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Old 07-26-2003, 12:03 AM   #1
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Exclamation i love my girlfriend and i need help

hi dudes. i gotta a pretty big problem over here. i love my girl like nothin else and she means the world to me. we have been plannin on havin sex lately and we have tried to a few times but things have been impaired by me. i dunno if its a pyschological thing or more of maybe just being a premature ejaculater, or maybe even both, but i can never get fully erect when we are foolin' around. and if i do get nearly hard, it goes soft when i try to put the condom on. and i seem to be able to pop off without even being fully hard. i have never been circumcised so maybe i can understand bein a little more sensitive during foolin around, but i can masturbate for a decent amount of time and get fully erect. i just feel really bad cause my girl has been really patient and i love her more than anything and we both want to have sex and i have let her down the past few times we have tried. i feel disappointed in myself and just want the whole experience to be really good for her. i dont know what to do cause she is so special to me and i cant keep bein a failure. i dont know if you dudes have any tips for me but i would appreciate any advice if you got any. i need it bad.

 
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Old 07-28-2003, 12:19 AM   #2
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please, little help?

 
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Old 07-28-2003, 04:58 AM   #3
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Nebraska: As ejaculatory and erectile problems go, this one is pretty easy to fix. Go to your doctor, tell him or her what's going on. Ask about going on a half dose of what are called SSRI Antidepressents. The brand names are Paxil, Prozac, Effexor...there are others..I can't remember. Unlike people who are depressed, you don't have to take the drug every day...just a few hours before you have sex (unless you have sex every day lol) A half dose won't really effect you mood wise, but what it will do is retard your ability to ejaculate a little bit...giving you time to really please you lady before you yourself have an orgasm.

Your Doc proably has free sample packs of SSRI drugs for you to try. You may have to cut a pill in half to get the smallest dose.

If the erectile problem doesn't clear up on it's own, Viagra will make you rock hard. But I think it's just a matter of nerves and as you and your girlfriend get more comfortable having sex, that erection problem will dissapear. We all hate condoms my friend but these days
we haven't got much of a choice.

 
Old 07-28-2003, 06:42 AM   #4
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Hey bud, I'd like to offer another thought. Sure, there can be medical things that might cause this. However, I suspect that this is something else. Sounds like you love this girl alot and want to make things wonderful for her (and you)that probably translates into your attempts and "trying too hard" to make this work. Sex is meant to be pleasureable and relaxed, not stressful. When we try to hard it becomes stressful, then adding putting on the condom (great thing) that just takes some of the "air out" of the lil guy! Add on top of that the repeated attempts at making this work and feeling frustrated, embarassed and the fear of not pleasing her....and you have the perfect recipe for disaster here. Our two heads are VERY connected and unfortunately when we have "failed" attempts that creates a fear for us that things won't work next time and we get into this incredible cycle, often called peformance anxiety....it can be a nightmare and many men go through this. So, I believe that this problem can be easily fixed but its up to YOU to do it. You know that the lil guy works, he does for you when you masturbate so this isn't a physical thing...its mental. Stop masturbating for a period of time (probably a few days to a week) plan an exciting romantic evening and then try this again. However, focus only on her....do alot of foreplay and make sure she has fun. Try to forget that you even have a penis. Its perfectly OK to add some stimulation of your penis....work with it a bit. Maybe add masturbation to your foreplay and have her do it...this can be quite fun....believe me. Don't rush things and try to focus only on the fun and pleasure...forget about past issues here and stay only in the moment of pleasure. Don't worry if this takes more attempt than one....just keep working together. Communication is key to a sexual relationship, let her know how you're feeling and how great it is for her to be patient. This has NOTHING to do with her, I just think you're trying to hard to make it perfect and often sex isn't perfect at all. Hang in there bud, you'll be just fine. Let us know how things turn out here!

 
Old 07-28-2003, 08:19 AM   #5
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Lance is right. And it's always better to try the non drug route first. Both premature and retarded ejaculation are usually caused by psychological problems such as performance anxiety and just generally worrying. A sex therapist once told me that foreplay and intercourse are a give and take experience but orgasm is, in the end a selfish act....it has to be. And he's right, if you worry too much about pleasing your partner your signals are going to get crossed and you'll either have an orgasm prematurely or much worse, suffer from delayed or no ejaculation which is very hard to treat. So relax, enjoy and do what Lance suggests. If it doesn't work go to the doctor and get a perscrip for low dose SSRI meds.

 
Old 08-02-2003, 12:15 AM   #6
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I'm in exactly the same boat!, I've been seeing My girlfreind for about 6 weeks and I care for her soooo much. We basically discussed that we were more than comfortable with each other and decided that in a few days we would have sex, and when it came to the big moment, I struggled to get an errection, doh! We got upto some antics and I noticed that i wasn't getting a hard enough errection, so I had just to give her some pleasure in other ways, after all, all that I wanted to do was make her feel really good, I'm not too fussed about it being good for me. I felt like I had really let her down. Its flaming typical, usually I can't control the damn thing, sometimes I'll just hold her hand and whoop there it goes. I decided it was 1 of 2 things that had caused it,

1. the thought of the big day had left me feeling rather horny the night before, and I had a few parties 'where only my hand was invited' if you catch my drift, which may of left me a little 'drained'.
2. I was very very tired, and a little nervous, and I tend to worry about stuff when I'm that tired.

She told her how I felt about what had happened, and she just said not to worry. Hopefully by the next time we give it ago I should be less tired. Although it doesn't help my sleeping pattern when I can't stop thinking about her.

So don't worry about it Buddy, hopefully things should sort itself out with time, I'm sure that if she cares for you as much as you care for her, she will understand. look on the bright side, at least you got to see her naked

 
Old 08-02-2003, 12:19 AM   #7
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I'm in exactly the same boat!, I've been seeing My girlfreind for about 6 weeks and I care for her soooo much. We basically discussed that we were more than comfortable with each other and decided that in a few days we would have sex, and when it came to the big moment, I struggled to get an errection, doh! We got upto some antics and I noticed that i wasn't getting a hard enough errection, so I had just to give her some pleasure in other ways, after all, all that I wanted to do was make her feel really good, I'm not too fussed about it being good for me. I felt like I had really let her down. Its flaming typical, usually I can't control the damn thing, sometimes I'll just hold her hand and whoop there it goes. I decided it was 1 of 2 things that had caused it,

1. the thought of the big day had left me feeling rather horny the night before, and I had a few parties 'where only my hand was invited' if you catch my drift, which may of left me a little 'drained'.
2. I was very very tired, and a little nervous, and I tend to worry about stuff when I'm that tired.

She told her how I felt about what had happened, and she just said not to worry. Hopefully by the next time we give it ago I should be less tired. Although it doesn't help my sleeping pattern when I can't stop thinking about her.

So don't worry about it Buddy, hopefully things should sort itself out with time, I'm sure that if she cares for you as much as you care for her, she will understand. look on the bright side, at least you got to see her naked

 
Old 09-11-2003, 12:12 AM   #8
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hey nebraska, I had the exact same problem went to see a doctor and all. Its nothing physical at all Lance is pretty much on the ball its a mental thing you want it so bad your not letting it happen! you think your putting your self in the mood but your doing the exact opposit by stressing out over how important it is to you so without realizing your scared to fail which in turn causes the brain to release a hormone of some sort (cant recall the name) this hormone actually acts as a anti erection! this is usually released after sex or when you have an erection for no reason and it goes down. IF you noticed it is a little hard to get up even on your own after you have one of these experiance's and you'll ejaculate before its completly hard as you have been.

When I became really comfortable with my girl and learned to relax and enjoy this completly disapeard, hope this helps!

 
Old 09-11-2003, 01:33 AM   #9
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Sure! 100% psycologichal! U get so worry about not be pleasant to ur gal, ur adrenaline level goes up n ur penis go down.
Just forget about ur penis and concentrate in give her pleasure(with what u got: ur hands, tongue...). She will forget about ur lil guy, so ll u...Ta Ta!! He s up!! Without further notice it ll get hard.
Dont worry! U ll be fine!

 
Old 09-12-2003, 12:36 AM   #10
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Jamie Silent HB User
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SSRI's are a horrible idea!

SSRI's are notorious for destroying the ability to achieve orgasm, and for weakening the libido in general.

 
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