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Old 10-04-2003, 09:00 AM   #1
UHC UHC is offline
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Unhappy My husband doesn't like sex

I am a very attractive woman (27), and My husband (29) doesn't seem to like sex. He has had a hystory of low testoseron and He's now on Hormone Replacy Therapy for about 1 month. THe thing is even though I know his low testoseron problem, I feel that He doesn't like sex period. He loves me very much, and we are very happy that's not the problem, but when it comes to sex, we don't match, I am never going to cheat on him, because that's the kind of person that I am , but He sexually doesn't satisfy me. ALWAYS I come to him for sex, we do it maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I always give him signs that I am horny but He really ignores it, like this morning we are just waking up, I go to his penis and start rubbing him, He gets hard, I am just hoping his going to want to do something to me but he doesn't, When I stop touching him that's it, HE doesn't seem to want to finish it, And basicly is like this always, it a big disapointment for me, we talked abouth this, but 99% of the times end up fighting. We have been together 4 years, of course at the very begining it wasn't like this but now there's no sexual activity going on. We did plan to get pregnant 2 months ago, which lucky for him I got pregnant our first try (I feel truly blessed) We calculated my ovulation days and did it 3 days in a row, which was realy hard with him to have sex that often, I really was worried on how I was going to get pregnant with him, He also loses his erection, anyway at least I am pregnant and having this beautifull baby, but that's not it, I still want intimacy.
Guys....What can I do????

I am sad, and like I say talking doens't solve this problem....HELP

 
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Old 10-04-2003, 10:06 AM   #2
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You need to really let him know how much you need sexual satisfaction. If he loves you he should make the effort.

He must go back to the doctor and get his testosterone levels checked.( and tests to rule out thyroid problems and diabetes) If he's only good for 1 or 2 times a month the dosage is way too low! Especially at age 29!

When I went on TRT I became so horny I need to orgasm 5 times a week and I'm 47. I don't understand why so many men seem content to live without libido. To me sex is one of the few pleasures in this cold, hard life. Good luck

 
Old 10-04-2003, 11:41 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by UHC:
He has had a hystory of low testoseron and He's now on Hormone Replacy Therapy for about 1 month. THe thing is even though I know his low testoseron problem, I feel that He doesn't like sex period.
Firstly how was his low testosterone discovered? What did the doctor determine the cause of the low testosterone was? How much testosterone is he now taking and has he tried taking more?

Did he have other symptoms like weight gain, fatigue, irritibility, low exercise capacity and muscle loss? And have any/all of these cleared up?

Finally, did he go for counciling about his sexual situation or did the doctor just say, "here's some testosterone, bye"?

You said he doesn't seem to like sex period, was that always from the beginning or just since this testosterone problem started? One thing I'll say about sex and guys, when their sexuality is threatened they mostly respond by shutting down and pretending nothing is wrong. My sense is, he is doing just that. It's a defence mechanism that guys use and no amount of nagging is going to fix it.

 
Old 10-04-2003, 07:03 PM   #4
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Pardon my ideas - but I thought it's worth a "shot"...

Ask him to perform cunnilingus on you. I can't imagine that not "priming the pump" to where his "drives" take over. The olfactory (smell) sense is directly connected to the genitalia (having differentiated and drifted during I believe the blastocyst stage of development). Why do you think dogs enjoy crotches so much !!! Your pheromones will finish the job !!! Trust me - have I ever steered you wrong ?

[This message has been edited by Ben There (edited 10-04-2003).]
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Old 11-08-2003, 08:52 AM   #5
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well me and my wife told each other in the begging that if one or the other gets lazy or is to tired go ahead and get start once you get aroused you'll finich it's just he doesn't hard the urged to get it started you said you rub on him and he gets hard well your his wife when he gets hard climb on him and get start that's a part of him being your husband he has to provide for your needs a mans pace is set by the woman if the woman likes to have sex the man will follow her lead unless he has an erection problem but other than that if your horny and he's not dying give him oral and climb on him and get started sometimes I'm tired from work and my wife gets started once she gets me hard and climb on me and sit down on my penis I get right into it alot of times I'll be sleep she'll wake me up with oral and climb on me it feels good be this way we won't end up cheating on each other but what's going on with you if he doesn't shape up in the long run you say you won't cheat but you will end up cheating becuase it's justified cause he won't not can't but he won't satisfy you and that's wrong

 
Old 11-08-2003, 07:08 PM   #6
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Congrats on your pregnancy!

I hope your husband's problem is figured out soon and corrected. Your child will need both of you and you both will need each other.
If you are just looking for sexual satisfaction and if your husband doesn't improve, ask him how he feels about you finding sexual satisfaction elsewhere. If he agrees and doesn't have a problem then it's not cheating. If you want sexual satisfaction with intimacy,.. well that is going to be much tougher.


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Old 11-10-2003, 08:56 PM   #7
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Men tend to get extremely sensitive when it comes to dealing with their "manhood". Do some research on the problem yourself and see if you come up with anything that he may be interested in looking into. Until you and your husband get this situation figured out you may have to be a little selfLESS and support him. He will certainly admire that his beautiful pregnant wife is already demonstrating her nuturing qualities. And as for the suggestions of finding "it" elsewhere, I strongly urge you not to take that approach. Wedding vows consist of for better or worse, in your eyes this might be one of those "worse" times. An action such as a fling or one night stand is ultamately going to cause great strain on a marriage that really needs to stand united. The 2 of you have a baby coming and you will be a family. This is what is most important...Family. Now if your sexual appetite is very strong than you may want to invest in a good vibrator. Use it with him or alone. He may have some physical issues having sex right now, however most men love to see their wives being pleased, so maybe you could put on a little show for him and he may want to use the new "toys" on you also.

Good Luck and God Bless

Quote:
Originally Posted by UHC
I am a very attractive woman (27), and My husband (29) doesn't seem to like sex. He has had a hystory of low testoseron and He's now on Hormone Replacy Therapy for about 1 month. THe thing is even though I know his low testoseron problem, I feel that He doesn't like sex period. He loves me very much, and we are very happy that's not the problem, but when it comes to sex, we don't match, I am never going to cheat on him, because that's the kind of person that I am , but He sexually doesn't satisfy me. ALWAYS I come to him for sex, we do it maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I always give him signs that I am horny but He really ignores it, like this morning we are just waking up, I go to his penis and start rubbing him, He gets hard, I am just hoping his going to want to do something to me but he doesn't, When I stop touching him that's it, HE doesn't seem to want to finish it, And basicly is like this always, it a big disapointment for me, we talked abouth this, but 99% of the times end up fighting. We have been together 4 years, of course at the very begining it wasn't like this but now there's no sexual activity going on. We did plan to get pregnant 2 months ago, which lucky for him I got pregnant our first try (I feel truly blessed) We calculated my ovulation days and did it 3 days in a row, which was realy hard with him to have sex that often, I really was worried on how I was going to get pregnant with him, He also loses his erection, anyway at least I am pregnant and having this beautifull baby, but that's not it, I still want intimacy.
Guys....What can I do????

I am sad, and like I say talking doens't solve this problem....HELP

 
Old 11-11-2003, 09:47 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bernard69
well me and my wife told each other in the begging that if one or the other gets lazy or is to tired go ahead and get start once you get aroused you'll finich it's just he doesn't hard the urged to get it started you said you rub on him and he gets hard well your his wife when he gets hard climb on him and get start that's a part of him being your husband he has to provide for your needs a mans pace is set by the woman if the woman likes to have sex the man will follow her lead unless he has an erection problem but other than that if your horny and he's not dying give him oral and climb on him and get started sometimes I'm tired from work and my wife gets started once she gets me hard and climb on me and sit down on my penis I get right into it alot of times I'll be sleep she'll wake me up with oral and climb on me it feels good be this way we won't end up cheating on each other but what's going on with you if he doesn't shape up in the long run you say you won't cheat but you will end up cheating becuase it's justified cause he won't not can't but he won't satisfy you and that's wrong
That's the longest sentence I have ever read in my lifetime. Does the comma and period key not work on your keyboard?

 
Old 11-11-2003, 02:31 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bgerrior
That's the longest sentence I have ever read in my lifetime. Does the comma and period key not work on your keyboard?
Good thing this is a sexual health board, not a grammar board. It doesn't matter here.

As for your problem, UHC. If he's always had a history of low testosteron, maybe sex has just never become that important to him, not that he doesn't like it. Sometimes it's hard to make your body do something it really just isn't interested in doing. Anyway, I know nothing about how long HRT takes to settle in - if there even is an adjustment period - but since he's shown he's willing to go on it in the first place, maybe he'd be willing to up the amount a bit if his libido doesn't improve...

 
Old 11-12-2003, 03:27 PM   #10
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here are a couple of things to consider:
Does he masturbate? If he does, he may be doing too much of it. This may be why it seems like he has no sex drive. Sometimes it's much easier to masturbate than to deal with foreplay and the whole emotional thing.

Second: And please take no offense!
Maybe he's confused about his sexuality. Some men who are gay get married because society has taught us that it's the "right" thing to do. They may have occasional sex with their wives but it's really for show. I have a friend who did this for 20 years before he "came out". Take it for what it's worth.

 
Old 11-13-2003, 06:20 PM   #11
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UHC, my husband is just the same way! I have no idea about his testosterone levels, though. I figured he's just not attracted to me, (especially since the kids), but he insists it's not that. No real effort to address the issue, though! If I say I'd like a little roll in the hay, he usually just laughs like I'm making a cute joke, or says, ooh, yeah, like he'd like to as well , then nothing happens. After 15 years of this I'm to the point where I feel uncomfortable and foolish even trying to start something! I hate the thought that I'll eventually go to my grave having never had much of something I like so much! Well, I have pretty much a decent life, so I guess I shouldn't complain, but it's nice to have a place to vent!

Last edited by Apodder; 12-28-2005 at 05:48 AM.

 
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