What am I doing wrong? - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

Shaelynn · 09-26-2003, 08:33 AM

Sorry for the length of this post, but I want to be sure to post all the "facts" before asking your advice.

I have been seeing a guy for 4 months now & things seem to be going great, except our sex life. (He's 26)I consider myself to be attractive as is he & I've never had issues with this before. When we first got together he said sex was very important to him in a relationship which was a relief to me because I have a very high sex drive. (I'm 30) The thing that baffles me is that we're lucky to have sex once a week and I usually initiate it. He rarely kisses me, which is one of my major "hot" buttons & four play is pretty much non-existent on his part, I usually am the only one to "play."

He told me from the very beginning that he doesn't like going down on women due to a couple bad experiences. This was fine for me because I don't allow a guy to go down on me until feelings run pretty deeply. Well, now I'm ready & he refuses yet he CONSTANTLY wants head. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE giving head & am very good at it...until now. I can't seem to bring him to orgasm! Also, he's always trying to talk me into anal which is something I just don't like to do. I've tried it once, and never wish to try it again.

It seems like sex is all about HIS needs & honestly I feel like I don't fulfill them. I am VERY energetic in bed and have never had complaints, in fact...quite the opposite. WHY does it seem he's not interested in 1. having sex that often and 2. pleasing me sexually? I'll give him this....he DOES hold off until I orgasm which isn't very often because I'm rather difficult to get off, by clitoral stimulation only. Many times I have to have my "toy" in addition to him penetrating me to climax. BUT that's not important to me. I'd trade rarely having an orgasm for sex more often. Our schedules ARE busy because I have a child & he has to come to my house if we see one another during the week and every other weekend we both have our girls, but there's lunch hour, him coming over to my place at night...plenty of time to sneak sex in but I feel like he just isn't interested.

WHAT am I doing wrong???!!!

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~Shae

"The only ignorant questions, are the one's that remain unasked."

devastated · 09-26-2003, 09:04 AM

You are doing nothing wrong....he is being an insensative, selfish *****. If I were you, unless he starts going down on you, I would stop giving him head, or at least not do if very much. Plain and simple. As far as the anal goes, don't let him push you into anything you don't want to do. Not all women can do it, and for a woman to be able to do it without pain, she HAS to want it to, or at least not be nervous about it. If you are tense about it, your muscles down there are going to be tense, and it is going to cause pain. IMO, if he doesn't make some compromises, I would move on.....sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, it just seems like you could do much better, and find someone less selfish who cares more about your feelings.

Shaelynn · 09-26-2003, 09:16 AM

Thank you, I appreciate that. I do love him though. I've also tried talking to him about it but he says I over analyze. Do you think he's getting sex elsewhere? I've never had a feeling he's cheating nor have any clues appeared in that direction, but why doesn't he want sex more if it's "so important" to him? I'm feeling neglected. I'm used to having sex daily in a relationship and here we are NEWLY 3 months into it and I'm lucky to be with him once a week. My last boyfriend was 21 and we did it 2-3 times a day, sometimes more....the guy before him was 20 and it was the same....What's going on with this one? Does a man's sex drive diminish at all from 20 to 26? ***? I'm so confused & need advice on what to try....maybe I need to "spice it Up" a little. I've been contemplating trying new things like tying him up or playing more with toys for him and I both, not just my clit stimulator.

I just find it hard to believe that he could be getting bored after 3 months when we only average sex once a week! LOL

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"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life."
-- Dalai Lama

[This message has been edited by Shaelynn (edited 09-26-2003).]

devastated · 09-26-2003, 09:29 AM

Hey!

It's hard to say if he's getting it somewhere else. He still want's BJ's all the time, right? huh. Again, not to be harsh, but it seems he may just be kinda lazy...preferring you giving him head so he doesn't have to work at anything, and refusing to go down on you. I don't know...I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I think he is the one with the problem. I know you love him, but sometimes love just isn't enough, you know?

devastated · 09-26-2003, 09:30 AM

Hey!

It's hard to say if he's getting it somewhere else. He still want's BJ's all the time, right? huh. Again, not to be harsh, but it seems he may just be kinda lazy...preferring you giving him head so he doesn't have to work at anything, and refusing to go down on you. I don't know...I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I think he is the one with the problem. I know you love him, but sometimes love just isn't enough, you know?