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Old 09-24-2003, 06:07 AM   #1
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Unhappy Married Men...Need Help!!!!

To all you married men out there; I need your advice!! I have been married for four years but have been with my man for almost 6 years before we were married. Recently, he has absolutely no sex drive. I was horrified when two months went by and he never even acted like he wanted to make love. What does this mean??? Is he going through something that only men would understand??? He wont talk to me about it really. When I ask why its happening he just says "I dont know whats wrong with me". Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

 
Old 09-24-2003, 07:13 AM   #2
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2 months is a long time.. You really need to get him to talk. How old is he? I am 50 and my wife and I dont have sex as often as I would want but 1 week is too long and 2 months I would think indicates something is wrong either mentally or physically.
I know sometimes if I am tired I may not seem in the mood but if my wife plays around enough then I forget how tired I am. Have you tried being sexy even nasty around him?
Maybe he just need coaxing
2 months is to long get him to talk
george

 
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Old 09-24-2003, 07:27 AM   #3
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Thanks for the reply George! We are both in our very early thirties, so I wouldn't think that we would be having any "age" problems. I have tried to get him in the mood, but he always tells me he's so tired or is already asleep by the time we get the chance. We have two kids, so we won't get around to it until 10pm. This was never a problem up until a couple months ago. I don't know what to think.

 
Old 09-24-2003, 09:39 AM   #4
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Sounds like you two need a long talk.
I am no expert on why he is not in the mood, but I know that it's not normal to miss 2 months of sex.
I hope you two can work it all out and get back to a happy healthy sex life.

george

 
Old 09-24-2003, 02:43 PM   #5
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Perhaps he is under some stress? Has he been through any changes lately, as in his job, family, health, etc. Does he work a lot of overtime? He may not be going through the problems himself, He could have other people's problems on his mind. That sounds crazy, I know. Seriously though, I am in my early thirties and I think about things all day. Too much. In fact I have thrown myself into panic attacks and ended up on medication. I think about my mom, dad, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. and some of the choices they make really bother me. Stress can really make you EXTREMELY tired. Yes, to the point where you are just not in the mood to get it on! Find out if he has something on his mind. It probably has nothing to do with you, so don't worry just yet! Hope all goes well.

 
Old 09-24-2003, 09:02 PM   #6
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That is not normal. Even if the reason is just stress the fact remains...She said he will not talk about it. That is a bigger problem that the sex issue. Personally I think it is a bigger problem than stress or he'd be more likely to talk about it. If he can't talk about it to his own wife, his life partner then what's up with that? Even when a person is stressed or just tired at the end of the evening after 2 months it is NOT normal to blow it off and not talk to you. Stress is something I know about. I carry the weight of the entire world and all it's problems on my shoulders but making love with your partner is something that comes natural if part of that stress is not related to the partner.
Just my two cents but from personal experience there is more to his "silence" and unwillingness to talk to his wife than just "tired."

 
Old 09-25-2003, 07:29 AM   #7
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How much sleep does he get? A lack of sleep can have a severe impact on a mans sex drive and the desire for sex; stress is another cause.

There are so many possibilities.

Sometimes if my wife persistantly nags about things to the point where she's disrespectful, it turns me off and I wouldn't want anything to do with her -- even sex. But, eventually common sense prevails and we'd discuss the situation and move on.

There are other more serious possibilities that come to mind. However, I think maybe it's time for him to see a doctor since he doesn't know whats wrong with himself, it could be something very simple.

Hope this helps.

 
Old 09-25-2003, 07:32 AM   #8
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Thanks for the advice and support guys!! I do feel that there may be something a little deeper than just everyday stress. For me, sex with my partner is the best stress relief there is!! He's been stressed before, and has always talked about his bad day at work, money concerns, or whatever. The fact that hes not talking now about this drives me nuts. It has affected me in a pretty nasty way too. I can't sleep through the night, I feel sick all the time, and I feel that it's me that hes not interested in anymore so I lost some weight and now Im obsessed with looking better for him. I wasn't big to begin with (135lbs 5'7), so now my health is at stake. I wish he would just tell me whats going on so I can stop thinking that its me!

 
Old 09-25-2003, 07:17 PM   #9
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I know this an off the wall question...but are you all having personal problems with each other and do you think he would cheat on you? I am not saying he is...just a thought since you said he won't talk to you about it.

I know my dh and I have been under extreme stress in the past and it never kept us from having sex. In fact I think it helped us release the stress. The only time i never wanted sex was when I was dead beat tired from taking care of our kids. But that was never a problem.-Roni

 
Old 09-26-2003, 12:25 AM   #10
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I say: Get a blood exame for testosterone. He may be experimenting a lack of it. That would explain both the overall tired feeling and the lack of sexual drive.
...Yeah yeah, it could be mental, emotional, etc...but I beleave, by the simptoms u describe, its just hormonal...

By the way, Im not married, but wanted to give u my opinion. Good luck.

[This message has been edited by Miguel Antunes (edited 09-26-2003).]

 
Old 09-26-2003, 06:25 AM   #11
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Thanks again for the replies! I would rather not think that he could possibly be having an affair, but I guess it's always a possibilty. I may have him go to the doctor and see if there is something medically wrong first before I start freaking out. I just want answers, no matter what they are. Im tired of guessing and feeling like this.

Thanks again everyone!

 
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