concentration. you must let the sounds she makes in bed turn you on and want to ejaculate. if she's feeling you and responding with those sounds, then you should try really hard to put all your mind to it, forget that everything else, including masturbation, at that moment, you'll see the trick!
[This message has been edited by tmotsoane (edited 07-21-2003).]
Take it from one who knows. This is a very serious problem best dealt with when you are young. It's called "RETARDED EJACULATION" Most RE sufferers can *** with masturbation but not oral, vaginal, or manual (with a partner) stimulation. Don't suffer a lifetime of frustrating sex like I have, women don't hang around long with guys who can't ejaculate, get to a Doctor or sex therapist ASAP!
I had the very same problem. Here's what worked for me. Stop all masturbation and hand jobs from your wife. You need to adapt to the lighter pressure during intercourse. You will soon get so horny you will easily ejaculate during intercourse. May take a couple of weeks but it will be worth it. From then on don't do any hand stimulation and you'll be fine.
You are correct only if he is NOT suffering from the psychological form of RE. One way to tell is if your penis goes numb a minute or two after intercouse begins. If it is psychological I'll repeat here what I said in another post on this site:
He could go a year without masturbating and it won't do any good if he is truly suffering from psychological retarded ejaculation. It's usually a psychological problem affecting about 6% of men. It can be caused by anxiety, low self esteem, no attraction the partner, childhood sexual abuse, SSRI antidepressent medications, and performance anxiety. Over masturbation may make it a bit worse but saying this guy should "save it up" is ridiculous. He needs psychotherapy. But be warned, severe cases of this terrible dysfunction have a very low cure rate. Many men with primary situational RE cannot have relationships with women or only certain kinds of women, (ie: prostitutes and one night stands) so most of the time masturbation is their only sexual outlet. Many of these men also become addicted to porn.
Can only orgasm through masturbation 
