RE: wannabe's issue - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

wannabehotguy · 08-15-2003, 02:58 PM

Here is a reply to some guy that posted early in the week: All suggestions are welcome. Thanks.

I am not positive as to why I feel anger towards some straight men. Here are some possibilities. And it has nothing to do with people personally, sometimes it might, but I have just had bad experience.

First, I feel like straight men get so easily offended and quick to reject any guy who shows signs of being fruity. Back in high school, middle school, and even in college I've met tons of guys and my mission was only to make friends. (I am not a horn ball) my missions was to make buds only. And I guess I am a bit fem and this scared the bejesus out of most of the straight guys and they rejected me big time (as a potential friend) and in high school and middle school I got made fun of REAL bad by straight guys (they just assumed that I was a ****). Especially the very good looking ones were good at insulting. I just don't want men to see me as a slobbering girly fairy, because I am not and I am out first to only make friends. I asked my therapist if I strike her as a girl man and she looked at me as if I was nuts and said "no way". Maybe the straights have very strong gaydar and easily pick up on my fruityness. It seems to me that because a man likes another man it gives the straight guys a rights of passage to automatically be insulting and arrogant and rude towards me or homos in general. Hmmm, that has been my experience for a long time.

Here comes the confusion. I've also met very feminene and fruity *acting* guys and they seem to never get made fun of, ignored, treated badly, or avoided by straight guys. And I am baffeled beyond belief as to why that other fruity acting guy gets attention and friends but not me. Remember I have never publicly announced to anybody that I am a dude who likes dudes. I am very confused.

TomsWife · 08-16-2003, 06:41 AM

Quote:
Here comes the confusion. I've also met very feminene and fruity *acting* guys and they seem to never get made fun of, ignored, treated badly, or avoided by straight guys. And I am baffeled beyond belief as to why that other fruity acting guy gets attention and friends but not me. Remember I have never publicly announced to anybody that I am a dude who likes dudes. I am very confused.
End Quote:
Hi,
As you can see by my name I am a woman. Heres my take on it, but I'm sure you will get better advise from the men on this board.
Perhaps the other fruity acting guys do not hide thier sexual orientation. In other words there "out of the closet". You, by your own admission have never "announced your a dude that likes dudes". But as you know, they know. They just dont know the whole story. When a straight man meets a homosexual and no advances are made, the straight man can let his guard down so to speak. Yes, most men/women have gaydar and when they are not sure of your intentions, they keep a guard up. If its friendship that you are searching for, the best thing for you to do is be honest with the people you meet. After all thats what friendship is all about right? Why try to start a relationship when all your cards arent on the table so to speak? I think that alone will make you more "friendship approachable". Rather than everyone thinking, "there's something up with that guy".
What do some of the straight men think about this?
Good luck and really just try to be yourself....

wannabehotguy · 08-16-2003, 02:40 PM

Tomsgirl,

Thanks for the feedback. I believe that was very insightful of my social woes and it helped to see it in different view and how maybe I could do somethings different. Some fruity guys had girlfriends and these guys were always smiling, talking a lot very flamboyent tones and maybe people feel Happy around those people. Because see I've been a **** who's had severe depression and chronic panic attacks, therefore people most likely do pick up on that and try to stay away from even if I cover it all up with smiles and happy talk. What I am saying is that I may come across as being very phoney and fake. I am just wondering what would they be thinking if they could just accept me as this is just the way I am? I really do not see myself as out there and bizaree behavior. My version of LIKING a really hot guy is just to be real nice to him and talk with him, that is about it. NO butt slapping, or hugging ,or touching, or erotic dialog..lol. none at all.

I'd love to hear from the straight men and anyone else.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 08-16-2003).]

manofthemoment · 08-16-2003, 05:32 PM

Hello wannabe.Ive been reading your post and understanding a lot on what you are saying.Im also a gay guy who has not had the best of times.Im now 29 and i only came out in Feb this year.I told some freinds at work 1st then my parents.The rest of the family dont know unless they have sinced guessed.Im a very straight acting guy and people who meet me are surprised to hear that im gay.I too keep getting feelings of depression and i do get my panic attacks as well.Like i said before im 29 and i was only ever close to one guy but it just turned into a friendship only.Im also trying to meet more people and i find it very hard to mix.I can understand why alot of straight men get edgy around us sort of guys , most i guess may think that we will try sometime as soon as they let there guard down.I for one know that , there is a line you can never cross.The hard part is getting a straight guys trust, and that you just want to be freinds and freinds only.I have managed to now do that with a few straight men , but i feel it did help that they knew about me so they know what im like.But you have to remember there are plenty of straight male/female who have trouble meeting or making freinds as well.Sorry i cant remember how old you said you are but if you still in school or about to leave school , you should notice a better difference once you in the work force.School is probably the hardest place to mix when you are different to others around you.The peer pressure of taunts and to out do someone else's comments always ring true in a school yard.The only thing i can say is dont give up on meeting people too easly and you will find that once you do meet some people it doesnt take long for that circle to grow.I hope you get to meet some more people soon and hope that by me showing that i was in a silimar situation it helps you in your ways too.