Originally posted by LostCause: |
I guess when im alone and looking at porn or something i can get hard, but when i get with someone i do get nervous and i think about it about loseing my erection because it happened once with a girl.
Based on your above statement, your problem is not physical. It's in your head and you need major surgery, but the good news is you can do it yourself.
As I see it, you are afraid that you will look bad. You're afraid that your lack of experience might show, that she'll know you're not a hot stud and that you'll be a miserable failure.
There are so many self-fulfilling prophecies here I don't know where to begin. Rule of thumb: everything you're afraid she might find out, she already knows. And she's with you anyway. Rule of thumb #2: it's all way more important to you than it is to her.
Okay, maybe some women have a fantasy of the romantic hero emerging from the mist and just taking her, without any preamble, without permission... but it's never a good thing to use this as your own standard. It's her fantasy if it exists at all. And certainly not when you're still getting to know her. If and when you become that person, then you'll know what to do. Until then, if you have to wonder, don't try.
I'm not advising you to "Show your vulnerability," or any new age stuff either. But I am advising you to be honest. If you're inexperienced, don't bother trying to hide it, it's already obvious. Use it. Just be who you are because you will anyway. But if you are trying to lie about it in the process, you're going to come off looking like a jerk. If she's impatient, or annoyed or doesn't like something about you, hey, get it--she's not the one you need to be spending your time with. It's no crime being simply who you are. Guys know they're not going to get a supermodel, women know they're not getting a 9 inch stud from a porn movie who can keep it up all night. Trust that who you are is okay with her and stop making excuses in your head. That will begin the process of shutting down the thoughts that sabotage you, and start creating the kind of interaction that will allow you to stop worrying about yourself and start taking care of your partner. Then you both win.
If they get you asking
the wrong questions,
they don't have to worry
about the answers
[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]