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Old 08-29-2003, 05:17 PM   #1
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turbo20 HB User
Post Sexual Dysfunction?? I'm only 20, need help!

Never thought I'd be looking for help... never had this problem before...

Basically my situation, I have had a girlfriend since I was 16, we lost our virginity together, NEVER had a problem sexually, no problem getting hard, and even some "premature ejaculation" problems here and there because i'm overly excited.

Well now I'm 20, and met a new girl at work, yes I'm cheating, sorry. And I feel pretty comfortable with her, we've had sex twice, but I seem to have this ongoing problem getting hard, or staying hard.

When we do have sex, the first time I did ok, started getting soft a little, but I took the condom off and fooled around a bit to fix the problem, it worked!

The second time, it wasn't so lucky, it got soft during intercourse... and it's driving me crazy. This girl is gorgeous and I shouldn't have this problem.

I can barely get it up for oral sex either, I just basically don't seem to have a sex drive. It's not that I can't get it hard, per say, its more that I don't have the drive, because when I do I'm perfectly fine, and with this new girl, I just can't manage to find that drive.

I NEED help badly, maybe remedies, something to help. Because this is just killing me, I'm just thinking too much about other things, or just thinking too much, period.

I want to have my sex drive, and its driving me nuts not having it with this girl.

Please, I need other answers besides "it's because you feel guilty your cheating, you think about your girlfriend", because thats the obvious... i'll stop rambling, someone please help me!

 
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Old 08-29-2003, 06:36 PM   #2
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boozebags HB User
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Had the same problem when I was 20 too. Its mental but I'm sure that doen't help you. You get soft during sex because your thinking about it. Its easy to say don't think about it but thats not going to fix your problem right now. I'll tell you how I fixed my problem. I got a 100mg viagra pill from a friend and cut it into 1/4's. I poped one of those and I was like superman. Even when you think about other things the medicine helps you keep blood in that region longer. When the stress is off you can perform fine. They are also good to have when you sleep with girls for the first time. Your much harder with greater endurance. After a good performance you can be assured that she is telling all her friends. Which can help you get in there pants too! Good luck.

 
Old 08-29-2003, 06:56 PM   #3
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turbo20 HB User
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Yeah, glad you understand.
It's only my second girl, she LOVED the first time, and I did good, maybe it was the fact that I had 3 bud lights before, cleared my mind a little bit... not sure, but can't drink, then drive to her house to do it now.
Viagara is so damned expensive, I'll consider giving it a shot though, I KNOW its mental, and its great you see that a different solution is better. I want my damn sex drive, I love getting caught up in it, who doesn't!!
This girl is amazing and I wanna enjoy this while it lasts. I'll look into viagara, any other things that work, maybe some sort of pill or whatever you can pick up at the local xxx shop? Does that horny goat weed stuff work at all?

 
Old 08-30-2003, 09:40 AM   #4
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focus HB User
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Quote:
Originally posted by turbo20:
I want to have my sex drive, and its driving me nuts not having it with this girl.
Don't confuse sex drive with erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety. They are two different things. If you had a sex drive problem, you wouldn't be very interested in having sex to begin with. But clearly you are. So sex drive isn't a problem.

You're suffering from erectile dysfunction, and I'm 99% sure its caused by something going on in your brain. It could be guilt, knowing that you're cheating, or simple performance anxiety in that you really want to impress this great looking woman with your sexual capabilities. Sometimes you don't even realize your putting this mental pressure on yourself, but it can be very real and can cause your erection to not happen or disappear. It's very common.

 
Old 08-31-2003, 11:29 PM   #5
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edgework HB User
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Quote:
Originally posted by turbo20:
...I'll look into viagara, any other things that work, maybe some sort of pill or whatever you can pick up at the local xxx shop? Does that horny goat weed stuff work at all?
Yeah, it works,and so do a lot of other things, most of which you can find rolled into a combo pill in any health store or decent pharmacy. There are basically two hormones involved in an erection. The first one relaxes the smooth muscles and lets blood flow. The second counters the effects of the first. Viagra works by inhibiting the effects of the second. The amino acid L-arginine greatly facilitates the production of the first. That's why you always find it in potency formulas. There are roughly a dozen or so herbs and suppliments that you tend to find used in the various products again and again. The formulas aren't all the same but they do tend to work similarly. You should definitely go that route before starting to rely on Viagra.

But dude, at your age, and with your history, it ain't the plumbing that's that problem. It's the plumber. Your head's the problem and whether it's fear of failure, trying too hard, guilt about cheating, it all comes down to that moment when the brain flicks the switch and the current stops flowing. You have to make peace with yourself, whatever that takes. If it's fear of performance failure, than the last thing you want to do is to suck it up and just KEEP TRYING, GODDAMIT!!! Change the routine and break the evil spell. Embrace what's true about yourself and make it work for you. I came to realize when I was out in the single world, that the first time I was with a woman, intimately, I was a basket case. It didn't matter how well we got along on previous dates, once the clothes started to come off, my brain went into high gear, which is the worst thing possible, and gritting my teeth and trying to sweat my way through it was a disaster. I took a few alternative routes around this roadblock, the simplest being plain old honesty: "Hey, this is what happens sometimes... opening night jitters, you know, but it goes away..." or something similar. If I felt really awkward bringing things to that personal a level, things would probably be awkward soon enough anyway, but most women are really on your side, and, once the pressure is relieved, the problem often disappears as well.

Eventually your testoserone levels will drop, like they do for all guys, and THEN you'll really want to look into supplements. But wait till you need them.

(And don't overlook the possible problem you have from cheating. You may not be the kind of guy you think you'd like to be. Some guys can. Maybe you can't).

------------------
If they get you asking
the wrong questions,
they don't have to worry
about the answers

[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]

[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]

[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]

[This message has been edited by edgework (edited 09-01-2003).]
__________________
If they get you asking
the wrong questions,
they don't have to worry
about the answers

 
Old 09-04-2003, 01:02 PM   #6
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turbo20 HB User
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Edgework,
Thanks for the advice- I think your right- things like Viagra may be a step ahead.
I discussed it with the girl, said almost the same thing "just still feel a bit awkward about the whole thing" and she totally understood.
Now things have improved drastically, I've relaxed a bit and the excitement is back. Your right- if you try to just muscle through it- its a nightmare, thats the wrong route and thats what I was doing- as it just gets worst and worst... I changed the routine a bit, we took it easy, and I'm more comfortable now with her and things are flowing great again.

 
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