I'm new to the board and would just like to get some feedback if possible.
I'm 26 years old and my husband is 30.
We met and started dating 4 years ago and got married just a little over a month ago.
Now, during the first 2-2.5 years of our relationship we'd have lots and lots of sex. In fact, it seemed that we'd do it at every opportunity we got.
Mind you though, we weren't living together back then. I'd stay over during the weekends and we'd meet throughout the week but we weren't living together officially.
When we moved in together I started to notice that the sex was decreasing. Initially though, I didn't really mind. I started the pill so my libido decreased a bit and I'd also experience vaginal dryness. We'd have sex about 1-2 times a week and I was fine with that for a while. Yet, it seemed to be decreasing more gradually - the one time a week soon became once in two weeks where I'd initiate it most of the time (mind you, initially it was the very opposite).
Now, I did visit my mother every now and then and sometimes spent the night there and upon my return I'd discover that the lube we use for sex was moved to the bathroom (suggesting that he masturbates).
I also found porn on his computer.
Now, we've been married for a little over a month and during this time we've only had sex twice (on our honeymoon). We didn't have intercourse upon our return home but we had oral sex once.
I'm starting to think that he's bored of me sexually and that I don't turn him on anymore.
We have a great relationship otherwise. He's also very affectionate towards me. We actually kiss and cuddle a lot and though I love that, sometimes I wish it would lead to more like it used to.
I didn't change physically at all. I am very slender and petite and he used to love that.
Now, his weight did fluctuate a lot during the course of our relationship. When we met he was in great shape but slowly started putting on weight. Then he lost it and put it back on. He lost it again before the wedding but once again is starting to gain it back.
I thought that this might also have something to do with it but if he masturbates then it means that his libido is not that low, right?
Sorry for the long post and for rambling. I just wanted to get as much info into the post as possible.
I'd greatly appreciate feedback though. Just please don't tell me to move on and find someone else. I love my husband more than anything and we have a great relationship otherwise. Also, as I have mentioned, during the first 2 years of our relationship the sex was great.
Last edited by taramay; 08-28-2012 at 04:45 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to taramay: fjeeva001 (08-28-2012)
Hi taramay, I think the cuddling and kissing you is demonstrating his love for you. I think that can add a great degree of depth to the relationship, and is a good sign things are going well. I think sex is over rated and in the long run tends to take a backseat when couples get comfortable with one another. I think he may have some stress in his life that he is not discussing, and he needs to talk with you about it. First,try to set date nights, and enjoyable activites to get him in the mood. If that doesn't work it is always good to ask in a kind way if there is anything you can do to arouse him. I think if you stick with him through whatever he is going through this will all be resolved. I hope I helped you in any small way.
The Following User Says Thank You to toughgal012 For This Useful Post: taramay (08-28-2012)
Thank you so much for the reply, toughgal012!
Sex is definitely not a priority to me and I'd always choose love over sex.
I guess it just gets a bit frustrating at times. Especially knowing that he's been masturbating while he could just have sex with me - a woman of flesh and bones (right now I am not sure if he does it anymore because he hasn't been alone in the house ever since we got married... but of course it's not like I follow him to the bathroom).