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Old 09-21-2003, 04:07 AM   #1
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Post Husband doesn't masturbate or touch himself

ok I don't get this....I have never known a man before him that does not touch himself during sex and has never masturbated and I mean never.....I know that some might think he is in private but you have to know this man to know that he's serious.......but I don't get it and to tell the truth I wish he would because I find it erotic ......any advice or opinions???

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Old 09-21-2003, 06:55 AM   #2
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when u ask "why u dont masterbate?" what does he says?
How often do u guys have sex?
Does he works fine down there...I mean, its every thing OK with his erections?

 
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Old 09-21-2003, 09:46 AM   #3
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Could he be avoiding touching himself for religious reasons? You say he's your husband - was he a virgin before that? And finally, doesn't he ever use his hand to guide himself in?

I agree with you that this is most unusual.

 
Old 09-21-2003, 01:40 PM   #4
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Thanks for your replies.
He isn't a religious man at all although I have been told that his family use to be. He just fluffs it off when I ask him why he won't touch himself. He will guide himslef in as a last resort but does it just with his thumb and very quickly. Sexually he seems fine other than he ejaculates very quickly but he sometimes makes love to me again within minutes and lasts much longer the second time. I guess I'm thinking that this is some sort of emotional thing but it's one that I've never known and he seems fine on other sexual issues. He was not a virgin when he married but has only ever had sex with women he was in relationships with....no one night stands.....actually the idea of that bothers him and he can't relate to a person making love if its loveless.
I really am wanting feedback on this because I need to understand....?????

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Old 09-21-2003, 03:20 PM   #5
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It sounds like you have a normal sex life. You said he can do it twice in a row.
Do you touch yourself in front of him?
How about if you got behind him and put your hands over his hands and then put them on his penis.
Do you think he'd freak out? You could give it a try.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact that his prior relationships were not one night stands.
Some people are just more conservative than others.


 
Old 09-22-2003, 12:45 AM   #6
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Here's a question for you:

Is he pleasing you? Are you satisfied? Or is this "quirk" symptomatic of something deeper that you feel is missing from your sex life? You cast the issue in terms of what he does for himself, but I wonder if there might be things you wish he'd do for you that you're not asking for and this is what you are focusing on instead?

This is not meant to be judgmental, but, if the answer to the first two questions is yes, hey, sounds like you have a good catch. If not, you might need to be asking some different questions for yourself.
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Old 09-22-2003, 06:48 AM   #7
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If I asked or even initiated the idea of him touching himself he would get upset with me...I've tried this. I also think its great that he has the values of not having sex with someone he doesn't love. What I don't get is his reaction to the idea of touching himself or masturbating....I can see anger in his eyes if I push it at all.........still confused.

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Old 09-22-2003, 07:09 AM   #8
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Hi edgework

I do appreciate the feedback. I think maybe I'm not giving enough information though.
We don't make love very often...perhaps once every 2 weeks and its been an issue with us. He was not like this for the first 2 months that we were together...we made love all the time...we have now been together just over 2 years. He does not satisfy me and I've tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to, he doesn't like to talk about any issues concerning our relationship....he seems to have a fear of conflict. I am a sexually very open person and always willing to try new things. I know that I mentioned that he makes love a second time but this is rare. He is very selfconscience of his body and is not comfortable being nude around me...he was like this when I met him and I've tried to let him know that I find him very sexy but he can't obsorb the compliment.
I do and have many time touched myself in front of him and he likes it when I do.....actually I was a bit of a surprise to him sexually because he was use to women that were more withdrawn sexually. There are many things that we have done together that he never experienced before. My concern lies mainly in his reaction to him "having" to touch himself to enter me and to the issue of even talking about it.

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Old 09-22-2003, 10:53 AM   #9
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Just wondering, is he willing to please you sexually? I understand he does not really right now. He's very sentitive as he never touches himself. Masturbating reduces his sensitivity, making him last longer.

Given his reaction to your inquiries I'm wondering if he had a bad experience in the past. You mentioned his family was very religious? Could it be that he got caught touching himself and got severely punished for it?

Him not wanting to talk about it indicates a blockage. If you inititate talking about it when having sex he might associate sex with your inquiries and try put off sex. I'd try to talk to him about it in non-sexual settings.

 
Old 09-22-2003, 11:18 AM   #10
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My husband does not masturbate either. He swears that he does not and never has. (Call me naive) He thinks it is dumb and boring. He would much rather that I take care of it.

If I ask him how come he cannot touch himself he just says "I don't know". He is also very uncomfortable with the subject. If I take his hand and try to get him to hold is penis he pulls away. Our sex life is awesome though. We have sex just about every night. and great sex. He is just not open to touching himself.

 
Old 09-22-2003, 11:29 AM   #11
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I had the same problem with my husband. We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 4. But I just recently got him to masterbate during foreplay or while we are having sex. I used to play with myself because it was a real turn on for him and I both. One day I asked him to play with himself and he said" what would I do that for, that's why I have you". I asked him if he would do it for me. We talked about it for awhile, but he finally did it, and has been doing it ever since. He just won't do it on his own, I have to ask him or tell him to do it for me. Maybe if you tried to explain to him that it would really turn you on and make you hot, maybe he would try it.

 
Old 09-23-2003, 04:04 AM   #12
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I think you need to go slower and give him more time. Sexual hangups run deep in some people and don't go away if they feel pressured to change. Change will only come in an environment of feeling totally secure and accepted for who and what he is now, unconditional live in action. It's fine to tell him what you would like, but make sure he knows you are ok with what he is now. Nothing turns a guy off more than feeling his wife is always passing negative judgement on him in bed. If you want him to change, support who he is now, make your desire known but don't keep bringing it up, he will remember even if he doesn't do it, and wait. Focus on what he likes and you'll get him in bed more often. Then I would suggest asking for some things you don't now do, but that he is willing to try, then gradually he'll lower his inhabitions. Even if he never comes around to toughing himself, at least you'll have a better sexual relationship than you have now.

 
Old 09-23-2003, 09:51 PM   #13
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maybe some kind of bizzare homophob type thing going off??

i no some ppl are fine about gay's, some ppl dont mind them, and some hate them??

maybe some kind of psycological fear of homosexuals causes them to actually fear touching thier penis..

sounds daft, and i mite not of got what i meant across properly, but i no what i mean :S

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Old 09-24-2003, 05:01 AM   #14
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Thanks a lot for all the feedback. It's great!!

I do accept my husband for the way he is and I don't complain about it.....actually I only ever mentioned it twice. I know he isn't homophobic...he's not judgemental that way.

Posting on this site has opened my eyes some though and made me realise that ........ok somethings up with my husband and it's not just this issue but he has a common theme going on with many issues....insecurity....so what I need to do is just accept that he has some issues and when he's ready he'll talk to me about it.....so I'm going to just leave it alone and keep on loving him for who he is.

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Old 10-01-2003, 09:53 AM   #15
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my fiance never masturbated or touched himself while having sex...i give him hand jobs if he's in the mood for it...it was strange for me to hear that he never played with himself growing up or as a adult...ALL MEN AREN'T THE SAME!
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