I was just reading another topic on, if it is really important to a guy if they are at a time in ther life where they want to settle down, how many partners a women has had. First of all my opinion as a 20 yr old female, which will probable not suprise you is that men and women should be treated as equals. but it just suprised me as to how many mature men had reponded to the first topic. Maybe that is why I m so attracted to men at least 5 yrs older to me. I just cannot relate to men my own age, and all of my friends my own age have just about the same morals as the immature men I meet. I believe that giving away your body to someoneelse is sacred. I am not saying that I am A virgin at all in anyway, but I just wish that I could find somone on this earth that shares the same thoughts as me. Please feel free to respond it you have any thoughts. Thanks
I agree with you. I am 39 and have learned and mature a lot on my early years. All people care these days it's about sex, sex, sex, and with whom ever>>>wow...All I want these days it's someone to share my life with and love without limitations and of course sex, but not just limited to sex. so do not feel frustraded about the whole thing, it's just the way of society and morals.....
bye
caonabo
i'm a 20 yr old, and i share your views, i see sex as something special, i'm a virgin and would like to wait till i find that special someone, i don't want to give it away in the heat of the moment.
Nick,
If only I could meet someone like you where I live all my prares would be answered. I admire you so much for your self respect and values. You are a rare kind. Don't let anyone ever make you think negatively about your decisions, I wish there were more of us that thought this way.
I 100% agree, sex is a wonderful portionof a relationship, but it is only a portion of it. There is nothing better than to know you found someone who respects you as much as you respect them. Someone who would do anything for you, some who u tryst about anything and vice versa. Sex is the icing on the cake, great to have but not the only thing one shoudl want.
However in terms of dating and protection, unless u want children and have been tested as has been your g/f or b/f, always, always use a condom, it is show respect 4 your partner and yourself.
yeah i know i'm rare, sometimes i feel like the lone virgin, it's hard sometimes to keep these views cuz i'm a man just like any other, i get the same urges, guess i hav strong self control.
where is MA?, i'm not from the US, i'll be in Minnesota next mth to study
Most of all Just be yourself and do not let peer pressure take the best out of you. Sex is just a wonderful feeling to cheerish with some that in fact loves you more than themselves but in a positive way, not with envy and control over you or your actions. Keep your head up and you will find someone with the same values that you cherish in your deepest part of your soul and heart. sincerely;
Caonabo
To Nick3454: I'm not so sure you should feel like the lone virgin. Don't believe everyone who tells you they're fast and free. Guys like to brag.
To krissy8317: I know lots of wonderful, young, non-religious people who are just like Nick. They enjoy life. Sex is not worshipped. A loving relationship is valued.
Best wishes.
__________________ I hear the beat of a different drummer
I am looking at the situation for two points of view. I lost my virginaty at a very, very young age, lets say that if I were jewish I would have been about a year too young to be bar mitzved. I am not proud of it at all. It was an awful mistake, I was way to young to handle it and the pressures that go with it. It took me a while to learn that women are people and that are not sex objects and it took me a while to learn that sex is not a sport or the olymics and I was not getting a gold stars. In hindsight, I wish I was the average age for lossing it, but I would not be who I am today, if i didn't go thru what I did then.
It also had a lasting effect on my two brothers, I am the youngest of three. My next oldest brother waited months and months after I had already become very sexually active and he is 4 years older than me. He thought I was way cool and was dying to find someone to crawl into bed with, the faster the better. I wish now I had the sence to tell him to wait until he found someone to care for.
On the other hand, Thank god my oldest brother was mature enough to see what was going on and he waited until he got married and actually waited for his wedding day with someone he loves very, very much.
At least I and my next oldest brother always used protection for everything: oral, anal, vaginal, b/j etc., but it was an awful mistake for a child who was physically large for his age and who matureured biologicly very, very early at that age, I already had a hairy chest, hairy legs and was shaving.
I looked like a guy in his late teens or older and I was kid, not a good combination. Looking back on it, I treated women like dirt and only was interested in getting laid.
I grew up fast, but eventually met a really nice young women, who made me reaalize by not sleeping with me, that there was so much more than sex to a relationship. In other words, I grew up! That was about when I was about 15 or so, about the time, most people think about having a sex life.
Frankly I am ashamed of what I did in those three years, then I was very proud of it and now it is nothing to be proud of.
The other thing is at least, I refused to let it ruin my grades, something I am so glad I long ago decided. I did b/c education was stressed in my folks home and I was a show off, since I was maturing so fast, bilogicly,. I also was developing muscularity at an early age, and unless my marks were good, there was no working out, no weights, no school wrestling, boxing, etc.,(for a while I had to have practice wrestling and boxing with my coach b/c I was to large and strong to do so with the other guys in my grade. I also practiced but could not compete with guys in my in the grades over my middel brother's grade who were closer in strenght, weight and size). BUt I truly could hardly discuss anything with them I was akid, the only thing I could talk to them about was sex or working out, they were years ahead of me in school and it made me feel like the jerk that I was.
My folks were also of two minds of the issue, the knew that in effect the really could not stop me from having sex and in fact made sure that I used condoms, by supplying them to me until I was 15 or 16 years old, there after it was my repsonabilty. Not meaning to do so, they treated me as if i was so much older, because I looked so much older, even older than my brothers.
It kind of was like the movie BIG, a child in a mans body, but unlike the movie it was not funny.
I would like to think I am a far better person for all of it and in ways I know I am, I respect and treat people so much better, b/c I was frankly a jack *** as an early teen. So all I can say to all of you is becareful what u wish 4 b/c being a pre teenage stud, is not much to brag about ten years later.
So i can now safely say that while sex is wondeful, it is not the be all and end all of a relationship. Now I have a wondeful g/f that and my concerns today are more like, checking the air in her tires, her grad school work, our apartment and spending time TALKING to her in stead of trying to screw her brains out.
We go to each others drs. appts. , we run and swim together, we share and we both try to put the other first always, they way it should be. I hope at least someone can learn from my mistakes and bareing it all to you. (as you can see, I may have done very well is school, but my spelling and typing are 4 the birds, so sorry).
In closing take care, be good to your b/f or g/f and always, always respect you lover by making sure you use condoms.
Well, you can treat sex as casual recreation and do it with people even if you don't know them well, or you can avoid it until you're in a serious relationship. It really is everyone's choice, man or woman.
Nowadays it seems a bit eccentric to wait until you're actually married for sex, and that wouldn't be an attractive feature in a partner for me--I'd feel like I was being forced in the direction of marriage, and I'd think the woman was mixing a formal contract (marriage) with an agreement between two people (sex) where I believe it's important to keep them separate. I want to do things because I want to, not because it's a public issue. But if there are men and women who think that's a good thing, fine, I hope they find each other.
People who think they've been used sexually, or who think they've let sex become a trivial thing, ought to hold out for a relationship where the emotional bond between the partners matches the intimacy of the sex. It's under everyone's control and nobody ought to complain if they haven't been doing it.
I just thought I would add a quick post here. IT'S REALLY hard to find people who don't give themselves over in the heat of the moment over the age of 16 it seems but they exsist. I am a 22yr old female virgin and PROUD OF IT! sure I get picked on in school (college) but that's ok because the greatest gift I can give the man I love is me, and i don't want that spoiled by someone who was using me, possibly abusing me, and treating me like a sex toy.
I know a few virgins though but it helps I'm a strong Christian and a majority of my friends are as well. But that doesn't make me a prude either. Hahahahaha that's a common mistake. I just choose not to talk about things in front of everyone that will make it harder for me to restrain! But that's just me!
Kimberly I have a great deal of respect 4 u, I wish at my your age I ahd such fortitude! take care and have sex with protection when u feel ready and not be4!
Kimberly~ I bet if that cute guy with the nice *** in the back of your phych class was interested in you you would jump his bone in a second. You're not fooling anyone with that sex is sacred crap. You're afriad of being hurt... That's understandable, cause some guys are jerks. Doesn't mean you should button your shirt up that high and stick your nose up at guys who find you sexually attractive. That DOES make you a prude.
[This message has been edited by Modulus (edited 08-29-2003).]
[This message has been edited by bfl (edited 08-30-2003).]
nothing wrong with us modulus its wanting to follow our relgion. i think the same way as her, and dont give us that bull---t about being afraid of getting hurt you dont even know us
Modulus has a point. I bet once you meet "that person" which could be someone you have a relationship for several years or marriage, I'd imagine you'd have sex before marriage. Why? Most people don't get married till late 20s or early 30s now. You think you can hold off for that long? Sex is a natural thing shared between two people when it's the next step in a relationship. That is my view, and i'm not religious, but yes, I'm still a virgin. It's more common sense to me. Yes, I would LOVE to have sex now, but I don't wanna do it with some bimbo. I wanna do it with someone I care for. To me, if you care for them, love them, cherish, and rejoice in thier company, than good things will come, maybe marriage. My point is, forget the public society, that includes those "Christian values", and just follow your heart. But if that is what gives you faith, following that and waiting to have sex till marriage than, oh well. It's a free country.
[This message has been edited by shamsung (edited 09-02-2003).]
You're damn right sex isn't #1 in life. Sex is a part of life, just like everything else, and a pleasurable part to be sure, but obsessing over it isn't healthy.
As for the whole virgin/marriage issue, I think that's up to each individual. You should make your decisions based on what your heart tells you, not what your preacher or parents or friends say. Choices made on your own for your own reasons will actually stick, and mean something to you.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with avoiding casual sex for what it is, but you should never be afraid to give people a chance (within reason) to prove their worth. You never know, that seemingly shallow girl (or guy) who's been looking at you might just be the perfect person for you, and much deeper than they seem.
Make your own decisions, and stand by the decisions you make. Nobody hates a person with integrity.
It is funny to see peoples attitude towards saving sex for marriage. I think it is awesome, and I know tons of guys that feel the same way. I am 22 and am married and as happy as can be. It was such a fun and exciting experience on our wedding night. I'm normal I love basketball, rock concerts, hiking camping, art and hanging out with my friends and wife. I also love going to church and participating with my religious callings. I guess you can say deciding whether or not to have sex is before marriage is a matter of what is important to you. If all you think about is sex and all you date for is to get some action then that shows what is important to you. If you hold your body and your virginity to be important then thats what people will see. It's good to see some people with self respect and self worth to show what they feel is important even though others don't beleive it. Ther is alot more to this life than sex you need to have priorities.
Most guys want sex, sex, sex. They will trade stories about the girls, & trade girl friends when they are tires of them. Chase after the one that puts out.
But, when it comes to marriage they do not want the girl that everyone has had in bed. They want the "good" girl that has not played around with every Tom, Dick, & Hairy.
I waited until I as my boyfriend for atleast a year and a half before I did anything, it wasnt that he was just a patient person waiting for me to cave in, it was because he really did love me, and the time in our eyes was right then, you will know when somone loves you if they wait and abide by your choices in life, that doesnt mean that dont want it though. Personally modul, i think youre a real nasty person, and disrespectful for that matter, i look up to all of you that have waited and found the right person, and even then continued to wait, it will be worth it im sure. even though i only waited a year, we are still together on almost 4 years, and hes still with me, why? cause he loves me, and in the end that is really all that matters. sex will always be better for not men or women, but for the people that know love makes it great, not as we should say lust. The two are constantly confused.
sex isn't # 1 in life 
Personally modul, i think youre a real nasty person, and disrespectful for that matter, i look up to all of you that have waited and found the right person, and even then continued to wait, it will be worth it im sure. even though i only waited a year, we are still together on almost 4 years, and hes still with me, why? cause he loves me, and in the end that is really all that matters. sex will always be better for not men or women, but for the people that know love makes it great, not as we should say lust. The two are constantly confused.
