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Old 08-30-2012, 08:21 AM   #1
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Unhappy I've never been able to orgasm from Vaginal intercourse

I'm 26 years old. I've been having this problem since I lost virginity at 18. Over the course of 3 girlfriends and intercourse maybe 20 times I've gotten erect but have never been able to orgasm from intercourse. I don't know why, it feels great! This has caused great strife in my relationships and has resulted in me feeling absolutely terrible because i have to pull out and masturbate.

Fast forward until recent events my current girlfriend of 5 months who i am engaged to. She is very sexual and sensual we have had a lot of sex. I've never been able to orgasm from vaginal sex with her. We've tried everything in the book aside from anal. I'm not sure what the problem is. We are going through a very rough time we had to move out of my grandma's house where we were staying who was verbally and mentally abusing both of us. We are living in her friends home office. We are happier here because it's more easy going just not ideal conditions to start our family together. We've talked about my problem thoroughly to the point where there is no more to say. She turns me on constantly, whether it's walking up behind her in the kitchen and hugging her from behind or when we passionately kiss i get hard instantly. When she plays with my penis i get hard when she gives me blowjobs i get hard then she lays down and i insert my penis into her and it lasts a variable amount of time in there. Sometimes it's rock hard for 25 minutes until she has to tap out from pain others i lose my erection in 4 minutes while in the middle of sex.

I'm not sure if it's performance anxiety or me just over-thinking everything which i tend to do in social situations. I try to clear my head every time because we are absolutely perfect together but it's always in the back of my head "what if i can't orgasm again and she'll be upset with me for the rest of the night" "what happens if i lose my erection like i did last time we had sex".

It doesn't make any sense because she has the tightest vagina i've ever felt where if i'm not fully hard i can't physically penetrate her. She says about 1 in 10 sessions are actually good but not good enough because i can't orgasm, always i've had to pull out and masturbate. She has gotten me to orgasm several times from masturbating me off but says she doesn't like giving hand jobs because of her past experiences with it. This has caused massive amounts of frustration and tension in our relationship. She has reached the point where she no longer wants to have sex with me as often as we used to because she will just get frustrated and upset and it will ruin the rest of the night and the entire next day for us.

She asked me to have protected sex with a guy to see if i'm gay. I am almost 100% sure i am not. She says i can masturbate if i feel the need to get off. Last night was the first night i masturbated in a very long time alone and it did not feel satisfying enough because i knew in the next room lied my fiancee who would have sex with me all day everyday if i didn't have these problems. She says if i can actually orgasm from vaginal intercourse then our sex life would be in line with the rest of our relationship. She gave me an ultimatum the other night after a sex session turned bad. If within the next two months i can't figure out what the problem is and address it then we need to start having an open relationship which she will call a friend once a month to fill the need i cannot provide.

I'm not sure if it's a physical problem or a psychological problem. I had a neurological disease when i was 13 it's called Gillian-Barre syndrome. I suffer from way too frequent urination. I do not have health insurance. I don't know what this problem is, I don't know who to ask for advice, I don't know what doctors to see. I need to fix this problem badly so i can provide every need in our relationship. I plan on having a child with her in the next few years but if i can't orgasm from vaginal intercourse then i guess i can't. I'm lost... Maybe i need to increase sensitivity in my penis. Just the thought of having to masturbate every night because i can't have successful sex with my fiancee who feels the need to possibly call up someone else in 2 months to have sex with makes me feel so terrible as a man. i wish nothing more than to seek help and answers to my problems. If there is anyone out there that can help me out i'd be forever in your debt. Please help.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 08-30-2012 at 02:49 PM. Reason: Terminology.

 
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Old 08-30-2012, 12:32 PM   #2
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Re: I've never been able to orgasm from Vaginal intercourse

I don't want to be harsh but the fact that your fiancee has given you an ultimatum is not going to help you in any way.
I would reconsider being with her because she doesn't seem compassionate or understanding.
Yes, you cannot orgasm while inside her but it's quite obvious (from what you described) that she manages to turn you on and she must be aware of that.
Anyway, I think you should go see a urologist. But I think that if you want to "solve" this problem being with someone who is understanding and supportive is key.

 
Old 09-05-2012, 07:34 PM   #3
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Re: I've never been able to orgasm from Vaginal intercourse

Welcome to the health boards. From what you’ve described, the problem seems to be psychological. You say that you have tried everything but I wonder if you have considered the way that you have intercourse. If your intercourse sessions are wild and crazy maybe what you may want to do is lay down and have her do the work slowly. You may want to try it with the lights on and off to see what works best for you. What you are after is to relax and feel comfortable. When you masturbate there is no pressure to please anyone but yourself. With her, you are thinking about her satisfaction and that may be what is impeding you. Again, slow and steady does the trick. You may also want to try and get going by masturbating “half way”. Try masturbating alone before you have sex with her to get you going then have intercourse and see if you can finish with her. Eventually you will get into the rhythm of coming inside her and remove that wall that is keeping you from finishing now. You mention that she is tight. Are you using lubrication? There is lubrication out there that may excite you enough to come. Try different ones and see if one will work. Remember that in marriage you will run into a LOT of roadblocks that the two of you will have to tackle together, and if you cannot work on this one together, then you and her may not be suited to work on others that may be even tougher such as a sick child, or a terminal illness. Good luck!

 
Old 09-13-2012, 11:30 AM   #4
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Re: I've never been able to orgasm from Vaginal intercourse

I believe that your mind is dependant on manual stimulation.Talk to your girlfriend and explain to her that if and when you fail to ejaculate the session is done continue to cuddle if you need whatever is comfortable for each of you. You need her support for this to work. DO NOT MASTERBATE! ESPECIALLY ON YOUR OWN! Continue having one way sex and satisfying only her.Eventually your build up and your mind will recognize that sex is your outlet and you will look forward to having healthy sex. I think 3 weeks and it will happen. But dont quit! Take however long it takes, but I gaurantee it will work. Good luck!

 
Old 11-08-2012, 07:38 PM   #5
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Re: I've never been able to orgasm from Vaginal intercourse

I agree with everything said so far, and I like theetunaman's suggestion to stop masturbating for weeks to force your body to orgasm from vaginal sex. You might also be able to continue "masturbating" (sorta) but absolutely quit ejaculating from masturbating. This should make you primed to ejaculate during sex with her.

I would also add that there are things you could do to increase the sensitivity of your penis if your problem is caused by low penis sensitivity. Infant circumcision massively reduces penis sensitivity in men making low penis sensitivity a very common problem in men circumcised as infants. There's a Canadian product called the "ManHood foreskin substitute" that's a soft fabric pocket that protects your glans from rubbing against your clothes (essentially a sensory-deprivation chamber for your penis head). Wearing it for a month is said to make a noticeable improvement in penis sensitivity.

If you thought that was weird, this is even weirder: you might consider foreskin restoration. It's the most you can do to increase the sensitivity of your penis. It's obviously a big commitment. It has to be done gently/slowly or the skin can tear (and scar), so it can take a LONG time when there's little skin to begin with (1-3 years); and it alters what your manhood looks like when flaccid (with an erection foreskin retracts making the penis wider behind the glans--then foreskin only appears as increased girth). Also it does take a bit of effort to keep foreskin clean (tho still much less effort than vaginas require).

Obviously your girl would have to be about it, but it might not be hard to convince her (if you want to), because it's actually really neat how penis skin functions (when present). It slides up and down to reduce friction during sex increasing the pleasurable sensations you derive from it. It acts like lube reducing friction more than 10 times. In my experience, even girls who think they won't like foreskin actually do once they see it's fastidiously clean and how much more awesome it makes rapid thrusting feel for them.

Last edited by mc7; 11-08-2012 at 08:09 PM. Reason: typos

 
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