hey i'm a 21 year old guy. i'm with this girl i met about 2 weeks ago right now. we seem to click pretty well together. we both are virgins and don't want to have sexual intercourse til marriage. when it comes to the bedroom though i just don't seem to get as much as she does out of it. i've pleasured her 3 or 4 times orally and with my hands and she seems to enjoy it very much but i don't really get anything out of it at all, basically no hands or oral from her at all. when she's satisfied she'll just roll over and say she has to go home about 30 minutes later. does anyone have any suggestions about what i could do to get her to give me what i give her? i really appreciate it.
[This message has been edited by tictac998 (edited 08-27-2003).]
Tictac, I suggest a direct approach. Discuss the situation with her. Talk to her in the same way you expressed your thoughts in your post. If you find talking difficult, perhaps you could guide her hands to your penis, and take it from there if she is hesitant.
You've got to communicate with your partner if you expect your relationship to go any further.
__________________ I hear the beat of a different drummer
I agree with Fles. You need to talk to her about it if you feel comfortable. I was thinking that maybe she is getting so excited, maybe she feels if it goes any further, it will lead to intercourse(which both of you don't want). My suggestion is to either go all the way or don't do anything at all.
I'm amazed at this... What a complete lack of consideration this girl is showing for her partner makes me ill.
TicTac... Next time you two are together and she wants a little action, lean back, look her in the eye, and say, "Me first". Be selfish about it... It's your right as a man. I wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior for a second, and I don't think you should either.
You should ask her point blank to give you a hand job or some oral. If she says no ask why if her reason isn't satisfactory leave and find a girl that will.
this girl is being selfish but i wouldnt say "me first" to her in an aggressive way coz this will probly turn her off. instead why not tease her a little with some dirty talk and tell her exactly what you want her to do to you, then tell her that if she does this to you a certain way, you will do this to her, etc. if she wont play then id say find some one else who wants to satisfie you as much as you do them becoz you shud feel as gud as she does
I agree with Wishful_thinking on this one... Do it in such a way where she will be rewarded if she takes care of you... Don't give in bud... Don't let her talk her way around the situation. Tell her that you'd like her to do act A and upon successful completion of said act, you will reward her with act B or something comperable.
My (now ex) was the oposite. she was fine to do almost anything but as the years went by she wanted more and gave less and less. she even baltently refused to give oral sex but insisted i did. We spoke about it and she was very condescending. I was always devoted to her in bed - i would put here before me every time because it gives me pleasure to do so. She reciprocated at first but soon turned away. Its selfish and mean and unfortunately meant the end of our relationship (no im not that shallow there were other factors). Some ladies are unfortunately like this its very depressing and upsetting when they tell you they dont want to touch you and wont respond when you are up for getting frisky, but demand you do when they are.
At the end of the day you will find someone who you gell with. What is yours to be had is on its way. Truth.
When you talk to her you are going to find out that she has some other issues. I can think of two fo them.
First, she is embarassed at orgasming. She feels guilty like she did something wrong. Like you two shouldnt have done that etc. In this case, she is going to be high maintenance and require some real work and patience on your part. Re-assure her. Tell her you care and that you are glad to have given her pleasure. Make sure to hold her etc.
Second is that she thinks its gross. Lots of young women that do not have experience with sex feel that any fluids and smells are disgusting. And you are now coated with her juices. Dont expect her to pleasure you, snuggle or kiss you if she has issues with her own sexual lubricants. Find out of she masterbates. If she doesnt, then this might be the problem. You will need to get yourself cleaned up soon after pleasing her to ensure she stays long enough to help you. And keep in mind that her pleasing you will cause her more problems if she has issues with fluids.
But as the others said, talk to her straight up. You should try mutual masterbation next. IE you each do yourselves or do each other at the same time.
Keep it open. Be honest and ask whats up.
[This message has been edited by Btmj (edited 09-04-2003).]
[This message has been edited by Btmj (edited 09-04-2003).]
This is from a woman's point of view :-) (yeah I snuck into your guy section :-)
The first experience with sex can be quite intimidating.
The thought of even touching a penis can be quite frightening, it was to me the first time, even though I had frequently masturbated etc before on my own, this was a completely new experience.
I think just gradually introduce your penis to her hand, take her hand, lead it down there, let her play with it & get acquainted with it while reassuring her that it makes you feel good & make her feel comfortable doing it. As she gets used to the thought of playing with you, I think things will naturally progress towards oral sex, if not, just talk to her about it and ask if she minds trying it.
If she doesn't seem ready, just let her keep giving you a handjob, the oral sex will eventually come into play as you both get more comfortable with each other.
It doesn't take long to get used to holding and touching a penis, it's just that the introductory phase can be very awkward...
Just keep reassuring her that what she does to you feel good (hopefully it will feel good) & it will make HER feel good knowing that you're enjoying her touch.
Good luck TicTac :-)
Tig
__________________
Some say the glass is half empty, other say it's half full.
My only concern is who the heck is drinking my beer???
If you are giving her full oral services then she's gotta produce.
Just be frank with her and tell her that if she does not start to guzzle some goo that you are gonna drop her like a hot potato. Or that, at least, your oral days with her are over.
Girl gets off but not me 
its very depressing and upsetting when they tell you they dont want to touch you and wont respond when you are up for getting frisky, but demand you do when they are.
