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Old 09-16-2003, 08:52 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Delhi, NY, USA
Posts: 32
wifelookingforanswers HB User
Unhappy Husband has no desire

My husband has had no desire to have sex or masturbate for the last 6 months. His doctor thinks he is depressed, and put him on Zoloft, which has made no difference with the depression or with the desire. No affairs are going on. He has had nocturnal emissions a couple of times. We have tried some herbal supplements which also did not work, and lingerie, etc. I am tired of being rejected...any suggestions welcomed! He is only in his 30's and I am in my 20's--and the thought of things going on this way forever are too much to bear.

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Old 09-16-2003, 01:20 PM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 4
nicedaycafe HB User

Has anything happened with his work or family lately? There may be issues there causing him to be distracted and not able to relax? Have you tried talking to him? Does he understand your frustrations?
I can tell you from experience that Zoloft has the potential to make you forget you even have a penis. Maybe he could lessen the dose? There are also other anti-depressants out there which may not have the same side effects.
I understand your frustrations! I've been getting rejected from the other side lately. It seems like I have to wait for all the planets and stars to line up for her to be in the mood!

Old 09-16-2003, 02:30 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Big City, USA
Posts: 11
jayeless HB User

I too take Zoloft. I can tell you. It does lessen your "need" for sex. I am in my thirties as well. The stress that he is under for needing to take the zoloft is more than even you know. I have had anxiety/depression for a few years now. It came out of nowhere and hit full force. I lost my sex drive, my appetite, my sense of humor, and even my will to live. I was dying and no one could tell me any different. It will take some time. It all comes back. Of course, we're human, we want it all back yesterday. He needs you. It will be a trying time for both of you. DON'T GIVE UP.

Old 09-17-2003, 09:37 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: vidalia,ga
Posts: 2
lions275 HB User

Hello! I feel your pain. my boyfriend and I have been dating for three months and we have the same problem. However we have known each other all of our lives. His x-wife says he has had a sexual problem since he was 26 years old. His problem is he stays extremely tired all the time. He sleeps alot. Some one told me he may be a diabetic. He has a family history of this. Maybe if your husband will talk about it and realizes he has a problem, you can talk to him about getting checked for diabetes.

Old 09-17-2003, 08:03 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: canada
Posts: 1,598
orion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB User

Have his testosterone and thyroid checked because either of those can cause depression and lack of desire.

Old 09-18-2003, 01:01 AM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: San Diego,CA
Posts: 287
JDinCA HB User

The fact that you and your husband know it is just not normal for a man in his thirties to have no desire for sex should keep you both on a constant search for answers until he is cured. Make sure you make him aware you don't blame him for it. Even though you know he knows this, it is something he needs to hear from you. Remind him you know it has nothing to do with how much he loves you. Tell him your in this together and neither of you will quit until they find what is causing it. This is a very trying time for you and my sympathy goes out to you . But stick to your guns on this and don't let up on the Doctor to keep searching and testing. Keep reminding the Doctor it's not nothing, but is something and your relying on him to help find why? So you and your husband can have the sex life you both desire and deserve together.

Old 09-18-2003, 05:49 AM   #7
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC, USA
Posts: 330
Gine2D HB User

Many medications lessen the sex drive, even Tylenol & Motrin if several are taken daily.

Testosterone is the sex hormone in all humans, male & female. If he has low levels or normal levels with high levels of estrogen hormones he will lose the sex drive.

He needs to go to an endocrinoly doctor for a comple male/female hormone series test.

Good luck,


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