Blue sky

Hi. First time here..
I am really ashamed of masterbation. It has functioned as a way of escape for me for a long time (15 years or so). It's more a shame/release than pleasure. Frequency of my masterbation seems to go up high when I am not in a secure mood. When I am feeling good and in control, it's the last thing I have in mind. I get to release and feel good physically momentarilly but go through an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worthiness afterwards. The core of my issues, whether work issues, image of "what I should be" vs. "what I am" or general sense of loneliness, remains unresolved and it will make me feel numb and more incapable of confronting many of the issues at hand. My self esteem gets down to a very low level but I keep coming back to it and feel worse.

Deep down, I don't feel masterbation itself is the issue. It's a way of (wrongly) escaping my negative feelings. It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth. Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy? I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people. But I feel there's no other way to break the pattern other than to obtain some help to confront my fears/feelings.

Thanks for listening and I could use any comments anybody may have. I would also like to know what I can expect from psychotherapy since I am completely new to it.